http://loloud.wordpress.com/2008/11/19/life-after-marriage/Over the years I've written many wedding ceremony humorous readings in rhyming form which tend to 'roast' the couple, collectively and individually and finish off with nice stuff. It is difficult to write something that applies to all couples but parts can apply to most people
For example
Will you (Samantha) buy an expensive dressThat costs more than a week's wagesHide it, and when (Alan) asks if it's newSay 'this? no I've had it for ages'
Will you (Alan) leave up the toilet seatAccording to Man's sacred lawAnd do you promise always to leave the wet towelIn a heap on the bathroom floor
A common theme in Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings is how long it took the Groom to propose
Congratulations (Samantha and Alan )On this your wedding dayWould it happen this Millennium?We've heard some cynics sayHe acted like greased lightningDynamic, you know the kind(9) years is all that it tookFor (Alan) to make up his mind
Let's face it, (Sam) wasn't chooseyShe admits it to herselfNo spring chicken she feared that she'dBe left up on the shelf
Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings continue with a bit about each...this is very specific to the people involved but here's stuff that could apply to most
Despite major differencesThe pair found common groundFor example, his (big bum) matches her (big nose)Or is it the other way round?
They share a love of (foreign hols)They're (XYZ) and (AB) fansLove flourished and so the two of themHatched their wedding plans
While (Samantha) thinks of kissingWhen (Alan's) lips are pursedHis mind is on a can of (Bud )To quench his prodigious thirst
(Samantha's) dad dropped lots of hintsYour own love nest would be niceAnd eventually they moved to (Brentwood Street)(96), to be precise
And there they started begattingAnd all that luvvy dovey stuffThey must have been good coz in no time at all(Samantha) was up the duff
Along came young David and JamesTo make their family completeOr is it? Who knows what'll happenThe honeymoon starts toneet!
Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings usually comment on the main participants and could continue like so
Well, that's the potted historySo all that remains to sayIs thanks a lot (Alan and Samantha)For a really smashin' day
We all agree the bride is beautifulOn the best day of her lifeShe walked down the aisle Miss SpinsterAnd back up it Mrs Wife
And if we didn't thank the bridesmaidsWe really would fail(Sophie and Hannah) you're beautifulLike Princesses from a fairy tale
We should thank best man (Gary)And (Jim), the bride giver awayAnd the mothers (Carole and Margaret)Thanks for all you've done today
And thanks too to (Alan) the groomLooking handsome as can beAnd not forgetting the fat bloke reading the poemSo that's a thanks a lot to me
The ending of Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings should acknowledge the roasting/ribbing and be the nice stuff
We've been so very insultingAnd we apologise for suchHave a very long and happy lifeWe love you very much
orWe're very proud of both of youAnd this we'd like to sayGod bless you both and best of luckOn this your special day
If ending in a toast
Finally, let's raise our glassesTo the stars of the day(Alan and Samantha) may the days and years aheadBe special in every way
Here's a link to more material
Royal Wedding Poem
