Wot Not To Put Down The Bog

I live in a street where the sewerage pipe blocks about twice a year and everyone on that sewerage run shares the cost of clearance each time. The drains were laid badly by the builder 30 years ago and no doubt over the years extra snagging points have developed. However the main cause of the problem is the putting down the toilet of inappropriate things. When the street was full of babies it would have been disposable nappies (diapers). The drain man on the recent clearance said what the main cause of the blockage was so I wrote this poem for all the residentsMen and Menopausal WomenDon't Carry The Can For Blocking The PanThe drains are clearSo that's good newsWhen the drain man leftHe expressed these views"It's not all the natural stuffThat clogs and clingsIt's the make-up wipesAnd those sanitary things"So, let's adopt The 3P'sIt's a new disciplineIf it's not pooh, pee or paperIt goes in the bin!What Not To Put Down The Bog is copyright Jon Bratton 2010

Funeral Hymns for Anne, Mother, Nanna, Sister

These Funeral Hymns for Anne, Mother, Nanna, Sister have been suggested by Aunt Margaret

There are more suggested Funeral Hymns for Anne hereFuneral Hymns for Anne28 May 08

Name All 52 States in USA

Left click the image to enlarge itAs a self confessed search engine tart I seek out common searches which are not well catered for and this one 'Name all 52 states in USA' is a corker. On a daily basis 1200 people want the search engines to find web sites that name all 52 states and quite naturally there aren't many takers.So guys here I can name all 53...I've even thrown in the State CapitalsNote there are eight starting with MAnd none with B or EAnd eight starting with NAnd none with J, Q, X or Z(That rhymes if you are North American)Alabama MontgomeryAlaska JuneauArizona PhoenixThere's more, don't you knowArkansas Little RockCalifornia SacramentoCanada OttawaI'm sure that's soColorado DenverDelaware DoverConnecticut HartfordThe list is not overFlorida TallahasseeGeorgia AtlantaHawaii HonoluluWe're starting to canterIdaho BoiseIllinois SpringfieldIndiana IndianapolisWhat next is revealedIowa Des MoinesKansas TopekaKentucky FrankfortWe're getting there. EurikaLouisiana Baton RougeMaine AugustaMaryland AnnapolisHang on in there, BusterMassachusetts BostonMinnesota St. PaulMichigan LansingAnd that's not allMississippi JacksonMissouri Jefferson CityMontana HelenaWe're sitting prettyNebraska LincolnNevada Carson CityNew Hampshire ConcordWe're still sitting prettyNew Jersey TrentonNew Mexico Santa FeNew York AlbanyI've got more to sayNorth Dakota BismarckNorth Carolina RaleighOhio ColumbusThere's more, don't dallyOklahoma Oklahoma CityOregon SalemPennsylvania HarrisburgI knew I could name 'emRhode Island ProvidenceSouth Dakota PierreSouth Carolina ColumbiaWe're getting thereTennessee NashvilleTexas AustinUtah Salt Lake Citywhere I once got lost inUnited Kingdom, LondonVermont MontpelierVirginia RichmondWhat did I tell yeahWashington OlympiaWest Virginia CharlestonWisconsin MadisonI'm done but for oneWyoming CheyenneThat's almost the last call52 StatesBut that's not allThere's one more to nameBefore the conclusionWhat about all those folk livingIn the state of Confusion?For more click the linkName All 52 States in USAThis Name all 52 states in USA blogspot entry is copyright Jon Bratton

Names of the Characters in Scooby Doo

Names of the Characters in Scooby Doo is a frequent search as is 'name all 52 states in USA' and not many sites provide the answer so it falls to me. I'll get back to you on the USA states thing but...Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred,Is the short answer...butYou need more, so here goesIt's two boys, two girls and a muttScooby-Doo's full name is Scooby-DooNorville 'Shaggy' Rogers is Shaggy's full name,Velma is Velma Dace Dinkley,And Daphne Ann Blake is the good looking dame

The good looking guy is FreddieThat's Frederick Herman Jones,Scooby is a Great DaneThat prefers human foods to bonesSo that's it. I've satisfied the search. For more click the link

Names of the Characters in Scooby DooThis 'Names of the characters in Scooby Doo' blogspot entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

Michael Jackson is Dead

The World's Greatest Entertainer, Michael JacksonIs deadIt is saidIt is sadHe has diedIt can't be deniedBut is it suicide?You decideFor more, clickMichael Jackson is Dead Suicide?,This Michael Jackson is dead blogpage comes to you from Jon Bratton

Baked Potato Recipe Foil

Those who know me just know that this is a search engine foible whereby lots of folk search using the phrase, 'baked potato recipe foil' but no one fully satisfies them. So all you folk who want to know the extent to which foil features in the baked potato process here's the definitive answer...it doesn't and it shouldn't and here's why"Baked Potato recipe foil"That should read failFor your potato in foil will boil and spoilYou'll be put in Potato JailThe foil traps the moisture, you seeIt's a mistakeYour potato will be steamedIt's a far better taste, when you bakeSo, put the potato in the oven, pricked and nakedThat's the potato, not youTo be honest it doesn't matterSo you can be naked tooAfter 50 minutes, removeYour naked potato is now bak-edUse foil now, if you like, during its 10 minute restThen serve it, naked(Smothered in butter)Look, if you want to pick up on every innuendo go ahead, cook the potato naked, it's not a problem because there are no hot splashes and if you want to serve it naked covered in butter, no problem because frankly what do you do in you kitchen is a matter between you and the receiver of your smothered offeringsMe? I'm hot and bothered and going for a lie downJon Bratton 2009For more on the subject click the linkBaked Potato Recipe Foilbut if you do, woe betide you

This 'baked potato recipe foil' is brought to you, for free use, and to satisfy a significant but un fulfilled desire

Newcastle United Premiership or Championship?

It's do or die today for the Toon Army. Newcastle United Premiership or Championship next season?

Hip Hip HoorayAl's saved the dayHe desorves every pennyOf his million quid payNow he's var nigh boond to stayThe dug oot's better than Match of the DayDoom and GloomThe toon is doonAh think ah'll sup some Newcie BroonThen gan te bed till the next blue moon

For more, click the linkNewcastle United Premiership or Championship?This Newcastle United Premiership or Championship? blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

How long do you cook turkey breast

How long do you cook turkey breast is a question asked on the internet about 700,000 times per year so this is a perfect subject for a search engine tart like me to address, so here goes

Roast at 350 degrees for 20 minutes per poundShould produce meat that will pleaseBut for perfection, use a food thermometer And cook till the temperature reaches 170 degrees.Jon Bratton 2009The best thing to do is cook to temperature. Get a probe thermometer and cook until it reaches 165-175 degrees. It is really hard to tell someone how long to cook a piece of meat because every piece of meat is different and every oven is different and conditions vary. All of these factors contribute to cooking by time being unreliable. Everyone should have a probe thermometer not just for good cooking but for safe cookingIf you want to know more, click the linkHow Long Do You Cook Turkey Breast

Cook a Steak and How Long

Cook a steak and how long?Is a question asked by 500 people each day2 to 5 minutes each sideThat's it...there's not much more to say

Except this, if 2 minutes, rest it for 5

And if 5 minutes, rest it for 2Give it 20 minutes if you want it crematedAnd show it a match if you want it blue

Jon Bratton 2009

How Long Do You Cook a Medium Steak

This is my guide to steak cooking times. They can only be a guide as it depends on the thickness of the steak. I have based these on a steak that is approximately 2.5cm or 1 inch thick.

Rare: 1-2 minutes per side - rest for 6-8 minutesMedium rare: 2-2.5 minutes per side - rest for 5 minutesMedium: 4 minutes per side - rest for 4 minutesWell done: 5.5 minutes per side - rest for 1 minuteThicker steaks may require a longer cooking time, and shorter for thinner steaks.

To know more, clink the link

Cook a Steak and How Long

What Does The USA Flag Colors Represent?

What does the USA flag colors represent?What do the colors signify?The American flag is red, white and blueThe question oft asked is why

It's almost an obsessive questionWhat do the colors mean?Nothing, they're merely the colors

That on the British Union Jack, are seen

The red is from England's St George's CrossAnd Ireland's St Patrick's Cross tooAnd St Andrew's Cross of ScotlandGives us the blue

Meanings have been ascribed to the colorsIn the Great Seal, used for securityThe blue is justice, red is valorAnd the white means purity

But to the question, the flag colorsMean, signify, symbolize what?The answer is nothing, nada, zipZilch, diddly squat

Jon Bratton 2009

To learn more, click the link

What does the USA flag colors represent

This 'What Does The USA Flag Colors Represent' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

American Flag History for Kids

American Flag History for Kids, unlikely as it seems, is a popular search term and it just screamed out for a poem to be written. The job befell me, though I don't claim to be a vexillologist. But first here's the first stanza of the US National Anthem, The Star Spangled Banner (meaning star covered banner)

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early lightWhat so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet waveO'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?Here's another little ditty, from where I know notI love my flag, my country's flagThe red and white and blue.It has broad stripes and fifty stars,And stands for freedom, too.

Now here's me poemThe flag of the United StatesIs red, white and blueIt has 13 stripes and 50 starsBut this wasn't always trueFor its first year as a NationUSA had no flag at allThen it got one with 13 starsSet out in a circle, like a ball

The first official national flagAccording to the storyWas approved on June 14, 1777And nicknamed “Old Glory”The claim of Betsy Ross is that sheMade, with her own hands, the first flagIf that is true, and it seems to beShe was entitled to brag

In 1795, the number of stars and stripes

Was increased by twoVermont and Kentucky joined the unionAnd wanted to be given their dueWhen more joined, the stars increasedBut the stripes reduced backTo represent the 13 coloniesThat gave Britain the sackTwo overseas states, Hawaii and AlaskaWere added from afarsSo now the Stars and StripesHas a total of 50 starsJon Bratton 2009Here's another..the lyrics to a songSaid Washington to Betsy Ross, "A flag our nation needsTo lead our valiant soldiers on to high and noble deedsNow can you make one for us, to which she made reply,"I am not certain if I can; At least I'll gladly try."Chorus:So she took some red for the blood they shedSome white for purity,Some stars so bright from the sky overheadSome blue for loyalty,And sewed them all together,For loyal hearts and true,And hand in hand as one we standFor the red, the white and the blue.Said Betsy Ross to Washington, "Your country's flag behold!"And through his tear-dimmed eyes he saw the stars and stripes unfold.Then to his breast he clasped it, and looked to heaven above."Oh may it ever stand," he cried, "For rights and truth and love."Finally, here's a lovely pieceA Toast to the Flag" by John Jay Daly, c.1918

Here's to the red of it;There's not a thread of it —No nor a shred of it —In all the spread of it,From foot to head,But heroes bled for it,Faced steel and lead for it —Precious blood shed for it,Bathing it red.Here's to the white of it;Thrilled by the sight of it,Who knows the right of itBut has felt the might of itThrough day and night?Womanhood's care for itMade manhood dare for it;Purity's prayer for itKept it so whiteHere's to the blue of it,Heavenly view of it,Star spangled hue of it,Honesty's due of it,Constant and true;Here's to the whole of it —Stars, stripes and pole of it —Here's to the soul of it,Red white and blue.

If you want to know more, click the linkAmerican Flag History for KidsThis 'American Flag History for Kids' blog page is copyright Jon Bratton 2009. The poem may be used for non commercial purposes

Dinosaurs for Kids

Dinosaurs for kids is a fairly popular search term. Some of you will know that I am assisting Paul Perro with his lovely http://www.history-for-kids.com/website and I am quoting here a portion of his longer poem on the subject of 'Dinosaurs for Kids'There was a type of creature called a dinosaur.Which you do not see any more.They lived in a prehistoric time,I’ll tell you about them in this rhyme.Dinosaurs had tiny brainsBut they had ginormous names.Like triceratops, brontosaurus,Velociraptor and OhDon'tBoreUsThe tyrannosaurus rexWas scary, one suspects.It had lots of big sharp teeth,And a *ROAR* that just defied belief.How I wish that I could getA dinosaur to be my pet.I would take him into school one dayAnd everyone would run away.This will never happen, I realizeFor long ago they met their demise.Fossils are all that are left, it seems,You can sometimes see them in museums.This post is a test to see how well or how badly it fares in the Google search engine results page. Paul Perro's webpage is well search engine optimised and yet does not feature on the first ten pages, I suspect because it is a new website and its in Google's so called sandbox. A blog page usually does much better. I'll report backClick the link for moreDinosaurs for Kids and other history poems

Was Shakespeare Gay or Bisexual

Was Shakespeare Gay or Bisexual?

Look at the earlier portrait of Will and look at this newly discovered one.

Spot the difference?For all purposes and intentsIn the one he's a serious poet and dramatistIn the other, as camp as a row of tents

"In the early sonnets, Shakespeare writes about his great love, who happens to be a young man. While many people assume this to mean that he had a male lover and thus was either gay or bisexual there are others who still believe that his male friend was not his lover but someone who was simply very close to him emotionally "...to read more, click the link

Was Shakespeare Gay or Bisexual

Why is Shakespeare Known as The Bard

Why is Shakespeare known as The Bard is explained below in me poem but first know this.

23rd April is the birth date and death date of English poet and playwright William Shakespeare.So, the most famous (possibly) Englishman was born and died on St Georges Day, the Patron Saint of England"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them” from Twelfth Night by ShakespeareWilliam Shakespeare was born and diedOn the very same dayWell, he didn’t last very longI hear some of you sayIf he really was born and diedOn the very same dayHe couldn’t have managed a sonnetNever mind a 3 act playFortunately for us (but not for schoolchildren)There was 52 years in betweenThe first 23rd April was in 1564And the second in 1616Most of his work was producedIn a 23 year frame of timeNearly 40 plays and 150 odd sonnetsAnd poems that don’t even rhymeWhy is Shakespeare known as the Bard?That's not a title he earnsFor that title belongs to The BardScotland's Robert BurnsShakespeare is The Bard of AvonThat's the river in his town of birthBard just means poetIt's Welsh, for what it's worthJon Bratton 2009For more, click the linkWhy is Shakespeare known as the Bard or is it Rabbie BurnsThis'Why is Shakespeare known as the Bard' blog entry is copyright of Jon Bratton 2009

Story of Easter for Children

I wrote Story of Easter for Children because tomorrow is Maundy Thursday when the Queen gives Maundy Money to pensioners. Last Sunday was Palm Sunday and after tomorrow it's Good Friday and then there's Easter Sunday. Kids probably don't know anything other than it's an Eating Chocolate Fest so this is my poem explaining it in rhyme, for this blog of course but primarily as a contribution to the great new website www.history-for-kids.com

Do you know the story of Easter?

Of course you get Easter eggs so yummyBut Easter is about much moreThan just good things for your tummy

It is a Christian Church FestivalHeld every SpringAbout the death of Jesus...that's badAnd his coming to life again...Good Thing !

Palm Sunday is a week before EasterIt celebrates when Jesus rode into Jerusalem townOn a donkey, which walked overAll the coats that the people threw down

Story of Easter for Children

The people who didn’t have coatsWent to the fields where they foundPalm branches which they spreadAll across the ground

These people knew that Jesus was special.It was like when a King comes to town,They didn’t have a red carpetSo they laid their coats, and branches down.

Story of Easter for Children

And to this day a donkey is specialBecause it carried Jesus with care~If you look at the back of a donkeyYou’ll see a cross is still there

Next comes the day of the Last Supper

Maundy Thursday, when Judas was Jesus’ enemyFor silver money, he betrayed his friendIn the Garden of Gethsemane

Maundy means commandment

Jesus said at the Last Supper“I am your brother

As I have loved you

You must love one another”

The Queen of Britain gives money

Every Maundy Day

To people who are old

And no longer get any pay

Story of Easter for Children

The next day is Good FridayThe day Jesus was crucifiedTwo days later, on Easter Sunday he said"I've come back...coz I've just un-died

He didn't stay long with his friendsHe didn't die, but rather

He went straight up to HeavenTo join God, which art (who was) His Father

The word Easter comes from EostreThe name of a Saxon godd-essWho found a little birdIn a little bit of a messThe poor bird couldn't flyIt had lost more than a featherSo the goddess turned it into a hareTo survive the Winter weather

Story of Easter for Children

The hare found it could lay eggsWhich was a very strange thingSo it decorated the eggs and gave themTo the goddess every Spring

If you think that a hare laying eggsIs so very funnyRemember,that's why we have Easter eggsAnd of course, the Easter Bunny

Jon Bratton 2009

If you want more, click the link

Story of Easter for Children

This story of easter for children is copyright of Jon Bratton 2009

Short Easter Poems

As Easter is nearly upon us I thought I'd bring you some Short Easter poems...just when all your cards have already been sent for this year. I drafted this entry weeks ago and then got busy.This first one was for an Aunt who wanted to send a card to her 20 year old nephew and made a card with an Easter Bunny Girl on the front

You're too old for easter eggs and things

My handsome young nephew

But you're not too young for Easter 'chicks'

So I'm sending one to you

To put a Spring in your step

Jon Bratton 2009

**

Roses are redViolets are blueChocolate is brownHappy Easter to youShort Easter Poems

Easter duck and Easter chick,

Easter eggs with chocolate thick.

Easter hats for one and all,

Easter bunny makes a call!

Happy Easter always brings

Such a lot of pleasant things!

Short easter Poems

Hello yellow

For chicks and daffodils

Playing, swaying in the Springtime breeze

Howdi brown,( not for trees)

But for Chocolate,chocolate...and more chocolate

Pleeeeeeease

This one is for that new breed of people

Child Rearing Grandparents

Mum (Mom) (and Dad) you know I (we) rely on youPerhaps more than I (we) oughtBut I (we) really do appreciateAll your love and support

Have a really lovely EasterAnd may all your chocs be beautiesHave a nice long rest before resumingYour childminding duties

Which I (we) hope you find rewardingNot in money terms, as suchBut knowing that I (we) and the childrenLove you very much

Jon Bratton c 2006

***

Happy Norther

Happy Souther

Happy Wester

Got it !Happy Easter

***

Guess who's hop, hop, hopping your way?

To wish you a hap, hap, happy Holiday.

Loaded with goodies made just for you.

It's the Easter BunnyThat's who.

May your Easter be wrapped in happiness .....and tied with love

Want More? Click the LinkShort Easter Poems

This Short Easter Poems blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009Non commercial use of the poems is OK but not for use on websites

Poems Containing Metaphors, Onomatopoeia, Alliteration, Assonance

If you came here just for examples of onomatopoeiaclick this linkOnomatopoeia Poems

Paula’s hair looks like rats’ tails .

Oh that’s a simileEsther estimated every elevation.

That’s alliteration, clearlyIan’s head is a shed.

Call that a metaphor, my dearAll at once, whoosh, went the wind

Love that alliterative onomatopoeia

Dave is occupied in the wash room.

Euphemism, is what’s been penned

Verily I say, O wet pet

Is an odd ode spoke to a soaked sole friendCould that be assonance just then and can the whole

Epigram, with imagery be acrostic in some waySo that’s all the POETICAL DEVICES , there’s nothing more to say

Jon Bratton 2009

For more, click the link

Poems Containing Metaphors Onomatopoeia Alliteration

The image is from http://www.instantdisplay.co.uk/alliteration.PNG

This 'poems containing Metaphors, Onomatopoeia, Alliteration, Assonance' blog page is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

Spring has Sprung...while we slept

Historically spring starts on the day of the vernal equinox, which usually occurs on the night of 20/21 March. That was last night

Here's the famous Spring in the Bronx ditty that people all over the Northern Hemisphere English speaking world say at this time of year

Spring has sprung, the grass is ris,I wonder where the boidies isThe boid is on the wing,How absoidThe wing is on the boid!

It must be assumed that this is by Author Unknown..it is not Ogden Nash as is often alleged. Listen up allegators, Ogden had all his stuff published starting with

Spring Comes To Murray HillOgden Nash

which goes

I sit in an office at 244 Madison AvenueAnd say to myselfYou have a responsible job havenue?Why then do you fritter away your time on this doggerel?If you have a sore throat you can cure it by using a good goggeral etc

He doesn't mention Spring but he does say

Oh, if I only had the wings of a birdInstead of being confined on Madison AvenueI could soar in a jiffy to Second or Third.

It is alleged Ogden Nash wrote

Spring has newly sprungthe hills are full of grassand along comes a billy-goatsliding on his overcoatdown the summer pass

but I don't think so. It doesn't sound Nashy enough to me. Now this sounds Nashy

Spring is what wintaAlways gozinta.

Walking along the 4th fairway at my golf club the other day 'Spring has Sprung' popped into my head, as did this

The horse is on the hoof

Nonsense, of courseThe hoof is on the horseJon Bratton 2009

Here's another variation on the theme

Spring has sprung, the grass has ris’,I wonder where the birdie is?There he is up in the sky,He dropped some whitewash in my eye!I‘m alright, I won’t cry,I’m just glad that cows can’t fly!

~ Author Unknown ~

And another

Spring has sprung,The grass has riz,I wonder where the flowers is

And one more

Spring has sprung!", said the bumble bee."How do you know?", said the old oak tree."I just saw a daffodil blooming on a windy hill!"

Want more?

Spring has Sprung while we slept

This 'Spring has Sprung...while we slept' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

Top 50 Crafters

Top 50 Crafters is an organisation I have never felt at home with. I run several UK craft sites but Top 50 crafters only allow some. That's fair enough, but they never have the good grace to say sorry, you're not suitable, etc..they merely silently don't list you, leaving you in the doldrums.For that reason alone I oft considered removing their adverts from my sites and not bothered to tell them. I've now done that and have told them. www. verses4cards.co.uk and www. love-of-poems.com are no longer listed on Top 50 CraftersSo, on the day that our Prime Minister talks to the USA about the dangers of protectionism and the benefits of the World acting as one, for the benefit of all, Top 50 Crafters, in their misguidance have decided to only include traffic from UK visitors effectively, overnight, downgrading all the most efficient UK companies who draw their traffic from the UK predominently but also( and who in their right mind would not want to seek traffic) from USA and beyond (Top 50 Crafters have never counted traffic from other English speaking areas of the World eg Australia, Canada, New Zealand, South Africa etc and huge sub continents who seek English language stuff eg India)Their current tag line is 'Top50 Crafters is the definitive list of Craft sites in the UK' Oh really? Where are Hobbycraft, Docrafts, Craft Creations?This is a company whose main line of work is about selling you a www site. The first w stands for World. In my view if you're seeking the World, avoid perochial

What is the Quickest Way to Heal a Cut

What is the Quickest Way to Heal a Cut?

Those who are regulars readers will know that the only reason I am covering this seemingly bizarre subject is because the topic 'what is the quickest way to heal a cut' must be commonly searched for but not well catered for.This is true but I accepted the challenge to see whether I could give good advice in rhyme, so here goes

The best way to clean a cut, scrapeOr puncture wound (such as from a nail)Is under a running tapOr with cool water from a pail

Use soap and a soft washcloth to clean the skinBut keep soap out of the wound. Any why?Because soap can cause irritation.Ever had some in your eye?

Bleeding helps clean out wounds.So bleeding is goodIt stops quickly although bleeding is longer on the faceWhich is more rich in blood

To stop the bleeding, apply firmBut gentle pressure, at the causeWith a clean cloth or tissueOr a piece of gauze.

If the blood soaks through the gauze or clothDon't take it off.Just apply more pressureAnd add another cloth on top

If your wound is on an arm or leg,Raising it above your heartWill help slow the bleedingRight from the start.

If the wound needs coveringUse gauze and tape, Band-Aid or stallIf the wound won’t get dirty or be rubbed by clothingIt’ll heal quicker if not covered at all

Antibiotic ointments help healingBy keeping out infection and keeping the wound clean .A bandage does pretty much the same thingWithout needing antibiotic cream

Cuts to the skin are rarely painfulThough lots of blood may make you feel sickBut if you follow the advice just givenComplete healing will be quick

If you want a second opinion follow this link

What is the Quickest Way to Heal a Cut

This 'What is the Quickest Way to Heal a Cut' poem is copyright Jon Bratton 2009