Royal Wedding Poem

This Royal Wedding Poem is a departure for me because, as you regular readers know, I am a search engine tart, that's to say if people around the World aren't searching for such a subject, in huge numbers, then I ain't writing about it.And yet here am I doing that very thing...because, shame on Britain, they are not searching in significant numbers. Wills and Kate getting married...Diana's eldest son...Going to be King!!!!...wake up Britain( I'm required to say again Royal Wedding Poem. I'll probably do it again before this post is done. I'll be guided by Google who will eventually rule the UniverseA nice lady found me on Facebook... and asked if I still did personalised poems, which I don't BUT I admired that she tracked me down, it was at a time when I must have been lusting (but didn't know I was) to write in response to personal details and to cut a long story long I agreed to write something for her, for nothing,..and here for you is what I didn't write. What I did write is between me and her and I told her I would publish what I wrote but does she want it blurted out this soon. Probably not, so stay stumThis is on the lines of what I did write...but altered to protect privacy. If you are a best man or a father of the bride or the groom or a best woman for a wedding taking place on 29th April 2011, deliberately, or coincidentally, chosen to coincide with Will's and Kate's wedding, you are welcome to use this material... but, for God's sake, just don't be involved in a Wiltshire weddingHere's, the generic version of what I wroteThe Westminster Pair and our (Ealing) (chavs and slappers)Have in common, quite a lotThree of them’s quite commonAnd one of them is notOne has special breedingAnd boy does it showToday (Vera) is the princessBut then I’m biased, don’t you knowAs (Vera)’s old time friend, I’m Best WomanI’m nervous, it’s my first time(At making a speech, you naughty people)So I’m reading out my little speechAnd I’m doing it in rhymeI’m calling for audience participationEspecially from the drunks out thereWhen you hear an obvious repeat line (I’ll give you a clue) Emphasise the ‘ate’ soundPerhaps you’ll give a little cheerOr, if you’re really, really up for itEven better, it would certainly beIf you would anticipate, and recite, the lineRight along with me( I'm required to say again Royal Wedding Poem. I know not why but I'll probably do it again before this post is done. I'll be guided by Google who will eventually rule the UniverseSo, here goes:-Today's a very special dayIsn’t Britain Great?We've all been given the day offAnd… all the pubs are open late (cheers)For today’s (handsome) (alcoholic) Groom, (Jack),It’s a double celebration dateHis wedding’s good but what floats his boatIs that… the pubs are open late (cheers)The whole Country's gone ballisticThere's bunting everywhereThere's gun salutes and cheeringWhich is surprising for a (Liverpudlian) pairEveryone is celebratingDrinking booze by the crateBecause (Vera)’s finally pinned down (Jack)And..also(pause and the audience who will shout 'All the pubs are open late' Then read the actual lineNo…Prince William married KateHere's to two very happy bridesThe beautiful (Vera) and KateIt's not just the wedding day they have in commonCan you guess?... (audience will say the pubs are open late)No...It’s a very long and patient waitAren’t I a provocative f…f ..female?Both brides met their future husbands(10 years ago) (5 years ago) ( A while ago), both by pure chanceBoth women had to tolerateA (longer-than-ideally-planned)…romance orA(longer-than-necessary-because-he's-such-a-woosy-typically-blokey-blokey-bollocky-non-makey-mindy-up-sitty-on-the-fence-dip-stick-sort-of-bloke)romanceOn the whole, (Vera)’s demeanourHas been surprisingly bright and breezyTelling folks you’re courting a (Teddy Bear) (Everton supporter) (Welsh twit) (Geordie)Really can’t be easyDuring (Jack) and (Vera’s) protracted courtship(They managed (twice) to propagate)(They failed to propagate)It would have (been more) (happened), but for (Jack)’s excuseAll the pubs are open late(Beautiful (Sophie) and baby (James)Are the results we see todayNow that (Vera)’s finger’s got a ring on itPerhaps more are on the wayI must say the wedding so far has been very goodWe’ve been watered and we’ve ateWe can look forward to this eveningCos…( the pubs are) (the hotel bar is) open lateSo, to recap…In the spring of twenty eleven, (Jack) a (rock star ) (plonker) (wonderfully best bloke in t‘World))Took (Vera) his (children's mummy ) (sweetheart) (soul mate) for his wifeGood luck you whirlwind romanticsHave a long and happy lifeIn a moment, we'll raise our glassesTo (Jack), and (Vera), his wife, and my bessie mateAnd I'll remind you of this repeatedly happy thoughtAll the pubs are open lateToast (Jack) and (Vera)And to finish off, here’s an out-take from this dittyOptional extraRight now, my dance card’s emptyBook now, you won’t have long to waitYou’ll not know what hit you on the dance floorNo, shut up, its not the bloody pubs are open lateIt’s…My husband’s six foot eightThank YouTumultuous Applause, please**Here's a poem by Sir Andrew Motion, the Poet Laureate, entitled Spring Wedding marking the wedding of Will's Dad to Camilla Parker Bowles . Note, he has not written about Will's and Kate's wedding...perhaps I should be the Doggerelist Laureate and when Will is King I think I will be...dead

Spring Wedding

I took your news outdoors, and strolled a whileIn silence on my square of garden-groundWhere I could dim the roar of arguments,Ignore the scandal-flywheel whirring round,

And hear instead the green fuse in the flowerIgnite, the breeze stretch out a shadow-hand

To ruffle blossom on its sticking points,The blackbirds sing, and singing take their stand.

I took your news outdoors, and found the SpringHad honoured all its promises to startDisclosing how the principles of earthCan make a common purpose with the heart.

The heart which slips and sidles like a streamWeighed down by winter-wreckage near its source -But given time, and come the clearing rain,Breaks loose to revel in its proper course.

( I'm required to say again Royal Wedding Poem. Royal Wedding Poem elsewhere

Wedding Poem from Bride to Groom

This fabulous image is from http://www.aaronphoto.co.nz a fantastic photographer with a unique style. The big white frock looks like a flower

This Wedding Poem from Bride to Groom has been on my Verses4Cards site for a few years but it's sorta buried amongst many other wedding poems so I thought I'd give it a higher billing. Until the last line, the poem reads as if it is from anyone..the groom's parents, the bride's parents, the best man, a well wisher. I just love the word 'frock'

(Jeremy) have a lovely day

As you enter Paradise

Look out for the girl in the big white frock

You'll find her very nice

Take your place by her side

Squeeze her hand with a loving touch

Say "I do" and she will too

For she loves you very much

She knows that you love her too

And that you'll always be her rock

This card, it comes with the fondest love

From the girl in the big white frock

Jon Bratton c 2005

Want to read another? Click the link

Wedding Poem from Bride to Groom

This 'Wedding Poem from Bride to Groom' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009 but brides are welcome to use it. Website publishers may use it, with permission, and credit must be givenjon@jbratton.com

Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings

http://loloud.wordpress.com/2008/11/19/life-after-marriage/

Over the years I've written many wedding ceremony humorous readings in rhyming form which tend to 'roast' the couple, collectively and individually and finish off with nice stuff. It is difficult to write something that applies to all couples but parts can apply to most people

For example

Will you (Samantha) buy an expensive dressThat costs more than a week's wagesHide it, and when (Alan) asks if it's newSay 'this? no I've had it for ages'

Will you (Alan) leave up the toilet seatAccording to Man's sacred lawAnd do you promise always to leave the wet towelIn a heap on the bathroom floor

A common theme in Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings is how long it took the Groom to propose

Congratulations (Samantha and Alan )On this your wedding dayWould it happen this Millennium?We've heard some cynics sayHe acted like greased lightningDynamic, you know the kind(9) years is all that it tookFor (Alan) to make up his mind

Let's face it, (Sam) wasn't chooseyShe admits it to herselfNo spring chicken she feared that she'dBe left up on the shelf

Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings continue with a bit about each...this is very specific to the people involved but here's stuff that could apply to most

Despite major differencesThe pair found common groundFor example, his (big bum) matches her (big nose)Or is it the other way round?

They share a love of (foreign hols)They're (XYZ) and (AB) fansLove flourished and so the two of themHatched their wedding plans

While (Samantha) thinks of kissingWhen (Alan's) lips are pursedHis mind is on a can of (Bud )To quench his prodigious thirst

(Samantha's) dad dropped lots of hintsYour own love nest would be niceAnd eventually they moved to (Brentwood Street)(96), to be precise

And there they started begattingAnd all that luvvy dovey stuffThey must have been good coz in no time at all(Samantha) was up the duff

Along came young David and JamesTo make their family completeOr is it? Who knows what'll happenThe honeymoon starts toneet!

Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings usually comment on the main participants and could continue like so

Well, that's the potted historySo all that remains to sayIs thanks a lot (Alan and Samantha)For a really smashin' day

We all agree the bride is beautifulOn the best day of her lifeShe walked down the aisle Miss SpinsterAnd back up it Mrs Wife

And if we didn't thank the bridesmaidsWe really would fail(Sophie and Hannah) you're beautifulLike Princesses from a fairy tale

We should thank best man (Gary)And (Jim), the bride giver awayAnd the mothers (Carole and Margaret)Thanks for all you've done today

And thanks too to (Alan) the groomLooking handsome as can beAnd not forgetting the fat bloke reading the poemSo that's a thanks a lot to me

The ending of Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings should acknowledge the roasting/ribbing and be the nice stuff

We've been so very insultingAnd we apologise for suchHave a very long and happy lifeWe love you very much

orWe're very proud of both of youAnd this we'd like to sayGod bless you both and best of luckOn this your special day

If ending in a toast

Finally, let's raise our glassesTo the stars of the day(Alan and Samantha) may the days and years aheadBe special in every way

Here's a link to more material

Royal Wedding Poem

Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings

Wedding Poem

Wedding Poem

I attended a wedding in Cyprus in May of this year and on the morning of the weddding, sat by the Hotel pool, I penned this poem about the bride and groom to be read out at the reception held in a restaraunt in the harbour of Ayia Napa

Congratulations Jack and AlisonOn your marriage, just a few hours oldWeren't the children well behaved?Even Alan was as good as gold

It's 10 years since they metAnd today, finally, he's managed to trap herStarting out at the Ship, they've ended in the harbourHere in Ayia Napa

Six years they were a-courting'Would she ever leave home?' Alan would fretYou see she worked days and he worked nightsSo they hardly ever met

Alan dropped hints to AlisonYour own love nest would be niceAnd eventually they moved to Brentwood Street96, to be precise

And there they started begattingAnd all that luvvy dovey stuffThey must have been good coz in no time at allAlison was up the duff

Along came young David and JamesTo make their family completeOr is it? Who knows what'll happenThe honeymoon starts the neet!

Well, that's the potted historySo all that remains to sayIs thanks a lot Jack and AlisonFor a really smashin' day

We all agree the bride is beautifulLike a queen from a golden palaceShe walked down the aisle Miss WilliamsAnd back up it Mrs Allis

And if we didn't thank the bridesmaidsWe really would failSophie and Hannah you're beautifulLike Princesses from a fairy tale

We should thank best man GaryAnd Alan, the bride giver awayAnd the mothers Carole and MargaretThanks for all you've done today

And thanks too to Jack the groomLooking handsome as can beAnd not forgetting the fat bloke reading the poemSo that's a thanks a lot to me

And finally...let's raise our glassesTo toast the stars of todayHave a very long and happy lifeMr and Mrs A

Jon Bratton 2008

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Wedding Speech

This is continuation of the poem about Dick the horticulturist which I started yesterday, which was last month. The title reflects the best search term since this part of the poem is about Dick meeting his future wife and could be useful for a best man's speech

Hadrian's Wall made a lot of senseAye te keep you bloody Sassenachs ootHe should have built an electric fence

Horticulturist sows...first, his wild oats, and then, the seeds of love

That's just enough of your insultsThat's not why we're hereWe're doing a sort of 'This is Your Life'Let's start with Dick's career

Dick considered off-shore bankingBut he's no money vultureSo having nothing else to do in JerseyHe turned to horticulture

So straight away Dick found a whoreA Swedish girl on the gameShe was the perfect specimenAnd Wanda was her name

He took her to the operaAnd, to museums and thingsBut none of this appealed to herShe just liked diamond rings

She didn't care for ShakespeareShe just wanted a coat of minkDick discovered you can lead a hor ti culture

But you cannot make her think

Wanda was good for sowing wild oatsBut Dick began to shopNow that he was into sowingHe sought a maximum crop

Now look I've warned youYou're just being crudeWell, let's face it...Dick's appetite for sexIs like his appetite for food

Anyway, he decided to join a choirHe'd heard singers could be funAnd besides, if he could get a SingerHe'd get more sewing done

His friends had in mind the perfect girlWho taught in the local classHer name of course was MaryOur bonny Scottish lass

Wanda would do anything for dick

That's Wanda would do anything, for DickBut Dick's friends had this thoughtTo make him interestedIn a refined, more cultured sort

Would Dick go for a teacher?His friends just couldn't tell"Yes", said Dick, "I like TeachersAnd Johnny Walker as well

In fact I like any brand of whisky"

A misunderstanding we think

Well, it's not just food and sex Dick likesHe's also fond of drink

Dick and Mary's relationshipAt this stage was platonicYep, to Dick it was just playTo Mary, a tonic

She sought reassuranceAfter each and every boutHer mother said she must be goodAnd of that, Dick had no doubt

Dick could see the benefitOf marrying this Catholic lassShe was a regular in the choirAnd never missed a mass

Not the least of these attractionsWas her very nameYou see her initials then were M.S.After marriage, they'd be the same

Dick worked on simple logicAnd it was undoubtedly trueShe wouldn't need new handkerchiefsThat would save a bob or two

To most of us that logicWould be kinda funnyBut Dick didn't just crave food, sex and drinkHe was also into money

Anyway, while Dick was working out his sumsMary announced she'd goOn a teaching job to KenyaWith the VSO

She was well prepared for what she facedCountless unknown ravagesWell, she'd grown up in ScotlandSurrounded by Savages

Hey steady on mateYou may be absolutely rightBut there's quite a few Scotsmen hereLet's not start a fight

By pre-arrangement a Scotsman interjects

See you Jimmy, see youAm prepared to let that passBut any more and aah'll rip yer heed aff, so ah willAnd stick it up yer ass

You see, that's just typicalHadrian's Wall made a lot of senseScotsman again Aye te keep you bloody Sassenachs ootHe should have built an electric fence

Ah ha they didn't have elec...Please fellas, simmer downWe don't want this kind of strifeWhy not? The Salisburys have to face thisEvery day of their married life

Sir, he wasn't insulting ScotsmenMary's maiden name was SavageWell, his outburst serves to illustrateThe problems of mixed marriage

Anyway, off Mary went to KenyaTo teach them ABC'sLeaving Dick in his tomato patchWith muck up to his knees

As Mary had departedAnd taken poor Dick's heartDick too, developed wanderlustYeah a lust for Wanda, his little Swedish tart

No I mean he wanted to see the WorldTo open a new doorYeah Wanda's...it was her foreign partsHe wanted to explore

One day, as planes passed over headDick was tilling in the rainHe decided the next one out of thereWould be a Salisbury plane

.....to be continued. Dick was now in the Middle East, Mary in Africa. Would they marry? What became of Wanda? More tomorrow