Royal Wedding Poem

This Royal Wedding Poem is a departure for me because, as you regular readers know, I am a search engine tart, that's to say if people around the World aren't searching for such a subject, in huge numbers, then I ain't writing about it.And yet here am I doing that very thing...because, shame on Britain, they are not searching in significant numbers. Wills and Kate getting married...Diana's eldest son...Going to be King!!!!...wake up Britain( I'm required to say again Royal Wedding Poem. I'll probably do it again before this post is done. I'll be guided by Google who will eventually rule the UniverseA nice lady found me on Facebook... and asked if I still did personalised poems, which I don't BUT I admired that she tracked me down, it was at a time when I must have been lusting (but didn't know I was) to write in response to personal details and to cut a long story long I agreed to write something for her, for nothing,..and here for you is what I didn't write. What I did write is between me and her and I told her I would publish what I wrote but does she want it blurted out this soon. Probably not, so stay stumThis is on the lines of what I did write...but altered to protect privacy. If you are a best man or a father of the bride or the groom or a best woman for a wedding taking place on 29th April 2011, deliberately, or coincidentally, chosen to coincide with Will's and Kate's wedding, you are welcome to use this material... but, for God's sake, just don't be involved in a Wiltshire weddingHere's, the generic version of what I wroteThe Westminster Pair and our (Ealing) (chavs and slappers)Have in common, quite a lotThree of them’s quite commonAnd one of them is notOne has special breedingAnd boy does it showToday (Vera) is the princessBut then I’m biased, don’t you knowAs (Vera)’s old time friend, I’m Best WomanI’m nervous, it’s my first time(At making a speech, you naughty people)So I’m reading out my little speechAnd I’m doing it in rhymeI’m calling for audience participationEspecially from the drunks out thereWhen you hear an obvious repeat line (I’ll give you a clue) Emphasise the ‘ate’ soundPerhaps you’ll give a little cheerOr, if you’re really, really up for itEven better, it would certainly beIf you would anticipate, and recite, the lineRight along with me( I'm required to say again Royal Wedding Poem. I know not why but I'll probably do it again before this post is done. I'll be guided by Google who will eventually rule the UniverseSo, here goes:-Today's a very special dayIsn’t Britain Great?We've all been given the day offAnd… all the pubs are open late (cheers)For today’s (handsome) (alcoholic) Groom, (Jack),It’s a double celebration dateHis wedding’s good but what floats his boatIs that… the pubs are open late (cheers)The whole Country's gone ballisticThere's bunting everywhereThere's gun salutes and cheeringWhich is surprising for a (Liverpudlian) pairEveryone is celebratingDrinking booze by the crateBecause (Vera)’s finally pinned down (Jack)And..also(pause and the audience who will shout 'All the pubs are open late' Then read the actual lineNo…Prince William married KateHere's to two very happy bridesThe beautiful (Vera) and KateIt's not just the wedding day they have in commonCan you guess?... (audience will say the pubs are open late)No...It’s a very long and patient waitAren’t I a provocative f…f ..female?Both brides met their future husbands(10 years ago) (5 years ago) ( A while ago), both by pure chanceBoth women had to tolerateA (longer-than-ideally-planned)…romance orA(longer-than-necessary-because-he's-such-a-woosy-typically-blokey-blokey-bollocky-non-makey-mindy-up-sitty-on-the-fence-dip-stick-sort-of-bloke)romanceOn the whole, (Vera)’s demeanourHas been surprisingly bright and breezyTelling folks you’re courting a (Teddy Bear) (Everton supporter) (Welsh twit) (Geordie)Really can’t be easyDuring (Jack) and (Vera’s) protracted courtship(They managed (twice) to propagate)(They failed to propagate)It would have (been more) (happened), but for (Jack)’s excuseAll the pubs are open late(Beautiful (Sophie) and baby (James)Are the results we see todayNow that (Vera)’s finger’s got a ring on itPerhaps more are on the wayI must say the wedding so far has been very goodWe’ve been watered and we’ve ateWe can look forward to this eveningCos…( the pubs are) (the hotel bar is) open lateSo, to recap…In the spring of twenty eleven, (Jack) a (rock star ) (plonker) (wonderfully best bloke in t‘World))Took (Vera) his (children's mummy ) (sweetheart) (soul mate) for his wifeGood luck you whirlwind romanticsHave a long and happy lifeIn a moment, we'll raise our glassesTo (Jack), and (Vera), his wife, and my bessie mateAnd I'll remind you of this repeatedly happy thoughtAll the pubs are open lateToast (Jack) and (Vera)And to finish off, here’s an out-take from this dittyOptional extraRight now, my dance card’s emptyBook now, you won’t have long to waitYou’ll not know what hit you on the dance floorNo, shut up, its not the bloody pubs are open lateIt’s…My husband’s six foot eightThank YouTumultuous Applause, please**Here's a poem by Sir Andrew Motion, the Poet Laureate, entitled Spring Wedding marking the wedding of Will's Dad to Camilla Parker Bowles . Note, he has not written about Will's and Kate's wedding...perhaps I should be the Doggerelist Laureate and when Will is King I think I will be...dead

Spring Wedding

I took your news outdoors, and strolled a whileIn silence on my square of garden-groundWhere I could dim the roar of arguments,Ignore the scandal-flywheel whirring round,

And hear instead the green fuse in the flowerIgnite, the breeze stretch out a shadow-hand

To ruffle blossom on its sticking points,The blackbirds sing, and singing take their stand.

I took your news outdoors, and found the SpringHad honoured all its promises to startDisclosing how the principles of earthCan make a common purpose with the heart.

The heart which slips and sidles like a streamWeighed down by winter-wreckage near its source -But given time, and come the clearing rain,Breaks loose to revel in its proper course.

( I'm required to say again Royal Wedding Poem. Royal Wedding Poem elsewhere