Blonde Jokes 101708

1. A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool.The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out.The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde".The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms."2. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?A: Run like hell, she has a grenade in her mouth!3. What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant.Is it mine?

Dumb Blonde Jokes 100808

1. A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were beautiful, but they weren't necessarily too smart. On one show, one such woman was extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her performance.The host asked, "Who was the first man, for one thousand dollars?"She responded, "The first man was Peter, my postman, but he only paid me one hundred dollars!"2. A blonde and her brunette friend were talking, when the blonde said, "I hate all the blonde jokes people tell.""Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."They went outside and hailed a taxi driver."Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said the brunette.The taxi drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, the brunette looked at the blonde and said, "See! That guy was really stupid.""No kidding," replied the blonde. "There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."3. Several weeks ago, we hired a new blonde secretary who wasn't thebrightest crayon in the box. One day when she was typing, she turnedto another secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. Whatdo I do?""Just use the copier machine paper," the other responded. With that,the blonde took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on thephotocopier, and proceeded to make five blank copies.

Funny Text Messages 100208

1. My wife, a flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane. Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversize luggage."When I fly other airlines," he said irritably, "I don't have this problem."My wife smiled, "When you fly other airlines, I don't have this problem either."2. A blond guy with two badly burned ears went to the emergency room for medical treatment."What happened" asked the doctor."Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the ballgame on TV," began the man."She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answered the iron."The doctor nodded, "But what happened to the other ear?""Well, no sooner had I hung up," said the man, "when the same guy called again."3. Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and saidsolemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?”“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests.”“I don't mean that,” the priest responded. “I mean, are you preparedspiritually?”“Oh, sure,” came the reply. “I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”

Dumb Blonde Jokes 092408

1. Three Mothers, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were all talking about their daughters.Brunette: I was looking through my daughters things and I found cigarettes, I can't believe my daughter smokes.Redhead: Ladies, I was looking through my daughters things and I found a bottle of liquor, I can't believe my daughter drinks.Blonde: I was looking through my daughters things and I found a pack of condoms, I can't believe my daughter has a penis!2. Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.She sighs and says, 'Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again.'The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, 'You don't like getting flowers?'The redhead says, 'I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air.'The blonde says, 'Don't you have a vase?3. Down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22 feet Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't plane at high speed at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch.So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

Dumb Blonde Jokes 09

1. On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?""That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"2. Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.3. Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.The blonde with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

Blonde Jokes 090408

1. A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.The steward who checks tickets says, "I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class.""I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde." Well I'll get the pilot.The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says," What did you say?"The pilot simply says," I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!"2. An office executive was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality.Office executive: If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?Blonde: I'd have to say the living one.3. A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.So he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing."I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working.""Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"

Blonde Jokes 082308

1. A brunette and a blonde were speeding down the street when they passed a cop. "Oh no!" cried the brunette. "Is he following me?" "Yep," replied the blonde."I'm going to drive down this little side road, okay?" said the brunette. "Yep," replied the blonde."Is the cop still following me?" "Yep.""Are his lights on?" "Yep, nope, yep, nope, yep, nope..."2. A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."3. A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river. The brunette wants to get across.She yells across to the blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"The blonde shakes her head and yells back - "People like you really piss me off. You ARE on the other side!"

Blonde Jokes 081908

1. A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender,Blind guy: Wanna hear a blonde joke?"In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says,Guy: Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"Blind guy: Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."2. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.The driver blonde turned to her friend and saidDriver: You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!Friend: I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her.

Blonde Jokes 080208

1. Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches a blonde sitting by herself.Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"Lady: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"Lady: "No, they spread!"2. A blonde goes to get her hair cut.The hair stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?"The blonde says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer on the back?"

New dumb blonde jokes 072908

There're 3 blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. In an instant, she's turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island.The second woman asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. So, in an instant she's turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.The last blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.