Funny text messages

6 things can come at any time:In our life time6 things can come at any time:1.love2.friendship3.money4.death5.illness---6.susu: isliye karke sona .Oh shitt.. jal gaya:pWhat was GOD’s First Reactionwhen he made a Negro(African)?Socho…Dont know..Oh! shit jal gaya!!We will buy new wedding wringGirlfriend:It’s 2 tightBoyfriend:Don’t worry,I’ll put it slowly,Girlfriend:Push it in,Boyfriend:Ah..I can’t,Girlfriend:It’s painful,Boyfriend:Forget it.....We’ll buy new WEDDING RING!An Aeroplane asks a RocketAn Aeroplane asks a RocketHow is that you can fly so fast?The Rocket replies you will know the painwhen they put fire at your back!

Obama Funny Jokes 112908

1. Question: What's the problem with Barack Obama jokes?Answer: His followers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.2. Question: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?Answer: Deductible.3. Question: What's the difference between Pinocchio and Barack Obama?Answer: Obama's nose doesn't grow when he lies.

Obama Funny Jokes 112708

1. Question: Why is Barack Obama jealous of Hillary Clinton?Answer: She the one with the cojones.2. Question: Why won’t Barack Obama’s presidential jet be flight worthy?Answer: It will only have a left wing.3. Question: What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?Answer: Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears; Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.

Obama Funny Jokes 111408

1. Question: Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny?Answer: If he were any heavier he wouldn’t be able to walk on water.2. Question: Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?Answer: Because Carter doesn’t want to be the worst President in history.3. "Barack Obama's two daughters are very excited, because I guess Barack Obama promised the kids that after the election he's going to get them a dog. That's the thing, they're all excited, he's going to get them a dog after the election. And the good news -- Jesse Jackson has offered to neuter it, so I think that's terrific." - Jay Leno

Obama Funny Jokes 111308

1. Question: Why wouldn’t Barack salute the American flag?Answer: It was ours.2. Question: Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?Answer: Because he’s running out of George Bush jokes.3. Question: Why will Britney Spears vote for Barack Obama?Answer: Because she’s running out of other crazy things to do.

Obama Funny Jokes 111208

1. Question: What do Obama and Osama have in common?Answer: They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.2. Question: Why won’t Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?Answer: It shows that he didn’t have a virgin birth.3. Question: Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?Answer: He thought Barry sounded too American.

Obama Funny Jokes 111108

1. "Barack Obama, apparently, is so popular in the African town where his father was born that they've named a beer after him there. Isn't that cool? Yeah. The Obama beer is called a 'Black and Tan and Asian and Caucasian.' A complicated drink." --Conan O'Brien2. "What a historic night. The first time an actual black person is leading the charge for a major American political party. I think that says something pretty great about America: we will accept a black man to lead us if the only other choice is a woman." –Bill Maher3. "Italy is designing clothing based on how Barack Obama dresses. And I said, well, yes, that will connect him with the angry working-class voters." –David Letterman

Funny Text Messages 101508

1. What is deference between man and Superman?Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.2. John: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?Teacher: no, of course not.John: good, because i didn't do my homework.3. I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.

Funny Text Messages 100608

1. Patient: Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.Doctor: When did you first notice this problem?Patient: What problem?2. Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?Teacher: no, of course not.Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.3. How many politicians does it take to change a light-bulb?Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

Funny Text Messages 100208

1. My wife, a flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane. Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversize luggage."When I fly other airlines," he said irritably, "I don't have this problem."My wife smiled, "When you fly other airlines, I don't have this problem either."2. A blond guy with two badly burned ears went to the emergency room for medical treatment."What happened" asked the doctor."Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the ballgame on TV," began the man."She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answered the iron."The doctor nodded, "But what happened to the other ear?""Well, no sooner had I hung up," said the man, "when the same guy called again."3. Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and saidsolemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?”“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.”“I don't mean that,” the priest responded. “I mean, are you preparedspiritually?”“Oh, sure,” came the reply. “I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”

Funny Text Messages 090608

1. Question: What did the penis say to the condom?Answer: Cover me im going in!2. Question: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?Answer: Because their plugged into a genius!3. Question: What do you call a gay dinosaur?Answer: Mega-saur-ass

Blonde Jokes 090408

1. A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.The steward who checks tickets says, "I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class.""I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde." Well I'll get the pilot.The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says," What did you say?"The pilot simply says," I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!"2. An office executive was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality.Office executive: If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?Blonde: I'd have to say the living one.3. A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.So he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing."I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working.""Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"

Couple Jokes 090208

1. One day, Jude and Rose were having a petty argument.After shouting back and forth, Rose finally says, "Let's make a deal. To end this argument, you admit that I am right and I will admit that I am wrong."Jude thought for a moment, agreed, and asked her to go first.Rose replied, "I'm sorry Jude, I am wrong."In response, Jude shouts happily, "You're right!"2. A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting Married?"Old buddy: Yep!Senior: Do I know her?"Old buddy: Nope!Senior: This woman, is she good looking?Old buddy: Not really.Senior: Is she a good cook?Old buddy: Naw, she can't cook too well.Senior: Does she have lots of money?Old buddy: Nope! Poor as a church mouse.Senior: Well then, is she good in bed?Old buddy: I don't know.Senior: Why in the world do you want to marry her then?Old buddy: Because she can still drive at night!3. Fred and Tina were thrilled when their long wait to adopt a baby finally came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had an adorable German baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped at the local college so they could enroll in night classes. After they completed filling out the form, the registrar inquired, "What possessed you to study German?""We've just adopted a wonderful German baby boy and in a year or so, he'll begin to talk. We want to make sure we're able to understand him!" the couple proudly explained.

Bar Jokes 082908

1. After she woke up, a woman told her husband, I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day.What do you think it means?You'll know tonight." he said.That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife.Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled, The meaning of dreams2. There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives,while the third remains quiet.After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says,Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then? they asked. She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'.

Blonde Jokes 082308

1. A brunette and a blonde were speeding down the street when they passed a cop. "Oh no!" cried the brunette. "Is he following me?" "Yep," replied the blonde."I'm going to drive down this little side road, okay?" said the brunette. "Yep," replied the blonde."Is the cop still following me?" "Yep.""Are his lights on?" "Yep, nope, yep, nope, yep, nope..."2. A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."3. A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river. The brunette wants to get across.She yells across to the blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"The blonde shakes her head and yells back - "People like you really piss me off. You ARE on the other side!"

Redneck Jokes 082108

1. You might be a redneck if...Your dog's shots are up to date but your children's aren't.You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples.Your whole family sleeps in the same bed.2. You might be a redneck if...More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.You think the stock market has a fence around it.You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.Your home has more miles on it than your car.3. You might be a redneck if...Your Christmas tree is still up in February.You've ever been arrested for loitering.You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.You own a homemade fur coat.Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

Blonde Jokes 081908

1. A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender,Blind guy: Wanna hear a blonde joke?"In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says,Guy: Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"Blind guy: Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."2. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.The driver blonde turned to her friend and saidDriver: You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!Friend: I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her.

Funny Jokes 081608

1. I went into the gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas.....The clerk farted and gave me a receipt2. Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that, he's worried about getting real seasick.The doctor tells him, "Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock."Steve says, "Will that keep me from getting sick?"The doctor says,"No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."3. Q: What's the best thing about turning 65?A: No more calls from insurance salesmen.

Funny Jokes 080908

1. R des ur eys, i fund dem betwen my brest. - Are these your eyes, I found them between my breasts!2. B frndly w/ ur kds, dey chus ur home wen u r old. - Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!3. Xssesive u's of alcohol cn led 2 a pregnancy. - Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy.

Blonde Jokes 080208

1. Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches a blonde sitting by herself.Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"Lady: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"Lady: "No, they spread!"2. A blonde goes to get her hair cut.The hair stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?"The blonde says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer on the back?"