Redneck Jokes 101308

1. You might just be a redneck if your porch collapses and kills more than 5dogs.2. Why is Alabama the smartest state in the U.S.?It has four "A"'s and a "B".3. You know you are a redneck when the only pool u have is a sees pool.

Redneck Jokes 082108

1. You might be a redneck if...Your dog's shots are up to date but your children's aren't.You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples.Your whole family sleeps in the same bed.2. You might be a redneck if...More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.You think the stock market has a fence around it.You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.Your home has more miles on it than your car.3. You might be a redneck if...Your Christmas tree is still up in February.You've ever been arrested for loitering.You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.You own a homemade fur coat.Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

Redneck Jokes 081408

1. A redneck walks into a lawyers office and tells him he wants one of them dayvorces.Lawyer: Well, sir, do you have grounds?Redneck: Yep. I have me about 150 acres.Lawyer: No, I mean do you have a case?Redneck: Nope, but I have me a real nice John Deere."Lawyer: Well, does she beat you up?Redneck: Nah, we both get up at 5:30.Lawyer: Well, is she a nagger?Redneck: Nope, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want a dayvorce!"2. A redneck cowboy rides into a town on a hot blistering day riding his horse with his dog following. He ties his horse and the dog under the shade of a tree. The Redneck cowboy goes into the bar for a cold beer.About 20 minutes later a policeman comes in and asks who owns the dog tied under the tree. The Redneck cowboy tells him that its his.Policeman: Your dog is in heat.Redneck cowboy: No way the dogs in heat; he's cool, cause he's tied under the shade of the tree.Policeman: No, you don't understand, your dog needs to be bred.Redneck cowboy (shakes his head): No way the dog needs bread, he's not hungry, I gave him beef jerky this morning.Policeman (finally gets mad): Look, your dog wants to have sex.Redneck cowboy (looks at the Policeman): Go ahead, I always wanted a police-dog.