Blonde Jokes 082308

1. A brunette and a blonde were speeding down the street when they passed a cop. "Oh no!" cried the brunette. "Is he following me?" "Yep," replied the blonde."I'm going to drive down this little side road, okay?" said the brunette. "Yep," replied the blonde."Is the cop still following me?" "Yep.""Are his lights on?" "Yep, nope, yep, nope, yep, nope..."2. A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."3. A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river. The brunette wants to get across.She yells across to the blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"The blonde shakes her head and yells back - "People like you really piss me off. You ARE on the other side!"

Blonde Jokes 081908

1. A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender,Blind guy: Wanna hear a blonde joke?"In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says,Guy: Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"Blind guy: Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."2. Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.The driver blonde turned to her friend and saidDriver: You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!Friend: I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her.

Funny Jokes 081608

1. I went into the gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas.....The clerk farted and gave me a receipt2. Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that, he's worried about getting real seasick.The doctor tells him, "Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock."Steve says, "Will that keep me from getting sick?"The doctor says,"No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."3. Q: What's the best thing about turning 65?A: No more calls from insurance salesmen.

Redneck Jokes 081408

1. A redneck walks into a lawyers office and tells him he wants one of them dayvorces.Lawyer: Well, sir, do you have grounds?Redneck: Yep. I have me about 150 acres.Lawyer: No, I mean do you have a case?Redneck: Nope, but I have me a real nice John Deere."Lawyer: Well, does she beat you up?Redneck: Nah, we both get up at 5:30.Lawyer: Well, is she a nagger?Redneck: Nope, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want a dayvorce!"2. A redneck cowboy rides into a town on a hot blistering day riding his horse with his dog following. He ties his horse and the dog under the shade of a tree. The Redneck cowboy goes into the bar for a cold beer.About 20 minutes later a policeman comes in and asks who owns the dog tied under the tree. The Redneck cowboy tells him that its his.Policeman: Your dog is in heat.Redneck cowboy: No way the dogs in heat; he's cool, cause he's tied under the shade of the tree.Policeman: No, you don't understand, your dog needs to be bred.Redneck cowboy (shakes his head): No way the dog needs bread, he's not hungry, I gave him beef jerky this morning.Policeman (finally gets mad): Look, your dog wants to have sex.Redneck cowboy (looks at the Policeman): Go ahead, I always wanted a police-dog.

Naughty Joke 081208

Kissing is a pleasureF**king is a gameGuys get all the pleasureGirls get all the painHe says he loves you, and you believe it is trueUntil your belly starts to swell and he says hell with you.10 minutes of pleasure, 9 months of pain3 days in hospital, a child without a nameThe baby is a b*stardThe mother is a wh*reThis never would have happened if the rubber had not tore.

Funny Jokes 080908

1. R des ur eys, i fund dem betwen my brest. - Are these your eyes, I found them between my breasts!2. B frndly w/ ur kds, dey chus ur home wen u r old. - Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!3. Xssesive u's of alcohol cn led 2 a pregnancy. - Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy.

Blonde Jokes 080208

1. Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches a blonde sitting by herself.Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"Lady: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"Lady: "No, they spread!"2. A blonde goes to get her hair cut.The hair stylist cuts for about 30 minutes, hands the blonde a mirror and asks, "How do you like it?"The blonde says, "It's okay, but could you make it just a little longer on the back?"

New dumb blonde jokes 072908

There're 3 blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. In an instant, she's turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island.The second woman asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. So, in an instant she's turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.The last blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

Jokes of the Day 072208

In a hospital room, there was a man resting on the bed with an oxygen mask on.When the nurse came in the room to open the blinds, the man asked her, "Are my testicles black?"To which she replied, "I do not know... I am only here to open the blinds." The man asked her again, "Are my testicles black?" And he kept asking until he got on her nerves so much, that she finally unzipped his hospital gown, looked down there, checked under them, and said,"They are fine." With a confused look on his face, he took of his mask, and shouted, "I SAID, ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"Authors: Olive & Maria Do you know why nurses make the worst lovers?Because they’re taught to wait until the swelling goes down.Authors: John FranklinTwo student nurses were arguing about who would be forced to give an old wrinkly man a sponge bath,. "you do it..."The one student said. "No..u do it"...The patient watched them through the glass window and thought: "I hope those two guys are not fighting over my wrinkled balls".Authors: Sefra

Joke of the Day 071808

Two men are sharing a hospital room.

"What are you in for?" The first man says.

"I'm getting a circumcision," his roommate replies.

"Demn!" exclaims the first man, "I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for a year!"

Joke of the day 071508

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."Author: Unknown

Short joke of the Day

b1: There were 7 dwarfs in a shower all feeling happy, but then happy got out so they started feeling grumpy instead!b2: A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband,"I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment".The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".He never heard the shot..

Joke Of The Day 07/07/08

a444: There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: 'abstemious' and 'facetious.'a445: Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.a446: Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Joke Of The Day 07/05/08

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny."None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.""The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

Joke Of The Day 07/03/08

Air Force One comes in for a landing at the airport. A ramp is wheeled up and President Clinton appears carrying a pig under each arm.As he comes down the ramp, the Marine at the bottom snaps to a salute.Clinton says, "You'll have to excuse me. I can't return your salute. My hands are full.""Yes Sir. I see the pigs Sir!" responds the Marine."Now hold on," says Clinton. "These aren't just pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks.""Yes Sir! Razorbacks Sir!" says the Marine."I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary," Clinton explains.The Marine answers, "Yes Sir! An excellent trade if I may say so myself Sir!"

Joke Of The Day

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3.The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.Mom saw the opportunity for a moral lesson and said; "If Jesus was sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait. "Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you can have the first chance at being Jesus!"

Joke Of The Day 06/30/08

A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.A back scratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense.A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.A bird in the hand is dead.A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.A boss with no humor is like a job that is no fun.A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Joke Of The Day 06/25/08

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror;

Woman: "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment".
Husband: "Your eyesight's damn near perfect".

He never heard the shot.

Joke Of The Day 06/20/08

Wife: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hall light on.

Sexy Text Messages a369-a371

a369: Why do not you add me, minus your friends, divide your legs and multiply.
- Cameron Parker.

a370: What is worse than a cardboard box? Paper tits.
- ted.

a371: What does a 9 volt battery and a woman’s *sshole have in common?
You know it is wrong, but eventually you put your tongue on it.
- Ice Dragon.