Funny Poems Christmas

Its that time of year again for Funny Poems Christmas. No, I haven't got dyslexia. That's how funny Christmas poems are most commonly searched forCatherine Masters complained that the Queen sent her the same birthday card each year and this prompted Fred MacAuley who has a newsy chat show on BBC Radio Scotland to discuss how to make an impact when sending Christmas cards.Olive of Olive Designs, a card maker was on the show to talk about card making and I was invited on as a card verse writerShould you be so inclined you can listen to the show on hereRadio Showbut below are the two verses I wrote to illustrate how verses can be personalised. The first is a verse that the Queen might penAs your Queen and SovereignIt behoves one to sayArise! On Christmas morningAnd have a wonderful dayMy husband and I(And all the Queen's horses and all the Queen's men)Want your annus to be wonderfulisIn two thousand and ten(Annus mirabilis is the correct Latin phrase meaning "wonderful year" but that's just not funny. Phillip Larkin wrote...life was never better thanIn nineteen sixty-three(Though just too late for me) -Between the end of the Chatterley banAnd the Beatles' first LP.)At the end of the piece Fred asked for another sample personalised verse which I'm glad to say I had prepared beforehand. This is for a card I shall send to the programmeTo the very best Beeb radio showMerry Christmas MacAuley and CoMay 2010, the year anewBring continued success to Fred and crewMore Funny Poems ChristmasThis funny poems Christmas blog page is copyright Jon Bratton but of course individuals, including Her Majesty, may use the material for non commercial purposes

Name All 52 States in USA

Left click the image to enlarge itAs a self confessed search engine tart I seek out common searches which are not well catered for and this one 'Name all 52 states in USA' is a corker. On a daily basis 1200 people want the search engines to find web sites that name all 52 states and quite naturally there aren't many takers.So guys here I can name all 53...I've even thrown in the State CapitalsNote there are eight starting with MAnd none with B or EAnd eight starting with NAnd none with J, Q, X or Z(That rhymes if you are North American)Alabama MontgomeryAlaska JuneauArizona PhoenixThere's more, don't you knowArkansas Little RockCalifornia SacramentoCanada OttawaI'm sure that's soColorado DenverDelaware DoverConnecticut HartfordThe list is not overFlorida TallahasseeGeorgia AtlantaHawaii HonoluluWe're starting to canterIdaho BoiseIllinois SpringfieldIndiana IndianapolisWhat next is revealedIowa Des MoinesKansas TopekaKentucky FrankfortWe're getting there. EurikaLouisiana Baton RougeMaine AugustaMaryland AnnapolisHang on in there, BusterMassachusetts BostonMinnesota St. PaulMichigan LansingAnd that's not allMississippi JacksonMissouri Jefferson CityMontana HelenaWe're sitting prettyNebraska LincolnNevada Carson CityNew Hampshire ConcordWe're still sitting prettyNew Jersey TrentonNew Mexico Santa FeNew York AlbanyI've got more to sayNorth Dakota BismarckNorth Carolina RaleighOhio ColumbusThere's more, don't dallyOklahoma Oklahoma CityOregon SalemPennsylvania HarrisburgI knew I could name 'emRhode Island ProvidenceSouth Dakota PierreSouth Carolina ColumbiaWe're getting thereTennessee NashvilleTexas AustinUtah Salt Lake Citywhere I once got lost inUnited Kingdom, LondonVermont MontpelierVirginia RichmondWhat did I tell yeahWashington OlympiaWest Virginia CharlestonWisconsin MadisonI'm done but for oneWyoming CheyenneThat's almost the last call52 StatesBut that's not allThere's one more to nameBefore the conclusionWhat about all those folk livingIn the state of Confusion?For more click the linkName All 52 States in USAThis Name all 52 states in USA blogspot entry is copyright Jon Bratton

Names of the Characters in Scooby Doo

Names of the Characters in Scooby Doo is a frequent search as is 'name all 52 states in USA' and not many sites provide the answer so it falls to me. I'll get back to you on the USA states thing but...Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred,Is the short answer...butYou need more, so here goesIt's two boys, two girls and a muttScooby-Doo's full name is Scooby-DooNorville 'Shaggy' Rogers is Shaggy's full name,Velma is Velma Dace Dinkley,And Daphne Ann Blake is the good looking dame

The good looking guy is FreddieThat's Frederick Herman Jones,Scooby is a Great DaneThat prefers human foods to bonesSo that's it. I've satisfied the search. For more click the link

Names of the Characters in Scooby DooThis 'Names of the characters in Scooby Doo' blogspot entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

Flippin Christmas Verses

These are the original verses for Flippin' Christmas Throne scene. They were condensed slightly on the actual production because of space restrictionsHere's Santa sittingHaving a right good readAhead of him is Christmas EveA busy night indeedHe's got to visit a billion homesThat's an awful lot to doHe'll have no time for readingOr sitting on the looHope your Christmas is the greatestAs you relax a little bitAnd after all that over indulgenceYou deserve a right good sit.Have a good 'unAnd may you be sitting pretty in the coming year.To see more of the range visit Flippin Christmas Verses at LaPashe'Flippin Christmas Verses' blogpage 2009

Michael Jackson is Dead

The World's Greatest Entertainer, Michael JacksonIs deadIt is saidIt is sadHe has diedIt can't be deniedBut is it suicide?You decideFor more, clickMichael Jackson is Dead Suicide?,This Michael Jackson is dead blogpage comes to you from Jon Bratton

Fathers Day Poems from Children

Here is a short poem from my Fathers Day Poems from Children collection, it being only 3 days to Father's Day

The big corn looked downAnd patted the (baby)(little)(young) corn's headI'm ever so proudTo be a popcorn, he said

I'm so proud you are my Popcorn

Happy Popcorn's Day,

Daddy

from

your baby corn

Jon Bratton 2009

For more, click the link

Fathers Day Poems from Children

This Fathers Day Poems from Children blog page is copyright Jon Bratton 2009 but the material may be used for private non commercial use

Baked Potato Recipe Foil

Those who know me just know that this is a search engine foible whereby lots of folk search using the phrase, 'baked potato recipe foil' but no one fully satisfies them. So all you folk who want to know the extent to which foil features in the baked potato process here's the definitive answer...it doesn't and it shouldn't and here's why"Baked Potato recipe foil"That should read failFor your potato in foil will boil and spoilYou'll be put in Potato JailThe foil traps the moisture, you seeIt's a mistakeYour potato will be steamedIt's a far better taste, when you bakeSo, put the potato in the oven, pricked and nakedThat's the potato, not youTo be honest it doesn't matterSo you can be naked tooAfter 50 minutes, removeYour naked potato is now bak-edUse foil now, if you like, during its 10 minute restThen serve it, naked(Smothered in butter)Look, if you want to pick up on every innuendo go ahead, cook the potato naked, it's not a problem because there are no hot splashes and if you want to serve it naked covered in butter, no problem because frankly what do you do in you kitchen is a matter between you and the receiver of your smothered offeringsMe? I'm hot and bothered and going for a lie downJon Bratton 2009For more on the subject click the linkBaked Potato Recipe Foilbut if you do, woe betide you

This 'baked potato recipe foil' is brought to you, for free use, and to satisfy a significant but un fulfilled desire

Newcastle United Premiership or Championship?

It's do or die today for the Toon Army. Newcastle United Premiership or Championship next season?

Hip Hip HoorayAl's saved the dayHe desorves every pennyOf his million quid payNow he's var nigh boond to stayThe dug oot's better than Match of the DayDoom and GloomThe toon is doonAh think ah'll sup some Newcie BroonThen gan te bed till the next blue moon

For more, click the linkNewcastle United Premiership or Championship?This Newcastle United Premiership or Championship? blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

Mother and Son Poem

This mother and son poem is a follow up to yesterday's poems about a student son using Father's Day to try to scrounge some money from his Dad. Today he tackles his mother“Mom, I sent a Fathers Day card to DadBut he didn’t help at allI’m a little.., I’m ski.. I’m broke…, MomSo I thought I’d give you a call”“OK, sweetie,” says Mom“The money is on its wayAnd I’ll send your economics bookWhich you left, on your last stay”“Uhh oh yeah Mom” says son“Thanks, you really are a friend”Dad comes home and asks his wife“OK how much did you send”"Two checks, one for 20, and the other for 1,000.""That's 1020 dollars!!!" yelled Dad"Don't worry hon," Mom said,“Its really not that badI taped the $20 check to the book coverBut put the $1,000 one in betweenThe pages on Prudent Money ManagementThat’s in Chapter 15!"Jon Bratton 2009This mother and son poem is copyright Jon Bratton. It may be used for non commercial purposes

Father's Day Verses Funny

This Father's Day Verses Funny blog entry is brought to you in the lead up to Fathers Day next month.Based on a joke I read somewhere I have written this Fathers Day card poem from a student to his Dad containing sledge hammer subtlety

Dad, $chool i$ really great.I’m $tudying very hard.I want for little, well, sort of..Except, perhaps, a ¢ardI would love to receive something from you.About home and Mom and $uchI am making lot$ of friend$But I mi$$ you very muchThe only reason I made thi$ ¢ardIs becau$e I want to $ayYou mean $o very much to meHave a $uper Father’$ DayYour Loving, Hard up $logger $on.

Image from http://www.dubuque.k12.ia.us/parents/CartoonNO.jpg

The wise father repliedDear Son,Your sincere speech did NOt go unNOticedBut it came as NO surpriseAnd the subtletness of your messageDid NOt escape my teary eyesI do kNOw that the study of ecoNOmics,Is to you, interesting stuffThe pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task,And you can never kNOw eNOugh.I wrote to my DadWhen I was away at collegeMy Dad let me kNOw the meaning of NOAnd I pass on to you that kNOwledgeJon Bratton 2009

Fathers Day Poems Funny

Image from http://www.lindenservices.co.uk/userimages/stihl.jpg

Fathers Day is just a month awaySo here's a little dittyOn this Father’s Day, DadI hope you are wellPin back your lug holesI’ve a story to tellA lumberjack raised the moneyFor his son‘s education, he plannedBy cutting down treesLaboriously, by handThe son bought his father a chain saw“This will make life easier, Pater”Then he went off to collegeReturning 3 months laterThe father had indeed used the sawBut he was now on his kneesHe had worked much harderAnd had cut down less treesThe son was disappointedAt what he had heard and seenSo he checked the oil and gasOn the chain saw machineHe pulled on the cord The chain saw roared into actionThe son was surprised At his father’s reaction His father got a shockHe grabbed his son’s jacketBLOODY HELL SON, he saidWHAT ON EARTH IS THAT RACKET?For your Father’s Day presentI thought long and hardBut you’ll understand nowWhy I just got you this cardHappy Father’s DayJon Bratton 2009For more, click the linkFathers Day Poems Funny

This 'Fathers Day Poems Funny' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton but poem may be used for non commercial purposes

How long do you cook turkey breast

How long do you cook turkey breast is a question asked on the internet about 700,000 times per year so this is a perfect subject for a search engine tart like me to address, so here goes

Roast at 350 degrees for 20 minutes per poundShould produce meat that will pleaseBut for perfection, use a food thermometer And cook till the temperature reaches 170 degrees.Jon Bratton 2009The best thing to do is cook to temperature. Get a probe thermometer and cook until it reaches 165-175 degrees. It is really hard to tell someone how long to cook a piece of meat because every piece of meat is different and every oven is different and conditions vary. All of these factors contribute to cooking by time being unreliable. Everyone should have a probe thermometer not just for good cooking but for safe cookingIf you want to know more, click the linkHow Long Do You Cook Turkey Breast

Cook a Steak and How Long

Cook a steak and how long?Is a question asked by 500 people each day2 to 5 minutes each sideThat's it...there's not much more to say

Except this, if 2 minutes, rest it for 5

And if 5 minutes, rest it for 2Give it 20 minutes if you want it crematedAnd show it a match if you want it blue

Jon Bratton 2009

How Long Do You Cook a Medium Steak

This is my guide to steak cooking times. They can only be a guide as it depends on the thickness of the steak. I have based these on a steak that is approximately 2.5cm or 1 inch thick.

Rare: 1-2 minutes per side - rest for 6-8 minutesMedium rare: 2-2.5 minutes per side - rest for 5 minutesMedium: 4 minutes per side - rest for 4 minutesWell done: 5.5 minutes per side - rest for 1 minuteThicker steaks may require a longer cooking time, and shorter for thinner steaks.

To know more, clink the link

Cook a Steak and How Long

What Does The USA Flag Colors Represent?

What does the USA flag colors represent?What do the colors signify?The American flag is red, white and blueThe question oft asked is why

It's almost an obsessive questionWhat do the colors mean?Nothing, they're merely the colors

That on the British Union Jack, are seen

The red is from England's St George's CrossAnd Ireland's St Patrick's Cross tooAnd St Andrew's Cross of ScotlandGives us the blue

Meanings have been ascribed to the colorsIn the Great Seal, used for securityThe blue is justice, red is valorAnd the white means purity

But to the question, the flag colorsMean, signify, symbolize what?The answer is nothing, nada, zipZilch, diddly squat

Jon Bratton 2009

To learn more, click the link

What does the USA flag colors represent

This 'What Does The USA Flag Colors Represent' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

American Flag History for Kids

American Flag History for Kids, unlikely as it seems, is a popular search term and it just screamed out for a poem to be written. The job befell me, though I don't claim to be a vexillologist. But first here's the first stanza of the US National Anthem, The Star Spangled Banner (meaning star covered banner)

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early lightWhat so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet waveO'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?Here's another little ditty, from where I know notI love my flag, my country's flagThe red and white and blue.It has broad stripes and fifty stars,And stands for freedom, too.

Now here's me poemThe flag of the United StatesIs red, white and blueIt has 13 stripes and 50 starsBut this wasn't always trueFor its first year as a NationUSA had no flag at allThen it got one with 13 starsSet out in a circle, like a ball

The first official national flagAccording to the storyWas approved on June 14, 1777And nicknamed “Old Glory”The claim of Betsy Ross is that sheMade, with her own hands, the first flagIf that is true, and it seems to beShe was entitled to brag

In 1795, the number of stars and stripes

Was increased by twoVermont and Kentucky joined the unionAnd wanted to be given their dueWhen more joined, the stars increasedBut the stripes reduced backTo represent the 13 coloniesThat gave Britain the sackTwo overseas states, Hawaii and AlaskaWere added from afarsSo now the Stars and StripesHas a total of 50 starsJon Bratton 2009Here's another..the lyrics to a songSaid Washington to Betsy Ross, "A flag our nation needsTo lead our valiant soldiers on to high and noble deedsNow can you make one for us, to which she made reply,"I am not certain if I can; At least I'll gladly try."Chorus:So she took some red for the blood they shedSome white for purity,Some stars so bright from the sky overheadSome blue for loyalty,And sewed them all together,For loyal hearts and true,And hand in hand as one we standFor the red, the white and the blue.Said Betsy Ross to Washington, "Your country's flag behold!"And through his tear-dimmed eyes he saw the stars and stripes unfold.Then to his breast he clasped it, and looked to heaven above."Oh may it ever stand," he cried, "For rights and truth and love."Finally, here's a lovely pieceA Toast to the Flag" by John Jay Daly, c.1918

Here's to the red of it;There's not a thread of it —No nor a shred of it —In all the spread of it,From foot to head,But heroes bled for it,Faced steel and lead for it —Precious blood shed for it,Bathing it red.Here's to the white of it;Thrilled by the sight of it,Who knows the right of itBut has felt the might of itThrough day and night?Womanhood's care for itMade manhood dare for it;Purity's prayer for itKept it so whiteHere's to the blue of it,Heavenly view of it,Star spangled hue of it,Honesty's due of it,Constant and true;Here's to the whole of it —Stars, stripes and pole of it —Here's to the soul of it,Red white and blue.

If you want to know more, click the linkAmerican Flag History for KidsThis 'American Flag History for Kids' blog page is copyright Jon Bratton 2009. The poem may be used for non commercial purposes

Dinosaurs for Kids

Dinosaurs for kids is a fairly popular search term. Some of you will know that I am assisting Paul Perro with his lovely http://www.history-for-kids.com/website and I am quoting here a portion of his longer poem on the subject of 'Dinosaurs for Kids'There was a type of creature called a dinosaur.Which you do not see any more.They lived in a prehistoric time,I’ll tell you about them in this rhyme.Dinosaurs had tiny brainsBut they had ginormous names.Like triceratops, brontosaurus,Velociraptor and OhDon'tBoreUsThe tyrannosaurus rexWas scary, one suspects.It had lots of big sharp teeth,And a *ROAR* that just defied belief.How I wish that I could getA dinosaur to be my pet.I would take him into school one dayAnd everyone would run away.This will never happen, I realizeFor long ago they met their demise.Fossils are all that are left, it seems,You can sometimes see them in museums.This post is a test to see how well or how badly it fares in the Google search engine results page. Paul Perro's webpage is well search engine optimised and yet does not feature on the first ten pages, I suspect because it is a new website and its in Google's so called sandbox. A blog page usually does much better. I'll report backClick the link for moreDinosaurs for Kids and other history poems

Goodbye Sad Poems, But Funny

Goodbye Sad Poems is a popular search, particularly for co-workers who are departing for pastures new, or retiring. I have written many such poems where the goodbye maybe sad but the poem is funny. These were written about very specific people but here I've taken all the generic material and welded it together to produce a poem to apply to anyone...with a sense of humour. If to a teetotaller, take out the verses about drink. It is intended to be read out loud by two people, the black type is good cop and the purple is bad cop

Today)(tonight), we have a change of style

It's a different kind of do

I've cut my eloquent, articulate, smooth and polished speech

That'll save an hour or two

We have for you a little dittyA farewell and good luck quipTo say goodbye to our dear friendAs he departs this sinking ship

Yes a Co-worker is leavingIt's now sincerity timeTo pay him a special tributeBy insulting him in rhyme

Co-workers leaving is always sadA time for sorrow and grievingBut today we can be happyCoz it's Charlie Smith that's leaving

I've heard about your dittiesI'm not sure I'm very keenI just take poetic licenseYou take liberties, you mean

If you're going to insult my friendI don't want any partOh (Mary)(Bill), don't make a fussI'll behave, cross my heart

OK, but no derogatory remarks

Did I not promise just nowNo innuendoes or calling him namesGet on, yer silly cow

Alright, it's goodbye to a hard worker

It is a terrible pity

To lose such a staunch member of...

The Skivers and Shirkers Committee

We're saying goodbye to a learned colleagueWho knows that one over the eight is nineWe're bidding adieu to a man of spiritWho's very fond of wine

We all like to socialiseWith a drop of wine or beerBut to us, it's just a pastimeTo Charlie, it's his career

Work is a mere distractionAs a respite, it's fineBetween yesterday's binge on beerAnd today's excess of wine

Charlie's a very hard workerDo you really think that's true?If you tell Mr (Brown) Charlie's leavingHe'll say "Sorry, Charlie Who?

No I'm not having itWe can't treat a friend this wayOK, Clever ClogsYou think of something nice to say

You can always rely on CharlieWhen you're in a desperate needWhen things are bad but could get worseThey will, that's guaranteed

I remember when poor Charlie (lost that big order)(fell down the stairs) (whatever)I felt sorry for him, more than a bitIt's something Charlie would like to forgetYes, that's why I mentioned it

You couldn't have been more insulting

What have you got to say?

I'm very sorry...I'm very sorry

You made me throw all the best bits away

Charlie, take no notice of himAt least I'm on your sideThis one here, couldn't have been more insultingBut believe me, Charlie, I tried

I'd like now to propose a toast

To bring this to an end

To Charlie, no longer a co-worker

But still a very dear friend

Jon Bratton 2009but based on his earlier material

If you want more Goodbye Sad Poems...but funny, click the link

Goodbye Sad poems, but funny

This 'Goodbye Sad Poems, but funny' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009. The poem may be used for non commercial purposes

St Georges Day

Today is not only St Georges Day but...Today is St George's and the Bard's Birth and Death dayHave the happiest of daysJust pondering...if he was born and died on the same dayHow come he wrote so many flippin’ playsJon Bratton © 2007This next one was written for a specific person…the name has been changedGOLFER / BIRTHDAY ON ST GEORGE'S DAY / EXOTIC HOLIDAYSJames Drummond Justice BrownYou've reached the big Five 0And still in shape, despite suppin aleAt 80 shillings a go ....You occasionally spoil a good walkKnocking a ball o'er dales and hillsAnd as a Tory with Healey eyebrowsYou really need your acting skillsFor Holidays you avoid the madding crowdFrom Costa del Sol you'd run a milePreferring instead the Orient ExpressOr an exotic Western IsleYou're a Noel Coward kind of chapThat's clear from the life you forgeAnd as a Taurus you share the destinyOf the Bard and bold St GeorgeExcept you're not so much a writerMore a talker, it must be saidand you've never slain a dragon.... you married her instead!This was written for a competition. It didn’t win because after I had written it, I realised that the competition had been held the year previousT'was just after Easter, I was wearing me bonnetI sat down to write this Shakespearean sonnetAs an Imperial I ne'er shout of centimetresIambically speaking, know nowt of pentametersThis sonnet's to celebrate St George's DayA rare opportunity for me to sayIt's ironic, nay verily, more idioticThat a Palestinian Turk makes me feel patrioticAt the next World Cup, may England prevailAt the Plymouth Arms, may this win me free aleJon Bratton © 2007This is one of a series of silly ditties I wrote for the webpage you can reach by following the link belowPoem For Susan GeorgeIt's 23rd AprilThis card is sent to sayTo the hard of hearing and dyslexicsToday's your special dayJon Bratton © 2007Click the LinkFor moreSt Georges Day Poems

Was Shakespeare Gay or Bisexual

Was Shakespeare Gay or Bisexual?

Look at the earlier portrait of Will and look at this newly discovered one.

Spot the difference?For all purposes and intentsIn the one he's a serious poet and dramatistIn the other, as camp as a row of tents

"In the early sonnets, Shakespeare writes about his great love, who happens to be a young man. While many people assume this to mean that he had a male lover and thus was either gay or bisexual there are others who still believe that his male friend was not his lover but someone who was simply very close to him emotionally "...to read more, click the link

Was Shakespeare Gay or Bisexual

Why is Shakespeare Known as The Bard

Why is Shakespeare known as The Bard is explained below in me poem but first know this.

23rd April is the birth date and death date of English poet and playwright William Shakespeare.So, the most famous (possibly) Englishman was born and died on St Georges Day, the Patron Saint of England"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them” from Twelfth Night by ShakespeareWilliam Shakespeare was born and diedOn the very same dayWell, he didn’t last very longI hear some of you sayIf he really was born and diedOn the very same dayHe couldn’t have managed a sonnetNever mind a 3 act playFortunately for us (but not for schoolchildren)There was 52 years in betweenThe first 23rd April was in 1564And the second in 1616Most of his work was producedIn a 23 year frame of timeNearly 40 plays and 150 odd sonnetsAnd poems that don’t even rhymeWhy is Shakespeare known as the Bard?That's not a title he earnsFor that title belongs to The BardScotland's Robert BurnsShakespeare is The Bard of AvonThat's the river in his town of birthBard just means poetIt's Welsh, for what it's worthJon Bratton 2009For more, click the linkWhy is Shakespeare known as the Bard or is it Rabbie BurnsThis'Why is Shakespeare known as the Bard' blog entry is copyright of Jon Bratton 2009

Queen Elizabeth II Birthday Poem

Queen Elizabeth II Birthday Poem

21st April 2009

Ma'am, or to use your Official Title,'Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland' it behoves me as the Doggeret Laureate to write a little number for your 83rd Birthday. It goes like this

On this day 83 years ago, Lilibet was born

And it just couldn’t be foreseenThat one day the baby PrincessWould become our QueenHer uncle would become the KingAnd have children of his ownAnd the eldest of those childrenWould ascend to the throneBut Uncle Bertie abdicatedAnd her Dad as King was boundWhen he died, Her Royal Highness The Princess ElizabethAs our Queen was crownedThis is a birthday tribute, Your MajestyIt gives me much pleasureTo say happy 83rd birthday Ma’am,Our Queen and National TreasureJon Bratton 2009If you want more, click the linkQueen Elizabeth II Birthday PoemThis Queen Elizabeth's Birthday Poem is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

Sorry Poems

Image from http://gleesongleanings.wordpress.com/2008/06/

I'm working on a new website http://www.poem-poetry.com/ and I needed to add a Sorry Poems page. Most people search for Sorry verses or poems when Apology verses or poems would be more appropriate

Here's some of the poems I came up with.

Lets make up and forget.What I did, I regret

***

It was so stupid what I saidI didn’t mind my Qs and PsI’ve won the Foot in Mouth awardForgive me please

***

If I was a blood splattered runaway lorryI couldn't feel more sorryIf I was a serial love cheat like Ken or Deirdre from CorryI couldn't feel more sorryIf I was a mud and slime filled, alligator infested quarryI couldn't feel more sorryThat's how sorry I am

These light hearted poems are sorry (apology) poems for friends, girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend, husband,wife, boss, teacher etc to say I'm sorry I hurt you, I am sorry to risk our friendship, I am sorry I did or didn't do something. They are poems to apologise, they are not to say sorry for your loss or sorry you are leaving

This Sorry Poems blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009. The poems may be used for private non commercial purposes but not for publishing on a website

Story of Easter for Children

I wrote Story of Easter for Children because tomorrow is Maundy Thursday when the Queen gives Maundy Money to pensioners. Last Sunday was Palm Sunday and after tomorrow it's Good Friday and then there's Easter Sunday. Kids probably don't know anything other than it's an Eating Chocolate Fest so this is my poem explaining it in rhyme, for this blog of course but primarily as a contribution to the great new website www.history-for-kids.com

Do you know the story of Easter?

Of course you get Easter eggs so yummyBut Easter is about much moreThan just good things for your tummy

It is a Christian Church FestivalHeld every SpringAbout the death of Jesus...that's badAnd his coming to life again...Good Thing !

Palm Sunday is a week before EasterIt celebrates when Jesus rode into Jerusalem townOn a donkey, which walked overAll the coats that the people threw down

Story of Easter for Children

The people who didn’t have coatsWent to the fields where they foundPalm branches which they spreadAll across the ground

These people knew that Jesus was special.It was like when a King comes to town,They didn’t have a red carpetSo they laid their coats, and branches down.

Story of Easter for Children

And to this day a donkey is specialBecause it carried Jesus with care~If you look at the back of a donkeyYou’ll see a cross is still there

Next comes the day of the Last Supper

Maundy Thursday, when Judas was Jesus’ enemyFor silver money, he betrayed his friendIn the Garden of Gethsemane

Maundy means commandment

Jesus said at the Last Supper“I am your brother

As I have loved you

You must love one another”

The Queen of Britain gives money

Every Maundy Day

To people who are old

And no longer get any pay

Story of Easter for Children

The next day is Good FridayThe day Jesus was crucifiedTwo days later, on Easter Sunday he said"I've come back...coz I've just un-died

He didn't stay long with his friendsHe didn't die, but rather

He went straight up to HeavenTo join God, which art (who was) His Father

The word Easter comes from EostreThe name of a Saxon godd-essWho found a little birdIn a little bit of a messThe poor bird couldn't flyIt had lost more than a featherSo the goddess turned it into a hareTo survive the Winter weather

Story of Easter for Children

The hare found it could lay eggsWhich was a very strange thingSo it decorated the eggs and gave themTo the goddess every Spring

If you think that a hare laying eggsIs so very funnyRemember,that's why we have Easter eggsAnd of course, the Easter Bunny

Jon Bratton 2009

If you want more, click the link

Story of Easter for Children

This story of easter for children is copyright of Jon Bratton 2009

Myspace Glitter Graphics

Short Easter Poems

As Easter is nearly upon us I thought I'd bring you some Short Easter poems...just when all your cards have already been sent for this year. I drafted this entry weeks ago and then got busy.This first one was for an Aunt who wanted to send a card to her 20 year old nephew and made a card with an Easter Bunny Girl on the front

You're too old for easter eggs and things

My handsome young nephew

But you're not too young for Easter 'chicks'

So I'm sending one to you

To put a Spring in your step

Jon Bratton 2009

**

Roses are redViolets are blueChocolate is brownHappy Easter to youShort Easter Poems

Easter duck and Easter chick,

Easter eggs with chocolate thick.

Easter hats for one and all,

Easter bunny makes a call!

Happy Easter always brings

Such a lot of pleasant things!

Short easter Poems

Hello yellow

For chicks and daffodils

Playing, swaying in the Springtime breeze

Howdi brown,( not for trees)

But for Chocolate,chocolate...and more chocolate

Pleeeeeeease

This one is for that new breed of people

Child Rearing Grandparents

Mum (Mom) (and Dad) you know I (we) rely on youPerhaps more than I (we) oughtBut I (we) really do appreciateAll your love and support

Have a really lovely EasterAnd may all your chocs be beautiesHave a nice long rest before resumingYour childminding duties

Which I (we) hope you find rewardingNot in money terms, as suchBut knowing that I (we) and the childrenLove you very much

Jon Bratton c 2006

***

Happy Norther

Happy Souther

Happy Wester

Got it !Happy Easter

***

Guess who's hop, hop, hopping your way?

To wish you a hap, hap, happy Holiday.

Loaded with goodies made just for you.

It's the Easter BunnyThat's who.

May your Easter be wrapped in happiness .....and tied with love

Want More? Click the LinkShort Easter Poems

This Short Easter Poems blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009Non commercial use of the poems is OK but not for use on websites

Black History Poems

This Black History poems blog is another of my contributions for the website

http://www.history-for-kids.com/

It is written from the perspective of a little slave girl in the 1700s living with her father and sister in a slave hut on a cotton plantation in North America

I live in my Pappy's hutMy name is Kizzy ClayMy older sister is ElizaI'm six years old today

My Mammy died of feverEliza's ten, she cares for meI don't know our exact address

But we live in Slavery

Pappy works in Mr John's fieldsPlanting cotton and riceYesterday, he was whippedWhich wasn't very nice

Black History Poems

The overseer is very cruelHis name is Nathaniel BlackMy pappy cannot work todayHe's got deep cuts on his back

Oh, I can see Mr John's little girlHer name is Missy RoseShe lives in the Big HouseAnd wears very nice clean clothes

She's pretty and has white skinHer mother is also deadBut she has two aunts to care for herShe sleeps in a proper bed

Black History Poems

She has a beautiful ponyWhich lives in a stable 6 feet 4It has its own blanketsAnd nice clean straw

Our hut is also 6 feet 4Two families have to shareIts very dark and we sleep on ragsEliza says it isn't fair

Pappy says his Grandpappy's Pappy"Was a chief before coming here

Once proud and free, he was enslavedTo live in chains.....and fear

Black History Poems

All the young strong villagersWere forcefully taken awayCrammed into sailing shipsBound for the USA

Many died on the wayA ship sometimes would sinkOr they died through lack of medicineOr not enough to drink"

Pappy says his Grandpappy's PappyArrived very much aliveHe was a strong healthy 20 year old

He died, broken, at 35

Black History Poems

Pappy says that one dayAll slaves will be freeWe'll get a President who believes in itJust you wait and see

Pappy says he has a dreamThat a King will come one dayAnd they'll listen very carefullyTo all he has to say

He says that he has a dreamThat blacks and whites will live as oneLiving free, in a proper houseJust like Mr John

Black History Poems

He even dreams that maybe

There will come the dayWhen a black man becomes the PresidentOf the USA

Eliza says he's crazyOr that's how it seemsBut she says when life is very hardA man should have his dreams

Black History Poems

One day, perhaps, a little girlWill have a story readBy her Pappy, before she goes to sleepIn her proper bed

But until then, I'll be contentWhat will be, will beNighty night I must goThere's a dream that waits for me

Jon Bratton 2009

Clink the link for more

Black History Poems

This 'black history poems' blog page is copyright jon Bratton 2009

Poems Containing Metaphors, Onomatopoeia, Alliteration, Assonance

If you came here just for examples of onomatopoeiaclick this linkOnomatopoeia Poems

Paula’s hair looks like rats’ tails .

Oh that’s a simileEsther estimated every elevation.

That’s alliteration, clearlyIan’s head is a shed.

Call that a metaphor, my dearAll at once, whoosh, went the wind

Love that alliterative onomatopoeia

Dave is occupied in the wash room.

Euphemism, is what’s been penned

Verily I say, O wet pet

Is an odd ode spoke to a soaked sole friendCould that be assonance just then and can the whole

Epigram, with imagery be acrostic in some waySo that’s all the POETICAL DEVICES , there’s nothing more to say

Jon Bratton 2009

For more, click the link

Poems Containing Metaphors Onomatopoeia Alliteration

The image is from http://www.instantdisplay.co.uk/alliteration.PNG

This 'poems containing Metaphors, Onomatopoeia, Alliteration, Assonance' blog page is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

Boudicca Warrior Queen of the Iceni

Here's another poem I wrote for the new website

http://www.history-for-kids.com/

which compiles (bedtime) stories, written in rhyme, about events in history as a resource not only for parents but for teachers as well

Boudicca Warrior Queen of the Iceni

Tonight’s (Today's) story is about a queenBut not a fragile little flower

In fact a tough brave woman

The first with Girl Power

Britain has produced many warriors

Men who fought to keep Britain free

But here’s the story of Warrior Queen Boudicca,

A famous name in history

She had great intelligence

In the opinion of some

She was tall, fierce faced and harsh voiced

And had red hair, right down to her bum

She wore a large golden necklace,

And multi-coloured tunic, and cloak

She led an uprising of the tribes

Against the Roman folk

Here’s why. Her husband, the KingPromised the Romans half his wealth and landBut when the King diedThings didn’t go quite as planned

Normal Roman practiceRegarding allied kingdoms appliedThe kingdom became the property of RomeWhen the current King died

The Romans took everythingWhen they came one dayTreating nobles as slavesAnd acting in a very brutal way

The Britons were appalledAnd thought the Romans had cheatedAlso Queen Boudicca and her Princess daughtersWere badly mistreatedWhen people behave badlyThat simply isn’t rightAnd the one who feels cheatedIs ready to fight

Queen Boudicca was furious

She had never been angrier

So she created an Iceni Army

Based in East Anglia

The Trinovantes, the neighbouring tribeAlso wanted to get rid

Of the Romans, who must be punished

For the awful thing they did

So they joined forces,Led by the QueenIn, perhaps, the biggest armyThe Britons had ever seen

The Druids in Wales revolted

This made the time right

While the Roman Governor was distracted

Now was the time to fight

Boudicca’s army was successfulWith victories at Colchester town

St Albans and London

Which they completely burnt down

But when the Roman Governor returned

The Britons suffered a huge defeat

Beaten by the professional Roman ArmyAt the Battle of Watling Street

80,000 Britons were killedBoudicca managed to survive

But she took poison so the Romans

Couldn’t capture her alive

She lives on in our memoryA bronze statue can be seenIn London, of brave, bold BoudiccaThe mighty Warrior Queen

Jon Bratton 2009

If you want to read the story as a comic book...I recomment it, click the link

The story of Boudicca

If you want more poems, click the link

Boudicca Warrior Queen of the Iceni which takes you to a poem by William Cowper

or if you're really brave try reading

Alfred Lord Tennyson

And here's another Boudicca poem

©

This 'Boudicca Warrior Queen of the Iceni' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009.This material is free to use for personal use but may not be lifted in whole or part by website publishers

Spring has Sprung...while we slept

Historically spring starts on the day of the vernal equinox, which usually occurs on the night of 20/21 March. That was last night

Here's the famous Spring in the Bronx ditty that people all over the Northern Hemisphere English speaking world say at this time of year

Spring has sprung, the grass is ris,I wonder where the boidies isThe boid is on the wing,How absoidThe wing is on the boid!

It must be assumed that this is by Author Unknown..it is not Ogden Nash as is often alleged. Listen up allegators, Ogden had all his stuff published starting with

Spring Comes To Murray HillOgden Nash

which goes

I sit in an office at 244 Madison AvenueAnd say to myselfYou have a responsible job havenue?Why then do you fritter away your time on this doggerel?If you have a sore throat you can cure it by using a good goggeral etc

He doesn't mention Spring but he does say

Oh, if I only had the wings of a birdInstead of being confined on Madison AvenueI could soar in a jiffy to Second or Third.

It is alleged Ogden Nash wrote

Spring has newly sprungthe hills are full of grassand along comes a billy-goatsliding on his overcoatdown the summer pass

but I don't think so. It doesn't sound Nashy enough to me. Now this sounds Nashy

Spring is what wintaAlways gozinta.

Walking along the 4th fairway at my golf club the other day 'Spring has Sprung' popped into my head, as did this

The horse is on the hoof

Nonsense, of courseThe hoof is on the horseJon Bratton 2009

Here's another variation on the theme

Spring has sprung, the grass has ris’,I wonder where the birdie is?There he is up in the sky,He dropped some whitewash in my eye!I‘m alright, I won’t cry,I’m just glad that cows can’t fly!

~ Author Unknown ~

And another

Spring has sprung,The grass has riz,I wonder where the flowers is

And one more

Spring has sprung!", said the bumble bee."How do you know?", said the old oak tree."I just saw a daffodil blooming on a windy hill!"

Want more?

Spring has Sprung while we slept

This 'Spring has Sprung...while we slept' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

Roman Baths, Aqueducts, Engineering n things

Still on the subject of creating fun and learnable history for kids, as is the mission of

http://www.history-for-kids.com/

a website in the course of construction and which has commisioned me to write some contributions, my piece today was inspired by two gems I was reminded of /came across

a) the bit of script in the Life of Brian which goes something like this"All right... all right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what have the Romans done for us?"and b) a funny piece of doggerel by an Australian who explained why the whole World ended up with railway carriages that run on tracks four feet eight and one-half inches wide. (The Stephenson Gauge or Standard Gauge)

Here is my poem

What the Romans Did for Us

Next time you're on a train

Notice how long and skinny they are

They're not much wider

Than your Daddy's car

You have to use a calendar

Because trains are thin

If you don't book a seat

They'll just not let you in

The Romans gave us our calendar

Which is very handy, cozWithout dates, you wouldn't know

When your birthday was

If you look out the train window

You might see tall arches over deep valleys

That's a Roman invented aqueduct

It's water that it carries

And if you're ill through overcrowding

Because the trains are thin

Say thanks to the Romans

For they brought us medicine

And the train will be safe from robbers

(Coz they're now all running banks)

For our system of law and order

The Romans deserve our thanks

If you're travelling in the Winter

You'll be cozy on the train

Because of the central heating

We can thank those Romans again

If you're travelling in the Summer

Thank the Romans for this too

For without the baths they invented

We'd all be Stinky Poo

If from the window, you see cars

And trucks with heavy loads

They'll be travelling fast and straight

Along what once were Roman roads

And in giving thanks to the Romans

Gratitude is what we say

Why, even that word is RomanAs are many, we speak today

And do you know why trains are skinny

Why they're not very fat

Well, we can blame the Romans..yes blame

We can blame them for that

Trains were made thin

To match the tramways in the street

They kept them the same width

To keep everything neat

The tramlines were that size

Because of the covered wagons before

They already had the manufacturing jigs

And they didn't want to make more

Image from http://sabbah.biz/mt/images/jerash033fb.jpg

The wagons were that size

To match the ruts in the roads

Caused by the Romans with their chariots

Carrying heavy loads

The chariots were that size

Not very wide

To attach the shafts to two horses

Running side by side

The Romans should have used animals

Like an elephant or hippo or bull

If they'd had much bigger bottoms

Our trains wouldn't get so full

So next time your train arrives

And it's already full when it comesSay loudly "All right... the Romans give us sanitation, roads, aqueducts,blah..blah...But they should have used animals... ...with much bigger bums

Jon Bratton 2009

Links

Graeme King's poem about the width of trains

For the Romans in Britain...a poem in 40 words, click the link

Roman Baths, Aqueducts, Engineering n things

©

This 'Roman Baths, Aqueducts, Engineering n things' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009.

This material is free to use for personal use but may not be lifted in whole or part by website publishers