Wardrobe Malfunction

After yesterday's piece it is with reluctance that I deal with the subject of wardrobe malfunction lest you think I'm obsessed with seeing things one shouldn't when clothes mishave. It's entirely coincidental and you'll believe me when you see today's piece of doggerel in which a wardrobe plays a small part. If you (like me only moments ago) think a wardrobe malfunction is the door hanging off or Basil Fawlty using it to hide from the psyciatrists have a quick look at this

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=0apAF7GXPz4#

I don't recall Judy Finnigan's bra flash being described as a wardrobe malfunction and having just googled I now know why. The phrase 'wardrobe malfunction' was coined after Janet Jackson's bosom was accidentally bared during her 2004 Super Bowl half-time performance alongside Justin Timberlake whereas Judy's mild embarrassment was at the 2000 National Television Awards. Anyway wardrobe malfunction has now made it into some Dictionaries, viz

a euphemistic term for an embarrassing display of a body part when clothing droops, falls, or is tornEtymology: 2004 Webster's New Millennium™ Dictionary of English.

Here's today's poem

Mother returned from 2 days away

Her little boy greeted her by saying,

"Mummy, guess what? Yesterday,I was in your wardrobe, playingDaddy came in with the lady next door

And their clothes started to drop

And they lay undressed on the bed

And then daddy climbed on top ..."Mother held up her hand.

"Not another word. That story's bad

Exactly what you've just told me.

I want you to tell to Dad"As Dad walked into the house,

His wife said, "I'm off. I'm packed already, see? "

"But why--" asked the startled father.

" Sonny. Tell him what you told me.""Well," Sonny said, "I was playing in your wardrobe

And daddy came in with the lady next door

And they got undressed

And all their clothes were on the floorAnd they got up on the bed

And then they did that thing

That you did with Uncle John

When daddy was away, last Spring."

© Jon Bratton 2007

(based on a joke by Author Unknown)

Since 2004 a whole new genre of videos has been spawned. Google the phrase 'wardrobe malfunctions' and you'll see thousands or for still photos, with the offending nipple blacked out per the picture above, go here

http://www.celebguru.org/entry/top-20-craziest-wardrobe-malfunctions-of-all-time/

Me? I'm off to IKEA. I need to have a word with someone in the complaints department

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Funny Short Skits

Short skits, particularly funny short skits is a surprise frequent search but it is, unsurprisingly, beaten by short skirts given that no matter what innocent word you're searching for there are always phrases containing that word in the range from naughty to sickeningly depraved, but let's stay at the naughty end, if you'll forgive the expression.

The Americans have a word, which I've forgotten, for videos showing a glimse of underwear, or not!! when TV presenters et al are wearing short shirts. Fox News must specialise in having short skirted presenters, presumably female, because I recall seeing several Fox News clips while doing my "research". I don't know now what led me there but it was neither skits nor skirts

Anyway, I have a rhyme which I thought would help those school children and scouts, for it is they who seem to have a need for short skits scripts....easy for me to say.

So here goes

The Princess and the Frog.

This is also the name of a Disney movie starringAnika Noni Rose Oprah Winfrey Keith David Jenifer Lewis John Goodman Bruno Campos

Once upon a time, in a land far away,

While resting from her morning jog

A beautiful, self-assured princess

Happened upon a frog

She was contemplating ecological issues

On the shores of an unpolluted pond

In a verdant meadow near her castle.

Of which she was very fond

The frog hopped into her lap

"Elegant Lady, I'm a handsome prince,

An evil witch cast a spell on me.

I've been amphibious ever since..

One kiss from you, however,

And I'll be like the new James Bond, but blonder

And then, my sweet, we can marry

And live in your castle yonder..

...With my mother,

Where you can prepare our meals and such

Clean our clothes, bear my children,

And be grateful ever so much".

That night the princess dined on lightly sautéed frogs legs

On the table, were the remains of her Beau

And chuckling to herself she said:

"I don't flippng think so".

© Jon Bratton 2007

(but based on a joke, by Author Unknown)

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=kx-4Llb56Y4

Go to that link if you want to see a very funny upskirt (that was the word I forgot earlier) video involving a short skirt...and a ladder

It's a bit of a slog, writing a blog without feedback. I'd be made up if, before you made off, you made a comment

Free Poems about Grandma

Free Poems about Grandma

Free poems about grandma is the most popular search term in relation to grandmas and poems and yet none of the websites on the first results page of the main search engines use that in the URL. For those unfamiliar, I mean the bit after the dot com forward slash which carries the title of the page. Here's the title of this page.

http://poetry-verses.blogspot.com/2008/12/free-poems-about-grandma.html

Since this is the only website (curently) doing that, and other things, like using but not over using, the keywords it is likely that this will be on page one of the search results within a month. I'll report back on that

Getting to the top of the search engines is about relevance so I had better shut up about search engine optimisation and actually deliver what the title promises. So the first grandma poem is coming up

Free poems about grandma starts with this one

Three Wishes, Granny

An old lady is rocking on her porch

Chewing baccy and drinking beers

While reflecting on her life,

A fairy godmother appearsAnd says she can have three wishes.

Says the old lady," if I may be so bold

I'd like to be really stinking rich."

***POOF****

Her chair turns to solid gold.

She says, I'd like to be young again

And pretty ,with poise, finesse

***POOF***

In less than it takes to blink an eye

She's a beautiful princess

While considering her third wish

The old woman's cat wanders in

Ooh...can you change him into a prince?"

All handsome tall and thin

***POOF***

There before her stands an Adonis

Where once was her kitten

More handsome than she could have imagined.

She stares, all coy and... smittenWith a smile that makes her knees weak.

And with breath, decidedly baited

He whispers "Now I bet you're regretting

You had me neutered... snipped...castrated!!

© Jon Bratton 2007

(based on a joke by Author Unknown)

This grandma poem I didn't write. As far as I know it's Author Unknown

In the dim and distant pastWhen life's tempo wasn't fast

Grandma used to rock and knitCrochet tat and baby-sit

When the kids were in a jamThey could always count on Gram

In the age of gracious livingGrandma was the gal for giving

Grandma now is in the gymExercising to keep slim.

She's out touring with the bunchTaking clients out to lunch.

Driving north to ski or curlAll her days are in a whirl.

Nothing seems to stop or block herNow that Grandma's off her rocker

The image of the rocker at the top of this blog is from a website that has more free poems about grandma

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It's a bit of a slog, writing a blog without feedback. I'd be made up if, before you made off, you made a comment________________________________________________