Goodbye Sad Poems, But Funny

Goodbye Sad Poems is a popular search, particularly for co-workers who are departing for pastures new, or retiring. I have written many such poems where the goodbye maybe sad but the poem is funny. These were written about very specific people but here I've taken all the generic material and welded it together to produce a poem to apply to anyone...with a sense of humour. If to a teetotaller, take out the verses about drink. It is intended to be read out loud by two people, the black type is good cop and the purple is bad cop

Today)(tonight), we have a change of style

It's a different kind of do

I've cut my eloquent, articulate, smooth and polished speech

That'll save an hour or two

We have for you a little dittyA farewell and good luck quipTo say goodbye to our dear friendAs he departs this sinking ship

Yes a Co-worker is leavingIt's now sincerity timeTo pay him a special tributeBy insulting him in rhyme

Co-workers leaving is always sadA time for sorrow and grievingBut today we can be happyCoz it's Charlie Smith that's leaving

I've heard about your dittiesI'm not sure I'm very keenI just take poetic licenseYou take liberties, you mean

If you're going to insult my friendI don't want any partOh (Mary)(Bill), don't make a fussI'll behave, cross my heart

OK, but no derogatory remarks

Did I not promise just nowNo innuendoes or calling him namesGet on, yer silly cow

Alright, it's goodbye to a hard worker

It is a terrible pity

To lose such a staunch member of...

The Skivers and Shirkers Committee

We're saying goodbye to a learned colleagueWho knows that one over the eight is nineWe're bidding adieu to a man of spiritWho's very fond of wine

We all like to socialiseWith a drop of wine or beerBut to us, it's just a pastimeTo Charlie, it's his career

Work is a mere distractionAs a respite, it's fineBetween yesterday's binge on beerAnd today's excess of wine

Charlie's a very hard workerDo you really think that's true?If you tell Mr (Brown) Charlie's leavingHe'll say "Sorry, Charlie Who?

No I'm not having itWe can't treat a friend this wayOK, Clever ClogsYou think of something nice to say

You can always rely on CharlieWhen you're in a desperate needWhen things are bad but could get worseThey will, that's guaranteed

I remember when poor Charlie (lost that big order)(fell down the stairs) (whatever)I felt sorry for him, more than a bitIt's something Charlie would like to forgetYes, that's why I mentioned it

You couldn't have been more insulting

What have you got to say?

I'm very sorry...I'm very sorry

You made me throw all the best bits away

Charlie, take no notice of himAt least I'm on your sideThis one here, couldn't have been more insultingBut believe me, Charlie, I tried

I'd like now to propose a toast

To bring this to an end

To Charlie, no longer a co-worker

But still a very dear friend

Jon Bratton 2009but based on his earlier material

If you want more Goodbye Sad Poems...but funny, click the link

Goodbye Sad poems, but funny

This 'Goodbye Sad Poems, but funny' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009. The poem may be used for non commercial purposes

Leaving Poem

This is a continuation of the leaving poem started the day before yesterday. In this section Martin and Gill, a married couple are discussed

Anyway, who are these five peopleWho will pretty soon be goneIt's time for us to name themAnd insult them one by one

Let's start with Gill, a talented actressA girl of many partsShe can play a really marvelous drunkWho hiccups, burps and....falls over

Gill's been in so many plays'Absent Friends' was a nice pieceAh yes Dianna, she only wanted one affair

The entire Canadian Mounted Police

She was in Shakespeare's LadiesAnd in 'What the Butler Saw'And two parts in the Comedy HourAnd she still came back for more

Pic from http://www.chesterlestreettheatregroup.com/

And in 'Move Over Mrs Markham'

She really can't go wrong

All tweedy drawers and sensible shoes

It'll be her great swan song

That's where she has a "man that does"

Which is somewhat ironic

Cos Martin would like to, but usually can't

After a night on sid and tonic

Are you saying his connubial duties

He is failing to fulfill

I'm just saying-once he's said yes to a pint

He always says no to a Gill

But Martin really loves his wife

Then he should really love her first

It's not his fault, it's just he has

A most prodigious thirst

But he must be a man that does

Every now and then

Oh of course....three times

Charis, Luke and Jen

No I'm not having it

(Oh you as well, huh?)

We can't treat a friend this way

OK, Clever Clogs

You think of something nice to say

Err...um..We're really glad there's a few more months

Before he finally retires

And he's going to be a tremendous loss

To the local sid suppliers

He's been a great help to them

I must say, quite ingeniously

Now look, Martin doesn't drink that much

What? He takes it intravenously?

Martin's made a marvelous contribution

To this town's theatre life

Oh you mean while he was boozing at the darts

He sent along his wife

No, I mean he's contributed a great deal

To the theatres of this town

Oh yes, I remember his two cultured acts of drama

Balox meets Charlie Brown

I really think you've said enough

You're all the same, you men

You never mentioned Martin's producing skills

I did, Charis, Luke and Jen

It's a bit of a slog, writing a blog without feedback. I'd be made up if, before you made off, you made a comment________________________________________________

Leaving Poem

Leaving Poem for Expat Friends Involved in Am Dram Theatre Group Leaving the Country

Five people were leaving the theater group and this poem was read out in the Blue Room, following the performance of a skit. It was another double act, this time with a lady. I read the lines in bold

This is just a little ditty

A ma-salama poem

To say goodbye to our dear friends

As they make their way back home

Yes folks, you've had the play

It's now sincerity time

To pay tribute to our departing members

And insult them all in rhyme

I've heard about your ditties

I'm not sure I'm very keen

I just take poetic license

You take liberties, you mean

If you're going to insult my friends

I don't want any part

Oh Mary, don't make a fuss

I'll behave, cross my heart

OK, but no derogatory remarksDid I not promise just nowNo innuendoes or calling people names

Get on, yer silly cow

Alright, it's goodbye to two fine actorsWhich is a terrible pity

It's goodbye to a fine producer

And two members of committee

We say goodbye to just one motherAnd three men-the total's nineWe bid adieu to a man of spiritAnd one who deals in wine

Ma-salama to two married couples

And one who's happy....and freeIf we count the departing back stage folkThe number comes to three

So far, that's seventeen people

That's really more than plentyThrow in two ladies and a lighting manAnd the number comes to twenty

There's two who dabble in computersThere's one in avionicsThere's four who like to tipple wineAnd one on sid and tonics

There's a sewing singing teacher

Who's big in the arts... arseThere's a devoted snooker playerWho like playing darts... farce

There's one with a London accentThere's four who speak quite poshThere's two who like a game of bridgeAnd one who's fond of squash

There's one who's very nauticalAnd at least one who's very naughtyThat's an awful lot of peopleThe number now is forty

Photo from www.bbc.co.uk

Forty people leaving?

That's enough to fill a bus

But it's not the first time that we've faced

A mass exodus

Anyway, I've found some double accounting

The number's only five

And though they're indispensable

ORP will survive

ORP used to be mainly American

Then the British made a coop (coup)

Excuse me, that should be coo, it's French. It's a silent 'P'A silent 'P' huh?

OK! ORP used to be American

Then the British made a coo

And now the Brits are leaving

Five in one fell swoo

So what'll become of the membership

Who will it next comprise

If it goes the way of the Country

Bangladeshis and Thais

There's another 40 verses of this so I'll continue it tomorrow

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It's a bit of a slog, writing a blog without feedback. I'd be made up if, before you made off, you made a comment

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Leaving Poem

Anyway, he decided to join a choirHe'd heard singers could be funAnd besides, if he could get a SingerHe'd get more sewing done.(..of wild oats)

This is one of a number of saying goodbye/leaving job poems I wrote and read out at leaving parties for British and American expats, leaving after a number of years working in a Middle Eastern country. In this particular one, for a horticulturist and his wife I had a second person reading the insulting lines...shown in bold

Horticulturist grows and grows

This is just a little dittyA ma-salama poemTo say goodye to our dear friendsAs they make their way back home

Yes folks here we go againIt's goodbye ditty timeWe usually do this kind of thingWith insults all in rhyme

But these two people are too niceFor anything like thatSo I'm striking out this next lineDick Salisbury's getting fat?

Well, come on, let's face itHe's not exactly underweight

He's just maximising growth potentialIt's his job to propagate

Well, I must say he's good at itThe evidence clearly showsHe must be eating bone mealHe just grows,,,and grows...and grows

He's like one of his tomatoesFed on growing stuffDick, it's time to ease off a bitYou've grown quite big enough

Now look we've discussed thisYou're just being rudeI'm just trying to make the pointThat Dick is fond of food

So what if Dick's a little..podgey? fuller figuredWho wants him slim and slick?

Exactly, let's ask the ladiesWho likes a big fat Dick?

There's 68 more verses to come so I'll leave it there for today but stay tuned for the more to come...who was Wanda?