Funny Rhyme Poem

Family Politics

Welcome to yet another funny rhyme poem. At the bottom of this page are links to other short funny rhyming poems

A little boy asks his Dad

"What’s politics all about?”

His Dad said “I'm breadwinner of the family,

So I’m Capitalism, no doubt.

Your Mum (Mom), she's the Government.

She shops, she cares, she feeds,

The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.

You’re the People-we see to your needs

Your baby brother, we'll call him the Future.

Now, it’s time to go to bed

And as you’re dropping off to sleep

Consider what I’ve said.

Later, the boy hears baby brother crying,A severely soiled nappy/diaper he foundSo the little boy goes to his parents' roomAnd finds his mother sleeping sound.

At the nanny's room he peeks insideLying next to nanny‘s, is Dad’s headHe quickly assesses the situationAnd goes back to bed.

The next morning, he says to his father,"Dad, politics I know the truth and realise."Dad says, "Good son, tell me in your own wordsAnd the little boy replies,

"While Capitalism screws the Working Class,The Government sleeps on it,The People are ignoredAnd the Future’s deep in shit."

Jon Bratton 2008

(based on a joke, by I know not)

Another funny rhyme poem

Short funny rhyming poems

Yet another funny rhyming poem

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Short Funny Rhyming Poems

Welcome to another poem in the short funny rhyming poems seriesPrincess Celt

Once, a king’s daughter.Had a problem to solveWhatever Princess Celt touchedWould simply dissolve.No matter what; metal, wood, stone,Anything she touched would diffuse.The king was desperate to help.He needed a ruseSaid the best of magiciansWho found the cure, by and by“She should touch just one thingThat doesn’t liquefy”So the king held a competition ,The prize was his treasureThe winner would marry CeltAnd be rich beyond measureThe first suitor had a swordWhich he brandished aloftShe just touched it quite lightlyIt went squidgy and softThe second brought diamonds.What’s harder than they?She just cupped them lightlyAnd they melted awayThe third said "Put your hand in my pocketFeel there, dear CeltShe felt something hardBut it didn’t meltHe married the PrincessHe had something to sate herWhat he had in his pants?I’ll tell you that laterwhen I return to the Princess Celt poem in the Short Funny Rhyming Poems seriesFor now, I want to talk more about the American foodstuff giant Mars Inc and their, once, strange, for no apparent reason, habit of giving different brand names to the same product depending on where it was being sold. Remember the Snickers/Marathon silliness

This story starts with Smarties, a product made by the British company Rowntrees, now part of Nestles

Forrest Mars Sr, the son of the founder of Mars Inc, saw soldiers during the Spanish Civil War, eating SmartiesAlong with R. Bruce Murrie who had a 20% stake, Mars purchased the rights. They had to introduce them to the US market with a different name because there was already a candy product sold in the States under the name of Smarties.To identify their new brand, they combined the initials of their last names: M & M.M&M's were first sold in the United States in 1941. By World War II, which didn’t start in the US until 1943, American soldiers were given the candy by the United States Army because they were a convenient snack that travelled well in any climate; Shortly after this it was marketed to the public.M&M's soon became a hit. Chocolate versions weren’t introduced into the UK then because Smarties had the market sown up but peanut M&Ms were introduced, probably in the 1950s. Bizarrely they were called Treets (also in France, Germany, Switzerland, The Netherlands ) until 1990 when they were sensibly re-branded as M&Ms.A frequent argument/debate when World Citizens “meet” on the web is what was (is) the name of the sweet (candy)

that melts, not in the hands, but…“melts in the mouth”When touched by warm handsIt simply won’t meltIt was, of course,

M&MsYoung Princess Celt,

feltwhich is a true story, by the way.Would I lie?

Jon Bratton 2008

(My short funny rhyming poems are based on jokes by unknown persons)

Short funny rhyming poemsYet another funny rhyming poemshort comedy rhymevery short funny poems

More Short Funny Rhyming Poems

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Short Funny Rhyming Poems

Cop with Speed Gun

Pic from http://connexionpastor.typepad.com/connexion_god_community_a/2007/08/index.html

Welcome to my blog which today brings you another in the series Short Funny Rhyming Poems

Driving over the Golden Gate BridgeWas fisherman Bob

Fishing was his hobbyDoctoring was his job

He’d had a good day’s fishingA good haul he’d managed to landAfter filleting all the fish, he was speeding...On the bridge was a cop, speed gun in hand,

“67 mph in a 50 zone” said the copThen he took a closer look at Bob,

Seeing his stained fishing attire, the cop said,

"You don't look like you’ve got a job!

I've never seen anyone so scruffy”Bob answered, "I’ve a good, well-paying job!"

"A bum like you? What do you do”

"I stretch rectums!" said Bob.

"What you say, Boy?" asked the patrolman.

"What the hell does a rectum stretcher do?"

Bob explained, " I start with a couple of fingers,

Then a couple more, then a whole hand, and then two.

I keep on stretching

Until it's a full six feet wide.""What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?""Give him a speed gun !" Bob replied

Jon Bratton 2008

(My short funny rhyming poems are based on jokes by unknown persons)

More Short Funny Rhyming Poems

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It's a bit of a slog, writing a blog without feedback.

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Short Funny Rhyming Poems

Welcome to my blog which today brings you another in the series Short Funny Rhyming Poems

Dopes on a Rope

Eleven women were hanging on a rope of vine

But it was only strong enough for ten

It wasn’t a case of if the vine breaksIt was just a matter of when

One of the women was a brunette

All the others had blonde hair

The brunette volunteered to vacate the vine

All the blondes said a prayer

The brunette made a touching speech

Then fell to the ground

The blondes were stunned into silence

No one made a sound

Then, acting as one

After a contemplative pause

The blondes broke out

Into tumultuous applause

You might think, stupidlyThey let go of the vineBut because the drop was less than a footAll of them were fine

Jon Bratton 2008

(My short funny rhyming poems are based on jokes by unknown persons)

More Short Funny Rhyming Poems

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It's a bit of a slog, writing a blog without feedback.

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Short Funny Rhyming Poems

Pic from www.ferniecastle.demon.co.uk/rollsroyce.jpg

Welcome to my blog which today brings you another in the series Short Funny Rhyming Poems

Oi Vey

Man 1 brags, "My son is so successful as a lawyerHe's bought a mansion of his partner’s choice"The second man says, "My son’s a successful doctorAnd bought his friend a jet and a gold Rolls Royce"

The third man says, "Oi vey, my son’s gayHe’s not successful career-wise, and yetHe lives with his friend in a mansionAnd owns a gold Rolls Royce and jet”

Jon Bratton 2008

(My short funny rhyming poems are based on jokes by unknown persons)

More Short Funny Rhyming Poems

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It's a bit of a slog, writing a blog without feedback.

I'd be made up if, before you made off, you made a comment________________________________________________

Short Funny Rhyming Poems

Short Funny Rhyming Poems

Welcome to my blog which today has more Short Funny Rhyming Poems

This is a well sought after category and yesterday Gyles Brandreth was in Dictionary Corner on Carol Vorderman's last Countdown programme. He reminded us all of a poem he recited some 25 years earlier on a Countdown final.

Pic from earlcapps.blogspot.com

It is an Ode to a Goldfish and goes like this

O

Wet

Pet

Now as short funny rhyming poems go, that's hard to beat. Gyles B. is an incredibly talented wordsmith and I'm pretty sure I couldn't beat him but it didn't stop me trying. I quickly realised that, like his, the title is the longest part of the poem. This poem is shorter than his and answers the question What was Charles Dickens Pen Name?

Boz

Was

My second effort is entitled The Bee

Does he buzz?

Yes, he does

Here's one I came across which could be a forthright travel writer's appraisal

Sunni, yet Shiite

(and it doesn't rhyme)

Here's a single word poem and you might be entitled to say that it must also therefore be non rhyming. Not so, it rhymes with the title

A Nice Sir Prize

Arise!

To nearly conclude this section, here's one I read by someone I know not and it's about how long fleas have been associated with mankind

Adam

Had 'em

Muhammed Ali was happy in his own skin when he wrote

Me

Wheee!

Ali

He was still known as Cassius Clay when he wrote it. I added the 'Ali'

I would welcome any other efforts and they could be a bit longer.

And on that point, before leaving the subject of short funny rhyming poems, Ogden Nash deserves a mention

Here's some of his slightly longer short funny rhyming poems

Candy is dandy

But liquor is quicker

Celery, raw

Develops the jaw,

But celery, stewed,

Is more quietly chewed.

Ode to Baby

A bit of talcumIs always walcum.

Should you want to see more of Ogdens work here's a link

Short Funny Rhyming Poems by Ogden Nash

It's a bit of a slog, writing a blog without feedback. I'd be made up if, before you made off, you made a comment

Wardrobe Malfunction

After yesterday's piece it is with reluctance that I deal with the subject of wardrobe malfunction lest you think I'm obsessed with seeing things one shouldn't when clothes mishave. It's entirely coincidental and you'll believe me when you see today's piece of doggerel in which a wardrobe plays a small part. If you (like me only moments ago) think a wardrobe malfunction is the door hanging off or Basil Fawlty using it to hide from the psyciatrists have a quick look at this

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=0apAF7GXPz4#

I don't recall Judy Finnigan's bra flash being described as a wardrobe malfunction and having just googled I now know why. The phrase 'wardrobe malfunction' was coined after Janet Jackson's bosom was accidentally bared during her 2004 Super Bowl half-time performance alongside Justin Timberlake whereas Judy's mild embarrassment was at the 2000 National Television Awards. Anyway wardrobe malfunction has now made it into some Dictionaries, viz

a euphemistic term for an embarrassing display of a body part when clothing droops, falls, or is tornEtymology: 2004 Webster's New Millennium™ Dictionary of English.

Here's today's poem

Mother returned from 2 days away

Her little boy greeted her by saying,

"Mummy, guess what? Yesterday,I was in your wardrobe, playingDaddy came in with the lady next door

And their clothes started to drop

And they lay undressed on the bed

And then daddy climbed on top ..."Mother held up her hand.

"Not another word. That story's bad

Exactly what you've just told me.

I want you to tell to Dad"As Dad walked into the house,

His wife said, "I'm off. I'm packed already, see? "

"But why--" asked the startled father.

" Sonny. Tell him what you told me.""Well," Sonny said, "I was playing in your wardrobe

And daddy came in with the lady next door

And they got undressed

And all their clothes were on the floorAnd they got up on the bed

And then they did that thing

That you did with Uncle John

When daddy was away, last Spring."

© Jon Bratton 2007

(based on a joke by Author Unknown)

Since 2004 a whole new genre of videos has been spawned. Google the phrase 'wardrobe malfunctions' and you'll see thousands or for still photos, with the offending nipple blacked out per the picture above, go here

http://www.celebguru.org/entry/top-20-craziest-wardrobe-malfunctions-of-all-time/

Me? I'm off to IKEA. I need to have a word with someone in the complaints department

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It's a bit of a slog, writing a blog without feedback. I'd be made up if, before you made off, you made a comment________________________________________________

Funny Short Skits

Short skits, particularly funny short skits is a surprise frequent search but it is, unsurprisingly, beaten by short skirts given that no matter what innocent word you're searching for there are always phrases containing that word in the range from naughty to sickeningly depraved, but let's stay at the naughty end, if you'll forgive the expression.

The Americans have a word, which I've forgotten, for videos showing a glimse of underwear, or not!! when TV presenters et al are wearing short shirts. Fox News must specialise in having short skirted presenters, presumably female, because I recall seeing several Fox News clips while doing my "research". I don't know now what led me there but it was neither skits nor skirts

Anyway, I have a rhyme which I thought would help those school children and scouts, for it is they who seem to have a need for short skits scripts....easy for me to say.

So here goes

The Princess and the Frog.

This is also the name of a Disney movie starringAnika Noni Rose Oprah Winfrey Keith David Jenifer Lewis John Goodman Bruno Campos

Once upon a time, in a land far away,

While resting from her morning jog

A beautiful, self-assured princess

Happened upon a frog

She was contemplating ecological issues

On the shores of an unpolluted pond

In a verdant meadow near her castle.

Of which she was very fond

The frog hopped into her lap

"Elegant Lady, I'm a handsome prince,

An evil witch cast a spell on me.

I've been amphibious ever since..

One kiss from you, however,

And I'll be like the new James Bond, but blonder

And then, my sweet, we can marry

And live in your castle yonder..

...With my mother,

Where you can prepare our meals and such

Clean our clothes, bear my children,

And be grateful ever so much".

That night the princess dined on lightly sautéed frogs legs

On the table, were the remains of her Beau

And chuckling to herself she said:

"I don't flippng think so".

© Jon Bratton 2007

(but based on a joke, by Author Unknown)

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=kx-4Llb56Y4

Go to that link if you want to see a very funny upskirt (that was the word I forgot earlier) video involving a short skirt...and a ladder

It's a bit of a slog, writing a blog without feedback. I'd be made up if, before you made off, you made a comment

Free Poems about Grandma

Free Poems about Grandma

Free poems about grandma is the most popular search term in relation to grandmas and poems and yet none of the websites on the first results page of the main search engines use that in the URL. For those unfamiliar, I mean the bit after the dot com forward slash which carries the title of the page. Here's the title of this page.

http://poetry-verses.blogspot.com/2008/12/free-poems-about-grandma.html

Since this is the only website (curently) doing that, and other things, like using but not over using, the keywords it is likely that this will be on page one of the search results within a month. I'll report back on that

Getting to the top of the search engines is about relevance so I had better shut up about search engine optimisation and actually deliver what the title promises. So the first grandma poem is coming up

Free poems about grandma starts with this one

Three Wishes, Granny

An old lady is rocking on her porch

Chewing baccy and drinking beers

While reflecting on her life,

A fairy godmother appearsAnd says she can have three wishes.

Says the old lady," if I may be so bold

I'd like to be really stinking rich."

***POOF****

Her chair turns to solid gold.

She says, I'd like to be young again

And pretty ,with poise, finesse

***POOF***

In less than it takes to blink an eye

She's a beautiful princess

While considering her third wish

The old woman's cat wanders in

Ooh...can you change him into a prince?"

All handsome tall and thin

***POOF***

There before her stands an Adonis

Where once was her kitten

More handsome than she could have imagined.

She stares, all coy and... smittenWith a smile that makes her knees weak.

And with breath, decidedly baited

He whispers "Now I bet you're regretting

You had me neutered... snipped...castrated!!

© Jon Bratton 2007

(based on a joke by Author Unknown)

This grandma poem I didn't write. As far as I know it's Author Unknown

In the dim and distant pastWhen life's tempo wasn't fast

Grandma used to rock and knitCrochet tat and baby-sit

When the kids were in a jamThey could always count on Gram

In the age of gracious livingGrandma was the gal for giving

Grandma now is in the gymExercising to keep slim.

She's out touring with the bunchTaking clients out to lunch.

Driving north to ski or curlAll her days are in a whirl.

Nothing seems to stop or block herNow that Grandma's off her rocker

The image of the rocker at the top of this blog is from a website that has more free poems about grandma

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It's a bit of a slog, writing a blog without feedback. I'd be made up if, before you made off, you made a comment________________________________________________