Joke Of The Day 03/03/08

Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the
occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Day 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
Day 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep deprivation, incessant pleas for food at all hours of the night.
Day 767 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
Day 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture.This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my
confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue, something akin to mole speak, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal, room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

From: Ajokeaday.com # 450 (receive via email)
Author: Mark O USA.

Joke Of The Day 03/01/08

Years ago, I fractured my ribs. If this has ever happened to you, the pain is so severe that if someone walks near you, you will actually scream. I had to go on disability and take pain medication that did not help. My good friend told me to boil some comfrey plants chopped up and strained and while still hot take a rag and dip into the hot solution and apply to the hurt. Within 1 day my hurt was almost completely gone. Just recently I took some Comfrey to one of my coworkers because her back was hurting so bad and she tried it and couldn’t thank me enough, don’t ever turn your nose up at anything unless you have given it a try. I know that your body is going to say, why didn’t you do this before.

From: WisdomTips.com # 1900 (receive via email)
Author: Joey USA.

Love Poems a120-a122

a120: My heart is bleeding
and i always pray to forget u, but even God ignored me
- Stephanie.

a121: You mess with my mind to much. One day you love me and the next you hate me. So tell me why I'm still here listening to your crap??
- Broken For Forever.

a122: One day in the near future, your gonna come right back to me like you always do. Your gonna say you need me and can't live without me. But then it's going to be different. I'm going to have enough courage to tell you no.
- Broken For Forever.