Goodbye Sad Poems, But Funny

Goodbye Sad Poems is a popular search, particularly for co-workers who are departing for pastures new, or retiring. I have written many such poems where the goodbye maybe sad but the poem is funny. These were written about very specific people but here I've taken all the generic material and welded it together to produce a poem to apply to anyone...with a sense of humour. If to a teetotaller, take out the verses about drink. It is intended to be read out loud by two people, the black type is good cop and the purple is bad cop

Today)(tonight), we have a change of style

It's a different kind of do

I've cut my eloquent, articulate, smooth and polished speech

That'll save an hour or two

We have for you a little dittyA farewell and good luck quipTo say goodbye to our dear friendAs he departs this sinking ship

Yes a Co-worker is leavingIt's now sincerity timeTo pay him a special tributeBy insulting him in rhyme

Co-workers leaving is always sadA time for sorrow and grievingBut today we can be happyCoz it's Charlie Smith that's leaving

I've heard about your dittiesI'm not sure I'm very keenI just take poetic licenseYou take liberties, you mean

If you're going to insult my friendI don't want any partOh (Mary)(Bill), don't make a fussI'll behave, cross my heart

OK, but no derogatory remarks

Did I not promise just nowNo innuendoes or calling him namesGet on, yer silly cow

Alright, it's goodbye to a hard worker

It is a terrible pity

To lose such a staunch member of...

The Skivers and Shirkers Committee

We're saying goodbye to a learned colleagueWho knows that one over the eight is nineWe're bidding adieu to a man of spiritWho's very fond of wine

We all like to socialiseWith a drop of wine or beerBut to us, it's just a pastimeTo Charlie, it's his career

Work is a mere distractionAs a respite, it's fineBetween yesterday's binge on beerAnd today's excess of wine

Charlie's a very hard workerDo you really think that's true?If you tell Mr (Brown) Charlie's leavingHe'll say "Sorry, Charlie Who?

No I'm not having itWe can't treat a friend this wayOK, Clever ClogsYou think of something nice to say

You can always rely on CharlieWhen you're in a desperate needWhen things are bad but could get worseThey will, that's guaranteed

I remember when poor Charlie (lost that big order)(fell down the stairs) (whatever)I felt sorry for him, more than a bitIt's something Charlie would like to forgetYes, that's why I mentioned it

You couldn't have been more insulting

What have you got to say?

I'm very sorry...I'm very sorry

You made me throw all the best bits away

Charlie, take no notice of himAt least I'm on your sideThis one here, couldn't have been more insultingBut believe me, Charlie, I tried

I'd like now to propose a toast

To bring this to an end

To Charlie, no longer a co-worker

But still a very dear friend

Jon Bratton 2009but based on his earlier material

If you want more Goodbye Sad Poems...but funny, click the link

Goodbye Sad poems, but funny

This 'Goodbye Sad Poems, but funny' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009. The poem may be used for non commercial purposes

St Georges Day

Today is not only St Georges Day but...Today is St George's and the Bard's Birth and Death dayHave the happiest of daysJust pondering...if he was born and died on the same dayHow come he wrote so many flippin’ playsJon Bratton © 2007This next one was written for a specific person…the name has been changedGOLFER / BIRTHDAY ON ST GEORGE'S DAY / EXOTIC HOLIDAYSJames Drummond Justice BrownYou've reached the big Five 0And still in shape, despite suppin aleAt 80 shillings a go ....You occasionally spoil a good walkKnocking a ball o'er dales and hillsAnd as a Tory with Healey eyebrowsYou really need your acting skillsFor Holidays you avoid the madding crowdFrom Costa del Sol you'd run a milePreferring instead the Orient ExpressOr an exotic Western IsleYou're a Noel Coward kind of chapThat's clear from the life you forgeAnd as a Taurus you share the destinyOf the Bard and bold St GeorgeExcept you're not so much a writerMore a talker, it must be saidand you've never slain a dragon.... you married her instead!This was written for a competition. It didn’t win because after I had written it, I realised that the competition had been held the year previousT'was just after Easter, I was wearing me bonnetI sat down to write this Shakespearean sonnetAs an Imperial I ne'er shout of centimetresIambically speaking, know nowt of pentametersThis sonnet's to celebrate St George's DayA rare opportunity for me to sayIt's ironic, nay verily, more idioticThat a Palestinian Turk makes me feel patrioticAt the next World Cup, may England prevailAt the Plymouth Arms, may this win me free aleJon Bratton © 2007This is one of a series of silly ditties I wrote for the webpage you can reach by following the link belowPoem For Susan GeorgeIt's 23rd AprilThis card is sent to sayTo the hard of hearing and dyslexicsToday's your special dayJon Bratton © 2007Click the LinkFor moreSt Georges Day Poems

Was Shakespeare Gay or Bisexual

Was Shakespeare Gay or Bisexual?

Look at the earlier portrait of Will and look at this newly discovered one.

Spot the difference?For all purposes and intentsIn the one he's a serious poet and dramatistIn the other, as camp as a row of tents

"In the early sonnets, Shakespeare writes about his great love, who happens to be a young man. While many people assume this to mean that he had a male lover and thus was either gay or bisexual there are others who still believe that his male friend was not his lover but someone who was simply very close to him emotionally "...to read more, click the link

Was Shakespeare Gay or Bisexual

Why is Shakespeare Known as The Bard

Why is Shakespeare known as The Bard is explained below in me poem but first know this.

23rd April is the birth date and death date of English poet and playwright William Shakespeare.So, the most famous (possibly) Englishman was born and died on St Georges Day, the Patron Saint of England"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them” from Twelfth Night by ShakespeareWilliam Shakespeare was born and diedOn the very same dayWell, he didn’t last very longI hear some of you sayIf he really was born and diedOn the very same dayHe couldn’t have managed a sonnetNever mind a 3 act playFortunately for us (but not for schoolchildren)There was 52 years in betweenThe first 23rd April was in 1564And the second in 1616Most of his work was producedIn a 23 year frame of timeNearly 40 plays and 150 odd sonnetsAnd poems that don’t even rhymeWhy is Shakespeare known as the Bard?That's not a title he earnsFor that title belongs to The BardScotland's Robert BurnsShakespeare is The Bard of AvonThat's the river in his town of birthBard just means poetIt's Welsh, for what it's worthJon Bratton 2009For more, click the linkWhy is Shakespeare known as the Bard or is it Rabbie BurnsThis'Why is Shakespeare known as the Bard' blog entry is copyright of Jon Bratton 2009

Queen Elizabeth II Birthday Poem

Queen Elizabeth II Birthday Poem

21st April 2009

Ma'am, or to use your Official Title,'Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland' it behoves me as the Doggeret Laureate to write a little number for your 83rd Birthday. It goes like this

On this day 83 years ago, Lilibet was born

And it just couldn’t be foreseenThat one day the baby PrincessWould become our QueenHer uncle would become the KingAnd have children of his ownAnd the eldest of those childrenWould ascend to the throneBut Uncle Bertie abdicatedAnd her Dad as King was boundWhen he died, Her Royal Highness The Princess ElizabethAs our Queen was crownedThis is a birthday tribute, Your MajestyIt gives me much pleasureTo say happy 83rd birthday Ma’am,Our Queen and National TreasureJon Bratton 2009If you want more, click the linkQueen Elizabeth II Birthday PoemThis Queen Elizabeth's Birthday Poem is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

Sorry Poems

Image from http://gleesongleanings.wordpress.com/2008/06/

I'm working on a new website http://www.poem-poetry.com/ and I needed to add a Sorry Poems page. Most people search for Sorry verses or poems when Apology verses or poems would be more appropriate

Here's some of the poems I came up with.

Lets make up and forget.What I did, I regret

***

It was so stupid what I saidI didn’t mind my Qs and PsI’ve won the Foot in Mouth awardForgive me please

***

If I was a blood splattered runaway lorryI couldn't feel more sorryIf I was a serial love cheat like Ken or Deirdre from CorryI couldn't feel more sorryIf I was a mud and slime filled, alligator infested quarryI couldn't feel more sorryThat's how sorry I am

These light hearted poems are sorry (apology) poems for friends, girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend, husband,wife, boss, teacher etc to say I'm sorry I hurt you, I am sorry to risk our friendship, I am sorry I did or didn't do something. They are poems to apologise, they are not to say sorry for your loss or sorry you are leaving

This Sorry Poems blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009. The poems may be used for private non commercial purposes but not for publishing on a website

Story of Easter for Children

I wrote Story of Easter for Children because tomorrow is Maundy Thursday when the Queen gives Maundy Money to pensioners. Last Sunday was Palm Sunday and after tomorrow it's Good Friday and then there's Easter Sunday. Kids probably don't know anything other than it's an Eating Chocolate Fest so this is my poem explaining it in rhyme, for this blog of course but primarily as a contribution to the great new website www.history-for-kids.com

Do you know the story of Easter?

Of course you get Easter eggs so yummyBut Easter is about much moreThan just good things for your tummy

It is a Christian Church FestivalHeld every SpringAbout the death of Jesus...that's badAnd his coming to life again...Good Thing !

Palm Sunday is a week before EasterIt celebrates when Jesus rode into Jerusalem townOn a donkey, which walked overAll the coats that the people threw down

Story of Easter for Children

The people who didn’t have coatsWent to the fields where they foundPalm branches which they spreadAll across the ground

These people knew that Jesus was special.It was like when a King comes to town,They didn’t have a red carpetSo they laid their coats, and branches down.

Story of Easter for Children

And to this day a donkey is specialBecause it carried Jesus with care~If you look at the back of a donkeyYou’ll see a cross is still there

Next comes the day of the Last Supper

Maundy Thursday, when Judas was Jesus’ enemyFor silver money, he betrayed his friendIn the Garden of Gethsemane

Maundy means commandment

Jesus said at the Last Supper“I am your brother

As I have loved you

You must love one another”

The Queen of Britain gives money

Every Maundy Day

To people who are old

And no longer get any pay

Story of Easter for Children

The next day is Good FridayThe day Jesus was crucifiedTwo days later, on Easter Sunday he said"I've come back...coz I've just un-died

He didn't stay long with his friendsHe didn't die, but rather

He went straight up to HeavenTo join God, which art (who was) His Father

The word Easter comes from EostreThe name of a Saxon godd-essWho found a little birdIn a little bit of a messThe poor bird couldn't flyIt had lost more than a featherSo the goddess turned it into a hareTo survive the Winter weather

Story of Easter for Children

The hare found it could lay eggsWhich was a very strange thingSo it decorated the eggs and gave themTo the goddess every Spring

If you think that a hare laying eggsIs so very funnyRemember,that's why we have Easter eggsAnd of course, the Easter Bunny

Jon Bratton 2009

If you want more, click the link

Story of Easter for Children

This story of easter for children is copyright of Jon Bratton 2009

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Short Easter Poems

As Easter is nearly upon us I thought I'd bring you some Short Easter poems...just when all your cards have already been sent for this year. I drafted this entry weeks ago and then got busy.This first one was for an Aunt who wanted to send a card to her 20 year old nephew and made a card with an Easter Bunny Girl on the front

You're too old for easter eggs and things

My handsome young nephew

But you're not too young for Easter 'chicks'

So I'm sending one to you

To put a Spring in your step

Jon Bratton 2009

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Roses are redViolets are blueChocolate is brownHappy Easter to youShort Easter Poems

Easter duck and Easter chick,

Easter eggs with chocolate thick.

Easter hats for one and all,

Easter bunny makes a call!

Happy Easter always brings

Such a lot of pleasant things!

Short easter Poems

Hello yellow

For chicks and daffodils

Playing, swaying in the Springtime breeze

Howdi brown,( not for trees)

But for Chocolate,chocolate...and more chocolate

Pleeeeeeease

This one is for that new breed of people

Child Rearing Grandparents

Mum (Mom) (and Dad) you know I (we) rely on youPerhaps more than I (we) oughtBut I (we) really do appreciateAll your love and support

Have a really lovely EasterAnd may all your chocs be beautiesHave a nice long rest before resumingYour childminding duties

Which I (we) hope you find rewardingNot in money terms, as suchBut knowing that I (we) and the childrenLove you very much

Jon Bratton c 2006

***

Happy Norther

Happy Souther

Happy Wester

Got it !Happy Easter

***

Guess who's hop, hop, hopping your way?

To wish you a hap, hap, happy Holiday.

Loaded with goodies made just for you.

It's the Easter BunnyThat's who.

May your Easter be wrapped in happiness .....and tied with love

Want More? Click the LinkShort Easter Poems

This Short Easter Poems blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009Non commercial use of the poems is OK but not for use on websites