Poem Starting Roses are Red

Albeit Valentines Day is over, a poem starting roses are red is still appropriate because love poems transcend 14/02 or 02/14, and, tonight, on QI, Stephen Fry mentioned a poem...or is it just a couple of lines?... which went " "Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you." ~ Richard B Sheridan.

Isn't that romantic?

I am, truly, a romantic, and a search engine tart, who's been recently courting the Valentine trade. I've just done very well with a blog entry using the plural of Poem Starting Roses are Red and it's fair enough that I've exploited the plural by bringing you the singular as I present just a single verse. This is it

My beautiful roses are redMy gorgeous violets are blueI invite you to my bed......of flowersSo they can admire you

Jon Bratton 2009

Now if you want to see more actual valentine messages, click on the link

Poem Starting Roses Are Red

This 'poem starting roses are red' blog page was inspired by Sheridan but copyright of me

Jon Bratton 2009

Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings

http://loloud.wordpress.com/2008/11/19/life-after-marriage/

Over the years I've written many wedding ceremony humorous readings in rhyming form which tend to 'roast' the couple, collectively and individually and finish off with nice stuff. It is difficult to write something that applies to all couples but parts can apply to most people

For example

Will you (Samantha) buy an expensive dressThat costs more than a week's wagesHide it, and when (Alan) asks if it's newSay 'this? no I've had it for ages'

Will you (Alan) leave up the toilet seatAccording to Man's sacred lawAnd do you promise always to leave the wet towelIn a heap on the bathroom floor

A common theme in Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings is how long it took the Groom to propose

Congratulations (Samantha and Alan )On this your wedding dayWould it happen this Millennium?We've heard some cynics sayHe acted like greased lightningDynamic, you know the kind(9) years is all that it tookFor (Alan) to make up his mind

Let's face it, (Sam) wasn't chooseyShe admits it to herselfNo spring chicken she feared that she'dBe left up on the shelf

Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings continue with a bit about each...this is very specific to the people involved but here's stuff that could apply to most

Despite major differencesThe pair found common groundFor example, his (big bum) matches her (big nose)Or is it the other way round?

They share a love of (foreign hols)They're (XYZ) and (AB) fansLove flourished and so the two of themHatched their wedding plans

While (Samantha) thinks of kissingWhen (Alan's) lips are pursedHis mind is on a can of (Bud )To quench his prodigious thirst

(Samantha's) dad dropped lots of hintsYour own love nest would be niceAnd eventually they moved to (Brentwood Street)(96), to be precise

And there they started begattingAnd all that luvvy dovey stuffThey must have been good coz in no time at all(Samantha) was up the duff

Along came young David and JamesTo make their family completeOr is it? Who knows what'll happenThe honeymoon starts toneet!

Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings usually comment on the main participants and could continue like so

Well, that's the potted historySo all that remains to sayIs thanks a lot (Alan and Samantha)For a really smashin' day

We all agree the bride is beautifulOn the best day of her lifeShe walked down the aisle Miss SpinsterAnd back up it Mrs Wife

And if we didn't thank the bridesmaidsWe really would fail(Sophie and Hannah) you're beautifulLike Princesses from a fairy tale

We should thank best man (Gary)And (Jim), the bride giver awayAnd the mothers (Carole and Margaret)Thanks for all you've done today

And thanks too to (Alan) the groomLooking handsome as can beAnd not forgetting the fat bloke reading the poemSo that's a thanks a lot to me

The ending of Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings should acknowledge the roasting/ribbing and be the nice stuff

We've been so very insultingAnd we apologise for suchHave a very long and happy lifeWe love you very much

orWe're very proud of both of youAnd this we'd like to sayGod bless you both and best of luckOn this your special day

If ending in a toast

Finally, let's raise our glassesTo the stars of the day(Alan and Samantha) may the days and years aheadBe special in every way

Here's a link to more material

Royal Wedding Poem

Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings

Funny Mothers Day Poems

http://crafterskitchen.blogspot.com/2009/02/flippin-women-mothers-day.html

In 26 days it will be Mother's Day so it's time to bring you some of the funny mothers day poems (you be the judge of that) I have written over the years. This first one I wrote yesterday for Boss's day and then I realised it's just as good for mothers, fathers, grandparents, brothers, sisters etc

If Oscars were given to mothers

I'd nominate you

If Olympic medals were won by mothers

Your Gold is overdue

If Nobel Prizes were awarded to mothers

You would have quite a few

If Honorary Degrees were granted to mothers

You'd have some of them too

Mother's Day Poems are given to mothersAnd this is mine to you

Jon Bratton 2009

Funny Mothers Day Poems and Quotes

Funny Mothers Day Poems..are there any other kinds? Well yes, here's one about something very common these days...Grannies looking after Tots

Mum (Mom) you know I (we) rely on youPerhaps more than I (we) oughtBut I (we) really do appreciateAll your love and support

Have a really lovely Mother's DayAnd may all your cards be beautiesHave a nice long rest before resumingYour childminding duties

Which I (we) hope you find rewardingNot in money terms, as suchBut knowing that I (we) and the childrenLove and appreciate you very much

Happy Mother's Day

Jon Bratton c 2006

Yet more Funny Mothers Day Poems what I have written

You're a Queen, Mother(Forgive my clumsiness)Have a right royal dayYour Mummsiness

Jon Bratton c 2004

Funny Mothers Day Poems, very short

Mum, you're very preciousSolid platinumIt's no wonder that I love youTo the maxi-Mum

Jon Bratton c 2004

***

History is litteredWith many heroinesBut none measure up to youMy dear Mummikins

Happy Mummikins Day

Jon Bratton c 2005

More Funny Mothers Day Poems

©

This 'Funny Mothers Day Poems' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009.This material is free to use for personal use but may not be lifted in whole or part by website publishers

Dirty Text Message Jokes

Are you looking for Dirty Text Message Jokes to share with your friends? Not only do we have them but you can send them as SMS messages for free using the Cell Freak's Free Worldwide SMS service. It works with nearly every carrier in every country in the world, and is totally worth checking out here. The dirty jokes are after the jump, but if you're easily offended, remember we called these text messages dirty for a reason! * Murdering your wife isn’t a crime of passion. Premature ejaculation - that's a crime of passion. * How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick. * What’s a male chauvinist pig? A guy who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own. * How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard. * Why didn’t the flasher retire? He decided to stick it out for one more year. * How can you tell a head nurse? She’s the one with the dirty knees. * Why is air a lot like sex? It's no big deal unless you're not getting any. * What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them. * What’s the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits until you're 14 to cum on your face. * What’s the different between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather… kinky is using the whole chicken. * How do you know you’re at a bulimic bachelor party? The cake jumps out of the girl. * What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? The longer you play with them, the harder they get. * Why is a penis the lightest thing in the world? Even a thought can raise it.That's pretty much it, though if you have your own Dirty Text Message Jokes, feel free to add them in the comments!

Bosses Day Poems

http://www.omahaballoon.com/id24.html

'Bosses Day Poems' is a popular search term and Boss's Day, held each year on 16 October, is a big event in USA although even there it is considered by some to be an observance too far.

I've seen it alleged that we observe it in the UK on 24th March but I haven't been able to confirm that.

It is certainly a popular search term and although there are lots of websites seeking the traffic I couldn't find any that actually provide any bosses day poems to speak of.

So to right a wrong I have written some and whilst they are for the free use of individuals for non commercial purposes, woe betide any website publishers who filch this material. I can detect plagiarism and will take action against any theft of intellectual property.

Here goes with my newly created Bosses Day Poems collection... I just rattled them off this morning

Thank you for toleratingMy occasional mistakeAnd for the blind eye you turnWhen I dash in late

Thank you for your guidanceWhen the chips are downAnd for getting no angrierThan a somewhat stern frown

Thank you, in anticipation,For a raise in my payWhich I richly deserveFor sucking up to you in this overblown wayOh, and BossHave a terrific Boss's Day

Jon Bratton 2009

Here's another in my Bosses Day Poems collection

Being the one in chargeIs definitely hardAnd is sometimes thanklessHence this card

Those who work with you

Wish to say

Thank you muchlyOn Boss’s Day

Jon Bratton 2009

Poem # 3 of Bosses Day PoemsYou always give your best

And inspire others to do likewise

That you are appreciated

Should come as no surprise

Your kind of leadership skills

Is a talent, that‘s true...

One that’s appreciated and valued

It’s good working for, and with, you.Happy Boss’s Day

Jon Bratton 2009

Bosses Day Poems continues with this one

You inspire us, encourage us

And protect us from harm

You know when to turn up the heat

And when to stay calm

You direct us and praise us

And keep us on track

Consider this message

A hearty slap on the back

We really appreciate

All that you do and say

This comes with big thanks

To you, Boss, on your Boss's Day

Jon Bratton 2009

Here's the last of my Bosses Day Poems

If Oscars were given to bossesI'd nominate youIf Olympic medals were won by bossesYour Gold is overdueIf Nobel Prizes were awarded to bossesYou would have quite a fewIf Honorary degrees were granted to bossesYou'd have some of them tooThank You Very Much Poems are given to bossesAnd this is mine to you

Jon Bratton 2009

For those seeking more boss appreciation poems here's a link

Bosses Day Poems

Funny Rude Poems

Image from http://www.cafepress.com/tuffkitty/993311

Funny rude poems is another popular search term, I suspect, mainly sought by kids. Stuff I have written is intended to be funny but is probably not rude enough for, or cover the subjects of interest to, the average sub teenager. Anyway here goes the first in my funny rude poems collection

Why a cat is better than a man

A cat needn't be right all of the timeOr leave up the toilet seatOr hog the TV remote controlOr complain if you turn up the heat

Or complain about your motherOr grill you 'bout other cats you've knownOr feel the need to finish your sentencesOr complain if you use the phone

Or say you look better when wearing high heelsOr make jokes at your expenseOr proudly sport a beer bellyYet still flirt o'er the garden fence

Or complain if its dinner comes out of a canOr act like a baby when sickOr need a rottweiler to make it feel machoOr have its brain controlled by its dick

Jon Bratton © 2004

To finish here's some limericks which fit the category of funny rude poems. I didn't write them but I did adapt them to be rude rather than crude

I like blokes, be they Brown, Jones or SmithWell my virtue is mostly a mythCos try as I canI just can't find a manThat it's fun to be virtuous with

A gay chap who lived in KhartoumTook a lesbian up to his roomAnd they argued all nightAbout who had the rightTo do what and with which and to whom

There was a young harlot from KewWho filled her 'little earner' with glue.She said with a grin,"If they pay to get in,They'll pay to get out of it, too."

More funny rude poems

This 'Funny Rude Poems' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009.This material is free to use for personal use but may not be lifted in whole or part by website publishers

Funny Quotes

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.===========================================================When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror.===========================================================Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women.===========================================================Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?===========================================================The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.===========================================================Il bring something funnyer ... so please bookmark this site or subscribe for daily updates !

Best Love Poems

I loved her for that she was beautifulI loved her for that she was beautiful;And that to me she seem'd to be all Nature,And all varieties of things in one:Would set at night in clouds of tears, and riseAll light and laughter in the morning; fearNo petty customs nor appearances;But think what others only dream'd about;And say what others did but think; and doWhat others dared not do: so pure withalIn soul; in heart and act such conscious yetSuch perfect innocence, she made round herA halo of delight. 'Twas these which won me;—And that she never school'd within her breastOne thought or feeling, but gave holidayTo all; and that she made all even mineIn the communion of love: and weGrew like each other, for we loved each other;She, mild and generous as the air in spring;And I, like earth all budding out with love.I Am Not Yours

I am not yours, not lost in you,Not lost, although I long to beLost as a candle lit at noon,Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you stillA spirit beautiful and bright,Yet I am I, who long to beLost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love, put outMy senses, leave me deaf and blind,Swept by the tempest of your love,A taper in a rushing wind.

Dirty text messages

Students of 5th class asked teacher:can we have kids?Teacher replied :Never Boy said to girl :I told you not to worry====================================================A Couple was sittng in tha Garden,Suddnly a Dog and Bitch came and start kissing Boy Janu agar Tum Bura na Mano to Me bhi Grl Ok ok Theek hay but Zara Smbhal kar kahin Kutta Tm ko kat na le. ====================================================We are continuously adding new sweet, cool, cute, best mobile txt, msgs, fwds, and Dirty Text Messages forwards messages. Just read the new Dirty Text Messages and send it to your friends or other people. We are sure that you will like Dirty Text Messages. So please subscribe by email or bookmark this site for daily updates !

Funny Dirty Love Poems

Regular readers will know of my, some would say, obsession, I would say healthy interest, in search engine optimisation.

Funny Dirty Love Poems is a big search term and that's very understandable since, talking of obsession, the internet is truly obsessed with things dirty...dirty but not sexy.

So Funny Sexy Poems is never/rarely searched for and I, in my naivety five years back, created on my verses4cards website a page called Funny Sexy Poems which Google has now dropped. I thought it was taking the moral high ground, even though all the material is very mild mannered...this one, for example, I wrote as the flagship poem for that page

I'd like to scuttle your puttleSpiddle your paddleTickle your wickleAnd twittle your taddleStroodle your doodleCromple your stringBrundle your strundleAnd frondle your ding

See, I told you I'm completely nuts about you

Jon Bratton © 2004

I now realise that Google dropped it because funny sexy poems are never searched for and so I am republishing the material on this funny dirty love poems blog page to reassert my copyright.

Right now, as I write, if you google any part of the above verse you will find it being quoted by an individual on a forum somewhere or on facebook. These individuals would have copied from my webpage before it was dropped. If you want to visit the page yourself click on the link

funny dirty love poems

In parting, here's another in my funny dirty love poems collection

The gift for you, I pondered thusWas a ginormous hippopotamusSo you and I could rideAstrideHis hippo hideWhile sitting on our bottomusAnd, perhaps, since you've got him,I should get one too....Two ...hippopotamiOr we could just do it....like normal peopleli

Adapted by Jon Bratton © 2004 from somewhere

©

This 'Funny Dirty Love Poems' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009.This material is free to use for personal use but may not be lifted in whole or part by website publishers

Short Inspirational Poetry

Short Inspirational Poetry can be used as a Thought of the Day, or woven into an inspirational speech or sermon. It was only 45 years ago that Martin Luther King said

“I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.”

I don’t think even he envisaged a black President in his own children’s lifetime

Here's my ditty entitled

Making a DifferenceA million starfishBy the tide were landedWhen the sun arose, they would die,On the beach, stranded

A boy said he must helpI said the difference you can make is hardly anyIt's a waste of timeThere are just too many

He picked one up and threw it to the seaIn an instance, it was goneWell, he said I think I've made a big difference...To that little one

With due deferenceI joined him,Making a difference

It's just possible that one of those rescued,This is my heartfelt wish,Went on to become the President of the United States....of American StarfishJon Bratton 2008(rhyme by me but based on a traditional concept)I have a dream that this piece of short inspirational poetry will one day be quoted by the first black starfish President in his inaugural speech or,

Mr President, Barack Obama,You are welcome to use it tooGoodness knows, you’ve got a lotOf inspiring work to do

Here's a very very short inspirational poetry piece

The best vitamin for making friends, bar none

B1.More Short Inspirational Poetry

This short inspirational poetry blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009Non commercial use of the material is authorised. It may be published on websites subject to a link back to this blog entry

Funny Birthday Rhymes

Oh alright then, but in the 40 plus age group, who is the fairest of them all?http://timelytidbits.wordpress.com/category/scripture/page/6/ for the image

Let's start this Funny Birthday Rhymes collection with this one by Author Unknown, topped and tailed by me. It is perfect for the Other Half's birthday if you have a perfect Other Half

OH with SOH

(other half with sense of humour)

I came across this birthday rhymeOh Boy, did I larfI wondered 'Is it too riskyTo send to my Other Half ?'

The author said 'it's perfect for an OHBut only if your OH's perfect, do you see?'Well, I thought, my OH is perfectSo that's the poem for me

Of course, I love you darlingYou're a bloody top notch birdAnd when I say you're gorgeousI mean every single wordSo your bum is on the big sideI don't mind a bit of flabIt means that when I'm readyThere's somethin' there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no moreI tell you, I don't careSo long as when I cuddle youI can get my arms round there

No woman who is your ageHas nice round perky breastsThey just lost their battle with gravityBut I know you did your best

I'm tellin' you the truth nowI never tell you liesI think its very sexyThat you've got dimples on your thighsI swear on my nana's graveThe moment that we metI thought you were as good as IWas ever gonna get

And what a perfect choice I madeI've got the perfect OHWith still a body to die forAnd an enormous SOH(I hope!!)

Happy Birthday, darling

(And what a perfect choice I madeIf I'm to believe the rumourYou've still got the body that I die forAnd a terrific sense of humour)

If this is not the perfect funny birthday rhyme for you here's more Funny Birthday Rhymes

©This 'Funny Birthday Rhymes' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009.This material is free to use for personal use but may not be lifted in whole or part by website publishers

Love Poems for Her, a Valentines day messages

Collections of my favorite positive, romantic, and easy to understand love messages for your special someone this Valinetines.1. Funny how things can change so drasticallyFor I admit that I never used to trustThe thought of letting someone closeOnly left me feeling sick with disgustHiding emotions with brutal sarcasmMaking sure my defense was in placeNever letting true emotions showFor I carefully hid my real faceThen that one day you came alongAnd suddenly I realized I could fallTried to keep emotions secret'Cause I knew that I'd want it allWas so scared that you'd hurt meLike everyone I'd trusted beforeNow finally realizing I was wrongFor you're everything I want and more2. Far away, miles apart; Smiles within our hearts.From a distance shadows appearcause our love displays our true wish to be near.Distant "I love you's" I can hear,weeping internally.Far away, miles apart; Destiny will now chart.Days, months, years, I'll never depart.Moonlit nights, bright sunny days, shine down on me like your sweet gentle smile.Oh, how I'd do anything.My nose grows cold for you.I keep a part of you with me,deep within my heart and soul.I'd do anything and everything...Far away, miles apart; Soft tender kisses await.I hear your voice and all the darkness disappearsfor love will always break the chain.I'm staring upon the moon tonight,wishing you here with me.My nose grows cold for you.I keep a part of you with me,deep within my heart and soul.I'd do anything and everythingFor you.For youFor youFor youFor youFor youFor youFor youMy nose grows cold for you.I keep a part of you with me, deep within my heart and soul.Oh, I'd do anything and everything...My nose grows cold for you.I keep a part of you with me, deep within my heart and soul.Oh, I'd do anything and everythingOh, I'd do anything and everything...For youFor youFor youFor youInspired by the song, "Weak in the knees" by: Serena Ry3. Say all the words you want babyBut I'm not breaking downYour words just bounce right off meMy tears are nowhere to be foundYou and I are overThat's road's already been pavedAnd it's too late for you to realizeWhat we had could've been savedNow that your girl dumped youYou say you know how I feelBut don't expect my sympathy'Cause you caught the raw end of that dealYou're begging me to take you backThe tears running down your faceBut the emotions have frozen within meAnd I'm in a different place.A place where I don't have to careAbout how hard you're tryingAnd all I can think as I turn awayIs that for once I'm not crying4. When you shivered in that restroom we used to share.I gave you my shirt to crease, I crossed my arms around your waist.And we dreamt of a better place.... I was always colder.When you approached those men in the streets, off your face.I wished their vile stares away, I took you by your shaky hand.And I'd spent my last pound....So we slept in that shelter?Do you remember?When we went away, and walked the moonlit shore,we got sand between our toes,and we made love in the hotel room,you snored softly in the silence....I told you I loved you?When you never came home that night after we argued, I even phoned your mothers place, and searched the drunken streets.You left that ring I gave you on the sheets.... I kept the receipt.Do you remember when I loved you?I don't remember when you loved...5. No expensive giftsnor pompous aubadecould matchthat tiny note, left in a rushSo infinitely precious:"I love you"Just to showhow much you careand think of mealwaysI'll bring something hotter, just bookmark or subscribe to my email list below for the next update.

Flippin' Women Verses Keep Fit

Has anyone got any keep fit poems or could the budding poets out there write poems, verses to suit cards with these images. Prize for the best submitted

I've found some smashin' Flippin Women Verses

Click on the link

Flippin Women Verses are free to use non commerciallyJon Bratton 2009

Flippin' is the intellectual property of La Pashe and is used here with their express permission

Love SMS Text Messages

Life ends when you stop dreaming,hope ends when you stop believingand love ends when you stop caring.So dream hope and love...Makes Life Beautiful-------------------------------------------------I m going to write on all the bricksI MISS U and i wish that one falls on ur head,so that u knows how it hurtswhen u miss someone special like u-------------------------------------------------How can i spell s_ccess?or H_mble? C_te?or Tr_st, Bea_tif_l?& How can i say I LOVE _?I MISS _?I NEED _?Heyyy!then how can I spend my LIFE without \"U\"-------------------------------------------------(_/)(=.=)(")(")a sweet little rabbit,just like you,because I love you!!kisses...-------------------------------------------------Do u know abt d things which live after death?Eyes- 31mins,Brain - 10 mins,legs - 4 hrs,Skin - 5 days,Heart - 10 mins,Bones - 30 days,LOVE - FOREVER-------------------------------------------------How Much Love In Your Heart....?CHOOOOOSE...100 % ( Call Me)50 % ( Sms Me )25 % ( Only A Ring)0 % (NO Answer)Regards !!!!!-------------------------------------------------Sometimes My eyesget jealous of my Heart!!!You Know Why?Bcoz.....You Always Remainclose to my HEARTn far from my EYES.

Dirty Text Messages

Latest / New Dirty Text Messages, Dirty SMS Messages, Dirty Jokes. Full of Fun Short Dirty Jokes, Dirty Text Messages & Dirty SMS Collection.a family of 3 prossies live togetherthe mum charges £30 4 a bj the daughter charges £60 + the gran is just glad of a warm drinkjack and jill went up the hill so jack could lick jill's fanny, but poor jack's gob was filled with knob cos jill's a fuckin tranny!Q: whats a 65 yr old woman got betwwen her legs that a 25 yr old a'int?A: nipples.Man goes to the doctors after being raped by an elephant. Doctor says funny that your ass is 10" wide but an elephant's cock is only 3" wide, The man replies yes but the bastard fingered me first!sex is like a maths test: me plus u subtracked the cloths add the bed divied the legs multiply the orgasms fancy a maths test??Roses R red, Pickeles R green, Open ur legs, I'll lick U clean.The fanny poemThis is a hole that never heals, the more you rub it the better it feels, and all the soap from here to hell can never get rid of that fuckin smell!sex is goodsex is classwhip me babyspank my arsedoggy style 69lick me outmake me smileif u want me in the saclick ur lips and txt me backWhy is a woman like a bucket of KFC?Because once your past the tender breast and the juicey thigh all u have left is a greasy box to put your bone in!Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok"After great sex she lies there stroking his *beep*, he looks at her and asks if she wants more sex, she looks back at him and says "no im just admirin ur *beep* cuz i really miss mine"John & Jim were having anal sex when John says "I've AIDS". "Dear God" cries Jim. "Only messing says John, I just love the way u tighten your arse when I say it"there is hot sex.fast sex.group sex.safe sex.leather sex.telephone sex and for people wiv a face like urs theres.............masturbationLatest porn releases:shaving private ryan.position impossible.as big as it gets.forest hump.riding miss daisy.starwhores and pornocchioMr&Mrs Blobby r lyin in bed 1 nite Mrs Bloby turns 2 mr bloby & says 'bluba lluba lupblub' mr bloby turns & says 'shut the fuck up and swallow bitch!The weight of an average pair of tits is 1.5 kg. Scientists have yet 2 work out the average weight of a cunt. So if u could pop on the scales and ring me back..When I was a girl I had a little quim. I sat upon my bed one nite & put a finger in. Now I'm a woman and full of grace & Charm. I can get 4 fingers in & half my FUCKING armoral sex can be so finewhen ur in a 69u start 2 moanshake & quivertil u cum like a riverwhen ur donedon't be insanejust wipe ur knob & start againWhat's the difference between your job and your wife?Your job stillsucks after five years! If you like it, please visit us daily or subscribe for the latest updates !

Flippin Women Verses

Flippin' Women was launched today.

Could you write a poem, verse for an image such as this? There are 20 images in the Flippin' women range..you'll find them here http://www.lapashe.com/Prize for the best poems, verses submitted

Here's one for the lady who has just got up

©

This 'Flippin Women Verses' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009.

This material is free to use for personal use but may not be lifted in whole or part by website publishers

Flippin' is the intellectual property of La Pashe and is used here with their express permission

Valentine SMS / Text Messages

Valentine day 2009 will be celebrated on 14 Feb 2009, it’s celebrated every year around the world.As the increasing trends of mobile / cell phones, peoples have selected sms / text messages as a medium to send valentine sms, valentine messages, valentine text greetings, valentine quotes sms and valentine day messages. Hindi valentine SMS and urdu valentine sms messages are very popular among asian peoples.Cupid 2 represent valentines dayI don’t understand why Cupidwas chosen to represent Valentine’s Day.When I think about romance,the last thing on my mind is a short,chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.O my dear ValentineO my dear ValentineWhats life ?Life is love.Whats love ?Love is kissing.Whats kissing ?Come here and I show you.No poems no fancy wordsNo poems no fancy wordsI just want the world to knowthat I LOVE YOU my Princess with all my heart.Happy Valentines Day.Click meansC.L.I.C.K. means : C= cant live without uL= love uI= i miss uC= care about uK= kiss from my heart 2 uSo whenever u miss me just say CLICK

Valentine's day poem

Monsignore,Right Reverend Bishop Valentinus,Sometime of Interamna, which is called Ferni,Now of the delightful Court of Heaven,I respectfully salute you,I genuflectAnd I kiss your episcopal ring. It is not, Monsignore,The fragrant memory of your holy life,Nor that of your shining and joyous martyrdom,Which causes me now to address you.But since this is your august festival, Monsignore,It seems appropriate to me to stateAccording to a venerable and agreeable custom,That I love a beautiful lady.Her eyes, Monsignore,Are so blue that they put lovely little blue reflectionsOn everything that she looks at,Such as a wallOr the moonOr my heart.It is like the light coming through blue stained glass,Yet not quite like it,For the blueness is not transparent,Only translucent.Her soul's light shines through,But her soul cannot be seen.It is something elusive, whimsical, tender, wanton, infantile, wiseAnd noble.She wears, Monsignore, a blue garment,Made in the manner of the Japanese.It is very blue-I think that her eyes have made it more blue,Sweetly staining itAs the pressure of her body has graciously given it form.Loving her, Monsignore,I love all her attributes;But I believeThat even if I did not love herI would love the blueness of her eyes,And her blue garment, made in the manner of the Japanese. Monsignore,I have never before troubled you with a request.The saints whose ears I chiefly worry with my pleasare the most exquisite and maternal Brigid,Gallant Saint Stephen, who puts fire in my blood,And your brother bishop, my patron,The generous and jovial Saint Nicholas of Bari.But, of your courtesy, Monsignore,Do me this favour:When you this morning make your wayTo the Ivory Throne that bursts into bloom with rosesbecause of her who sits upon it,When you come to pay your devoir to Our Lady,I beg you, say to her:"Madame, a poor poet, one of your singing servants yet on earth,Has asked me to say that at this moment he is especially grateful to youFor wearing a blue gown".

Funny Mothers Day Poem

http://www.bible.ca/marriage/marriage-myths-raising-children.htm

Funny Mothers Day Poem

Hooray,Mothers DayUKIs on its way

Here's the link to

Funny Mothers Day Poems

then come back for this funny Mothers Day poemLittle James is sent to bed by his mother...Five minutes later, he says "Mum..." "What?" says she"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?""No James. You had your chance. Let it be"Five minutes later "Mum..." "WHAT?" "I'm thirsty...Can I have a glass of water??" says he"I told you NO! If you ask againI'll spank you over my knee!!"Five minutes later "Mummm..." "WHAT??!!"(Getting annoyed, knowing she shouldn’t oughta)"Mum, when you come in to spank me,Can you bring me a glass of water?"Here's another funny Mothers Day poemAs a kid, I was troublesome, bothersome, burdensome,Wearisome, quarrelsome, and tiresomeIn the lottery of life, I scoredI'm soooo glad you were so Mum-some

Another Funny Mothers Day Poem

©This 'Funny Mothers Day Poem' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009.This material is free to use for personal use but may not be lifted in whole or part by website publishers

Funny SMS

Your Funny SMS colection for today :1. Meaning of ValentineDo u know what r the meanings of VALENTINEAns: You'r V:veryE:eminentL:lovelyE:energeticN:niceT:tamizdarI:inteligentN:nobleE:everloving2. When i open my eyes every morning When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only i suffer!!! 3. When I was born Devil said..When I was born Devil said...Oh Shit!!! Another GOD!!!..& When u were born devil said ...Oh Shit!!!!Competition...!!! ....4. Fill in the blank...Im ur .....friend- a)-Cute b)-Sweet c)-Loving d)-Boy/Girl e)-Best of all Reply is a must...5. If ur world is spining Round & Round.If ur world is spining Round & Round..& Round....Ur heart is beating fast ,do u think its LOVE? na Munna na its called high B/P...

Love SMS

Your love sms colection for today:1. Without Love -- dayz are Without Love -- dayz are"Sadday,moanday,tearsday,wasteday,thirstday,frightday,shatterday... so be in Luv everyday...2. Life ends when you stop dreamingLife ends when you stop dreaming, hope ends when you stop believing and love ends when you stop caring. So dream hope and love...Makes Life Beautiful3. Time will always flyTime will always fly, but our love will never die. Keep in touch and remeber me4. When You give your heart When time comes for u to give ur heart to someone, make sure u select someone who will never break ur heart, cuz broken hearts has never spare parts.5. If 10 people care 4 u If 10 people care 4 u, one of them is me, if 1 person cares 4 u that would be me again, if no 1 cares 4 u that means i m not in this world.

Dirty SMS

Your dirty sms colection for today :1. Man Teases his ex-wife's new husband: So, dude how was the second-hand stuff?New husband: Not bad. After the first 3 inches, she was brand new.2. Prof teaching muscle movement, asks a lady: Do you know what your asshole does when you have an orgasm?Lady: Sure, he's at the office, working!3. UR msgs r like a Girl's Period, comes once a month for 3-4days & disappears. But My msgs r like a Man's Sperms that come Daily or Twice a Day. So msg like a Man.4. A loving husband tattooed I LOVE U on his dick n showed it to his wife. She replied: "This is ur old habit of Putting Words Into My Mouth...!"5. What's the geographical definition of sex?It's an action done by Pol-land into Hol-land between Thai-land, occasionally with a little help from Greece!If you like it, please subscribe or come back again to see the lates updates !

Funny SMS Messages

A good discussion is like a MINI SKIRT. Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject. School Mein Ishq Ka Naya Mahool Tyar Ho Gaya, Class Ki Teacher Ko Papu Se Pyar Ho Gaya. Iss Baat Se Sari Class Ka Dil Udas Ho Gaya, Sari Class Fail, Aur..... Papu Pass Ho Gaya.... Aapke dil me basjayenge SMS ki tarah.,., Dil me bajenge RING TONE ki tarah.,., Dosti kum nahi hongi BALANCE ki tarah.,., Sirf aap busy na rehana NETWORK ki tarah..... Suraj se achha Tara koi nahi, Jaisa hai Rishta humaraa dusraa koi nahi! Chahe saari duniyaa me dhund lo; Mere jaisa Pyaraa, aur Tere jaisa Aawaraa aur koi nahi!! Ever wondered y v hav gaps between our fingers ..... So dat 1 day u meet someone who cums n tels u " ye le cigrette pee le" Harbhajan ne apni Biwi se puchha, "Kya main tumhara pehla pyar hoon?" BIWI Boli, "Kar di na sardaro wali baat, SPINNER ko kabhi opening milti hai...(your SMS Gateway For Bulk SMS Jokes) kanjoos ki zindagi kya jeena.. kabhi humari tarah bhi jiya karo.. roz mere sms padh kar sharam nahi aati.. kabhi khud bhi sms kiya karo.. A boy proposed a girl in new way:- Tu pudine ki chatni, main paneer tika. Ban ja meri RAKHI SAWANT aur mai tera MIKA . . Apne roz humse nai umeed laga rakhi hai, apne dil me asha ki KIRAN jaga rakhi hai, hum roz kahan se naye msgs bhejen, hum ne kya sms ki factory laga rakhi hai. Good Unerdtsanding Btewene Ecah Ohter Is Rael FierndSihp! Eevn If We Hvae So Mnay MsiUnerdsantndig Lkie Tish Msseaeg, Btu i Konw U Cna Raed WtihOtu Msitkae Past is experience! Present is experiment! Future is expectation! Use ur experience in ur experiment 2 acheive ur expectations & enjoy life...!Interviewer : Tell me the opposite of good.Sardar : Bad.Interviewer : Come.Sardar : Go.Interviewer : Ugly.Sardar : Pichlli.Interviewer : U G L Y?Sardar : PICHLLY !!!!!!!Interviewer : Shut Up.Sardar : Keep Talking.Interviewer : Get Out.Sardar : Come In.Interviewer : Oh my God.Sardar : Oh my Devil.Interviewer : U r Rejected.Sardar : I am Selected. BALLE BALLLEIf you like it , please subscribe or come back again for latest updates !

Flirty Text Messages

Flirty text messages is good way to flirt and have fun with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Here I have collected some of the best Flirty SMS/Text Messages for Txt Flirt. Feel free to forward these mesages to your Beloved one. If you have some flirt text messages (hindi, English or Urdu),then feel free to submit it here by leaving your comment below and it will be submitted here with your name within a day.LotusTulipOrchidSunflowerJasminLillyAll flowers r sweet but they have no comparison with u,Kyun KGobhi K phool ki baat hi alag hai.I never thought that you would ever do that everything we had is gonesaid you loved me said never leave me maybe you just heard your wrongcause im damaged, im damaged, don’t know what to do, babyim damaged so, so damaged because of you. Do u know whats A B C D E F G?A Boy Can Do Everything For GirlNow reverse da order, can u guess the full form of: G F E D C B A ?Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again. Deewane Hai Tere Naam Ke Is Baatse Inkar Nahi,Kaise Kahe Ki Hamein Aapse Pyar Nahi,Kuch To Kasoor Hai Aapki NigahonkaHum Akele To Gunehgaar Nahi… Loving you could take my life, but when I look into your eyes, I know you're worth that sacrafice! Shaadi k pehle ladka: Darling!! tum nahi to mai nahi... Aur mai nahi to tum nahi...Shaadi k bad ladka: Aj ya tan tu nahi ya mai nahi! Feelings are many but words are few, clouds are dark but sky is blue; Luv is a paper, life is glue, every thing is false, only My Luv is TRUE. To forget you is hard to do and to forget me is up to you. Forget me not, forget me never. Forget this text, but not the sender. Why do U think I SMS u ?Is it because I care ? Or I miss u ?Or I love u ? Or I need You ? No ! It's b'coz...I need a person for just time pass I m getting married next month.... its small party and only few people will be invited...... dont bring any gift.....just bring someone who ll marry me. if people say ur crazyBe Patient.Ur Monkey,Be Relax.Ur stubid,Be coo.But if TheySay U R Smart,(Thapar LaganaAur Bolna Mazak karne Ki BE Had Hoti Hai. I've seen angels in the sky,I've seen snow fall in July,I've seen things you could only imagine to see or do,But I still haven't seen anything sweeter than you! 1+1=2 eyes look at u...12+12=24 hours thinking about u...3+4=7 days in week missing u...1+11=12 months I always need A SWEET PERSON like U. I love you more today than I did yesterday, but not as much as I will tomorow. Ek bar karo na plz.. kisi ko pata nahi chalega.. plz karo naaa........ muje acha lage ga... ek bar hamari dosti ki khatri kar do na plzz... ek pyara sa SMS!!! If love is water, I'll give u the ocean. If kisses are spaces, I'll give u the universe... If heat was your love and care, how I wish the sun was beside me... Can you see me? no? Turn around, can you see me now? no? Turn again, can you see me now? I can see you because you have a special place in my heart! MY EYES MISS UMY FELLINGS LOVE UMY HANDS NEED UMY MIND CALL U MY HEART JUST 4 UMY LIFE IS UI WILL DIE WITHOUT UI LOVE UAISA MERI MAMA MUJH KHETI HAIN . I want you,to be with me in a nice Restaurantto have candle light dinner…. &to say those sweet three words to U…....“Pay The Bill” Dil hai tera dariyaa, Aankhen hain teri JheelSo my darling … What’s The Big-Deal? When are you going to marry me?I can’t live without you.I love you dear, marry me within this month otherwise i will die.See, how Aishwarya Rai messaged me! Silly girl. A smile gives red colour 2 ur cheeks,White 2 ur teeth,Pink colour 2 ur lips,Silver colour 2 ur eyes,So keep smiling&enjoy the colours of life 12345123456789101112Very good!Intelligent Ho!Kal A-B-C-D sikhenge... i look at the moonthe moon is beautifuli look at youi..i...i rather look at the moon again Keeping a place for me in ur heart is ok, but keeping a place for me in your mind might be dangerous because people say... I’m Mind Blowing! U luk sweet when u read my message. U luk sweeter when u read my message & smile. U luk sweetest when u read my message, smile & reply. So, try to look sweetest. I think you are very careless! U come & leave things behind! See now what u have left? U just came in my mind and left a smile on my face.If yo like it , please subscribe or come back again for the latest updates !

Cute Text Messages

Cute Text Messages - This page has strict focus on all Cute Text Messages to send to your friends. Feel free to forward these unique Cute Text Messages collection to your near and dear ones.The sun had risen from the east & birds r singing happily & butterflies R around the flowers. It is time to wake up & give a big yawning & say gd morning to u..A memory is golden, maybe that is true. I never wanted memories. I only wanted you sweet as a rose, cute as a kitten is what you are.Donon EYES PEDonon CHEEKS PEDO BAR LIPS PEIK BAR NECK PEDO BAR NECK SE ZRA NEECHESONE sy pehleCold cream ZAROOR LAGAIN.. Boy: BUS aur Girlsaik jaisi hoti hain,1 jaati hai to doosri aa jati hai. Girl: Auto Rickshaw aur Boysek jaisay hotay hain,1 ko bulao 4 chale aate hain . Sathi srf woh he nahi hota jo zindagi bhr saath nibhay; Sathi to woh bhi hai jo jevan ke kuch palon mein bhi jevan bhr ka saath de jaaye. Flowers die,Stories End,Songs Fade,Memories are forgotten,All things come to End,But,"Precious People" Like "You"Are always remembered. Friendship is a silent gift of nature..More old .. more strong..More deep.. more clear..More close.. more warm..Less words.. more understanding When God opened the door of heaven, He saw me & asked what is ur wish 4 2day. I said lord plz take care of the1 reading this message. Loving is not how u forget but how u forgive, not how u listen but how u understand, not what u see but how u feel, and not how u let go but how u hold on. I ask Allah 2 make u happy, make u smile, guide u safely, though every mile, grant u wealth, give u health & most of all grant u paradise. Always take extra care of 3 things in ur life:* Trust..* Promise..* Relation..Bcoz they dont make noise when they break..!!If you like it , please subscribe or come back again for daily updates !

Love Quotes

Are you looking for sweet love quotes to send to your loved one. Then you come to right place baby. This page provide some of the best Cute And Sweet Quotes. Use these cute sweet love quotes and maked your loved one feel happy and express your love.For one human being to love another:that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks;the ultimate, the last test and proof,the work for which all other work is but preparation. ----Rainer Maria RilkeWhen you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out. ----Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973) Love is everything it's cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. -----Erica JongWild Nights! Wild Nights! were I with theeWild Nights would be our luxury.Futile the winds to a heart in port, Gone with the compassGone with the chart--Rowing in Eden.Ah the Sea! Might I but moor-- Tonight in thee ------Emily DickinsonFor one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. -----Rainer Maria RilkeLove can make you do things that you never thought possible! ---- Phil CollinsLove and electricity are one in the same, my dear. If you do not feel the jolt in your soul every time a kiss is shared, a whisper is spoken, a touch is felt, then your not really in love at all. ------ C. J. FranksIf you don't love yourself, How can you expect someone else to love you??????The world is too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love.We can never really love anybody with whom we never laugh.Love is in the giver, not the gift. ---- William Sloan CoffinA life’s worth, in the end, isn’t measured in hours, or dollars. It’s measured by the amount of love exchanged along the way.----- Douglas C. MeansLove is like an hourglass with the heart filling up as the brain empties.----- Jules RenardI recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.------ David BissonetteThe glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him.------Ralph Waldo EmersonTrying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never even knew.Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.- AristotleIf you like this, please subscribe or come back daily to see the latest updates !

Dirty Text messages

a family of 3 prossies live togetherthe mum charges £30 4 a bj the daughter charges £60 + the gran is just glad of a warm drink jack and jill went up the hill so jack could lick jill's fanny, but poor jack's gob was filled with knob cos jill's a fuckin tranny! Q: whats a 65 yr old woman got betwwen her legs that a 25 yr old a'int?A: nipples. Man goes to the doctors after being raped by an elephant. Doctor says funny that your ass is 10" wide but an elephant's cock is only 3" wide, The man replies yes but the bastard fingered me first! sex is like a maths test: me plus u subtracked the cloths add the bed divied the legs multiply the orgasms fancy a maths test?? Roses R red, Pickeles R green, Open ur legs, I'll lick U clean. The fanny poemThis is a hole that never heals, the more you rub it the better it feels, and all the soap from here to hell can never get rid of that fuckin smell! sex is good sex is class whip me babyspank my arsedoggy style 69 lick me out make me smile if u want me in the saclick ur lips and txt me back Why is a woman like a bucket of KFC?Because once your past the tender breast and the juicey thigh all u have left is a greasy box to put your bone in!Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok" After great sex she lies there stroking his *beep*, he looks at her and asks if she wants more sex, she looks back at him and says "no im just admirin ur *beep* cuz i really miss mine" John & Jim were having anal sex when John says "I've AIDS". "Dear God" cries Jim. "Only messing says John, I just love the way u tighten your arse when I say it" there is hot sex.fast sex.group sex.safe sex.leather sex.telephone sex and for people wiv a face like urs theres.............masturbationLatest porn releases:shaving private ryan.position impossible.as big as it gets.forest hump.riding miss daisy.starwhores and pornocchioMr&Mrs Blobby r lyin in bed 1 nite Mrs Bloby turns 2 mr bloby & says 'bluba lluba lupblub' mr bloby turns & says 'shut the fuck up and swallow bitch!The weight of an average pair of tits is 1.5 kg. Scientists have yet 2 work out the average weight of a cunt. So if u could pop on the scales and ring me back..When I was a girl I had a little quim. I sat upon my bed one nite & put a finger in. Now I'm a woman and full of grace & Charm. I can get 4 fingers in & half my FUCKING arm oral sex can be so finewhen ur in a 69u start 2 moanshake & quivertil u cum like a riverwhen ur done don't be insanejust wipe ur knob & start again What's the difference between your job and your wife?Your job stillsucks after five years!

Funny text messages

6 things can come at any time:In our life time6 things can come at any time:1.love2.friendship3.money4.death5.illness---6.susu: isliye karke sona .Oh shitt.. jal gaya:pWhat was GOD’s First Reactionwhen he made a Negro(African)?Socho…Dont know..Oh! shit jal gaya!!We will buy new wedding wringGirlfriend:It’s 2 tightBoyfriend:Don’t worry,I’ll put it slowly,Girlfriend:Push it in,Boyfriend:Ah..I can’t,Girlfriend:It’s painful,Boyfriend:Forget it.....We’ll buy new WEDDING RING!An Aeroplane asks a RocketAn Aeroplane asks a RocketHow is that you can fly so fast?The Rocket replies you will know the painwhen they put fire at your back!

Love SMS Text Messages

Life ends when you stop dreaming,hope ends when you stop believingand love ends when you stop caring.So dream hope and love...Makes Life Beautiful-------------------------------------------------I m going to write on all the bricksI MISS U and i wish that one falls on ur head,so that u knows how it hurtswhen u miss someone special like u-------------------------------------------------How can i spell s_ccess?or H_mble? C_te?or Tr_st, Bea_tif_l?& How can i say I LOVE _?I MISS _?I NEED _?Heyyy!then how can I spend my LIFE without \"U\"-------------------------------------------------(_/)(=.=)(")(")a sweet little rabbit,just like you,because I love you!!kisses...-------------------------------------------------Do u know abt d things which live after death?Eyes- 31mins,Brain - 10 mins,legs - 4 hrs,Skin - 5 days,Heart - 10 mins,Bones - 30 days,LOVE - FOREVER-------------------------------------------------How Much Love In Your Heart....?CHOOOOOSE...100 % ( Call Me)50 % ( Sms Me )25 % ( Only A Ring)0 % (NO Answer)Regards !!!!!-------------------------------------------------Sometimes My eyesget jealous of my Heart!!!You Know Why?Bcoz.....You Always Remainclose to my HEARTn far from my EYES.if you like it, please subscribe or camo back again for the latest updates !

Dirty Text Messages

Dear friend!Do you take me2 b your lawful text mate,2 have & 2 hold,4 dirty quotes or saucy jokes,in text messagingn in poor signal,till low battery do us part?If you like it, please subscribe or come back again for the latest updates !

Adult Jokes [SMS]

☻Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breasttuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches dbreats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!☻Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Upabove the chest so high, always milky never dry. Letme suck you, dont feel shy. ☻Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of yourbreasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let metake a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged☻The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck thelouder the scream,louder the scream the better thefuck,give me a ring u might be in luck ☻Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos shelifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2stones with the help of a crane. ☻A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.☻Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:gotmy nose in her armpit. Now what?☻rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls inriver.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?wherevatherZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock☻LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES ACREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`TWAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSHI will bring something HOT ! Just Hopping you will come back ! or subscribe by email !

Funny Jokes [SMS]

☻We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!☻I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING☻All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.☻If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.☻When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.☻Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.☻Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.☻Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!☻Sorry, I don't date outside my species.☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!☻First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.☻Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.☻Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!☻Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.☻Bad sex is better then a good day in school.☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!☻Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…☻Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......☻My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...☻Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?☻I took an IQ test and the results were negative.☻Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…☻If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…☻Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!☻Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!☻It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do."☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.☻Why were males created before females?Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.☻I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.☻Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?A:About 45 pounds!!☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?A: There have been sightings of UFOs.☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?How do you breathe through that thing?☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?Popeye beat the crap outta him.☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.Employee: Who's there?Boss: Not you anymore.☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?Magnets have a positive side!☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?A: What, what?☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?He was looking for Pooh!☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?You don't, you've told her twice already!☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?A: Her IQ goes up.☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?Only one. To slam the car boot shut.☻For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.☻Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.☻Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!☻What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?A: We don't know. Never happens.☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?A: An f****ing know it all.☻ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.☻ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.☻ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...☻I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.☻ It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.☻ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?☻ Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.☻ You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.I will bring something hot! Hope you will come back or subscribe by email !

What is the Quickest Way to Heal a Cut

What is the Quickest Way to Heal a Cut?

Those who are regulars readers will know that the only reason I am covering this seemingly bizarre subject is because the topic 'what is the quickest way to heal a cut' must be commonly searched for but not well catered for.This is true but I accepted the challenge to see whether I could give good advice in rhyme, so here goes

The best way to clean a cut, scrapeOr puncture wound (such as from a nail)Is under a running tapOr with cool water from a pail

Use soap and a soft washcloth to clean the skinBut keep soap out of the wound. Any why?Because soap can cause irritation.Ever had some in your eye?

Bleeding helps clean out wounds.So bleeding is goodIt stops quickly although bleeding is longer on the faceWhich is more rich in blood

To stop the bleeding, apply firmBut gentle pressure, at the causeWith a clean cloth or tissueOr a piece of gauze.

If the blood soaks through the gauze or clothDon't take it off.Just apply more pressureAnd add another cloth on top

If your wound is on an arm or leg,Raising it above your heartWill help slow the bleedingRight from the start.

If the wound needs coveringUse gauze and tape, Band-Aid or stallIf the wound won’t get dirty or be rubbed by clothingIt’ll heal quicker if not covered at all

Antibiotic ointments help healingBy keeping out infection and keeping the wound clean .A bandage does pretty much the same thingWithout needing antibiotic cream

Cuts to the skin are rarely painfulThough lots of blood may make you feel sickBut if you follow the advice just givenComplete healing will be quick

If you want a second opinion follow this link

What is the Quickest Way to Heal a Cut

This 'What is the Quickest Way to Heal a Cut' poem is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

Romantic Valentine Messages

St. Valentine's Day themed poems, just now being the normHere's some romantic Valentine messages, in rhyming form

I love you from the bottom of my heart.Be mine forever.Let’s live to the fullAnd grow old together

I am so happy we met!I’m yours. You’re mineYou mean the world to me!Please be my Valentine

Romantic Valentine Messages

My darling, you bring joy to my life.How blessed am I, that you’re my wifeRoses are red,Violets are blueYou’ve opened the doors of my heart.Now walk on through

Love you loads and will always do.We’re joined together by powerful glue

You’re the pillar of my lifeAnd will always beI was so blessedWhen you were sent here for me

More Romantic Valentine Messages

©

This 'Romantic Valentine Messages' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009.This material is free to use for personal use but may not be lifted in whole or part by website publishers

Happy Birthday SMS

Your birthday is the perfect day to say I care, because you will remeber me when u certainly make it a big affair, and when you do hold a party... I bet you will be the one who would care - to make ur special day a costly affair!!!!Go my sweet SMS Sweet Friend k paas, Sweet Galyoon sey ho ker, Sweet Style k saath, Sweet Smile k sath, Sweet Mode k saath, Sweet sey Andaz me kehna!~HAPPY BIRTH DAY~!If you liked it, come back daily or subscribe by email to get the latest updates !

Good Night SMS Collection

If you are looking for Good Night SMS Text Messages, then you came the right place. This page provides you some of the best and romantic Goodnight texts and msg to send to your friends, girlfriend or boyfriend . Feel free to use these gd nite text msgs to sms your near and dear ones.It's a lovely msg to a lovely person from a lovely friend on a lovely reason at lovely time from a lovely mind in a lovely style to say u good night.somewhere out there beneath the pale moon light someone think in of u some where out there where dreams come true... goodnite & sweet dreams 2 you.On this cold cold nite,in My small small ROOm,i Look At The Brite Brite StArS iN tHe DaRk DaRk sKy & DrEaM of YouR sWeet sWeet SmiLe on ur CuTe CuTe FaCe! GdNiTe!Hai Moon! Dim Your Light...Hello Wind ! Breeze soft..Hai flower! Blossom Slowly..Hello Earth! spin gently..Becoze My Dear friend is going to sleep!...Good Night. A day is going to end again. It is nice to have a friend like U making my everyday seems so great. Thank U my good friend lastly gd nite n sweet dreams...I was looking out the windows thinking about the person I care most & the person that came into my mind is U so juz wanna wish u good nite.......At this moment 3.7 Millions are sleeping,2.3 Millions are falling in Love,4.1 Million are eating & only one cute person in the whole world is reading my SMS....Good Night!!!Good night my very special friend,I pray you lay in rest,And may tomorrow bring you,Much love and happiness.do not think of me...i m in ur eyes. (good nite sms)Night doesnt become beautiful with star studded sky & full moon,It becomes beautiful when u go to sleep and let stars & moon admire ur innocence..Good night,,,Don't let little things get you down. You've got many big reasons to look up to God and say thanks tonight. Tomorrow, it's going to be a great day.The star are out,the moon is up,one more hug,one more smile,kiss u once,kiss u twice,Now its time 4 bed,Close ur @@,And sleep tight!!GOOD NIGHT!! Bindas sone ka,Rapchik sapne dekhne ka,Bhoot ko nahi dekhne ka,Boleto….. Aina nahi dekhne ka,Aur blanket odh ke fultus so jane ka,Boleto Good Night. (Good Night SMS) Dont ever give up wen u r down..it doesnt matter if u fall many tyms..jst remember that each time u fall ..il nvr let u reach d ground..trust me..il always be around.gudnyt..u Name 3 characteristics 4 me out of 1. Arrogant 2. Sweet 3. Egoistic 4. Lively 5. Playful 6. smart 7. Honest 8. Shy 9. Confident 10.Hyper Be Honest while you reply. Good Night I hope you like these GoodNight SMS Text Messages. Don't forget to share these sms messages with your friends, boyfriend or girlfriend.

Cute Text Messages

The sun had risen from the east & birds r singing happily & butterflies R around the flowers. It is time to wake up & give a big yawning & say gd morning to u..A memory is golden, maybe that is true. I never wanted memories. I only wanted you sweet as a rose, cute as a kitten is what you are.Donon EYES PEDonon CHEEKS PEDO BAR LIPS PEIK BAR NECK PEDO BAR NECK SE ZRA NEECHESONE sy pehleCold cream ZAROOR LAGAIN.. Boy: BUS aur Girlsaik jaisi hoti hain,1 jaati hai to doosri aa jati hai. Girl: Auto Rickshaw aur Boysek jaisay hotay hain,1 ko bulao 4 chale aate hain . Sathi srf woh he nahi hota jo zindagi bhr saath nibhay; Sathi to woh bhi hai jo jevan ke kuch palon mein bhi jevan bhr ka saath de jaaye. Flowers die,Stories End,Songs Fade,Memories are forgotten,All things come to End,But,"Precious People" Like "You"Are always remembered. Friendship is a silent gift of nature..More old .. more strong..More deep.. more clear..More close.. more warm..Less words.. more understanding When God opened the door of heaven, He saw me & asked what is ur wish 4 2day. I said lord plz take care of the1 reading this message. Loving is not how u forget but how u forgive, not how u listen but how u understand, not what u see but how u feel, and not how u let go but how u hold on. I ask Allah 2 make u happy, make u smile, guide u safely, though every mile, grant u wealth, give u health & most of all grant u paradise. Always take extra care of 3 things in ur life:* Trust..* Promise..* Relation..Bcoz they dont make noise when they break..!!

Flirty Text Messages

Flirty text messages is good way to flirt and have fun with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Here I have collected some of the best Flirty SMS/Text Messages for Txt Flirt. Feel free to forward these mesages to your Beloved one. If you have some flirt text messages (hindi, English or Urdu),then feel free to submit it here by leaving your comment below and it will be submitted here with your name within a day.LotusTulipOrchidSunflowerJasminLillyAll flowers r sweet but they have no comparison with u,Kyun KGobhi K phool ki baat hi alag hai.I never thought that you would ever do that everything we had is gonesaid you loved me said never leave me maybe you just heard your wrongcause im damaged, im damaged, don’t know what to do, babyim damaged so, so damaged because of you. Do u know whats A B C D E F G?A Boy Can Do Everything For GirlNow reverse da order, can u guess the full form of: G F E D C B A ?Girls Forgets Everything Done & Catches(new) Boy Again. Deewane Hai Tere Naam Ke Is Baatse Inkar Nahi,Kaise Kahe Ki Hamein Aapse Pyar Nahi,Kuch To Kasoor Hai Aapki NigahonkaHum Akele To Gunehgaar Nahi… Loving you could take my life, but when I look into your eyes, I know you're worth that sacrafice! Shaadi k pehle ladka: Darling!! tum nahi to mai nahi... Aur mai nahi to tum nahi...Shaadi k bad ladka: Aj ya tan tu nahi ya mai nahi! Feelings are many but words are few, clouds are dark but sky is blue; Luv is a paper, life is glue, every thing is false, only My Luv is TRUE. To forget you is hard to do and to forget me is up to you. Forget me not, forget me never. Forget this text, but not the sender. Why do U think I SMS u ?Is it because I care ? Or I miss u ?Or I love u ? Or I need You ? No ! It's b'coz...I need a person for just time pass I m getting married next month.... its small party and only few people will be invited...... dont bring any gift.....just bring someone who ll marry me. if people say ur crazyBe Patient.Ur Monkey,Be Relax.Ur stubid,Be coo.But if TheySay U R Smart,(Thapar LaganaAur Bolna Mazak karne Ki BE Had Hoti Hai. I've seen angels in the sky,I've seen snow fall in July,I've seen things you could only imagine to see or do,But I still haven't seen anything sweeter than you! 1+1=2 eyes look at u...12+12=24 hours thinking about u...3+4=7 days in week missing u...1+11=12 months I always need A SWEET PERSON like U. I love you more today than I did yesterday, but not as much as I will tomorow. Ek bar karo na plz.. kisi ko pata nahi chalega.. plz karo naaa........ muje acha lage ga... ek bar hamari dosti ki khatri kar do na plzz... ek pyara sa SMS!!! If love is water, I'll give u the ocean. If kisses are spaces, I'll give u the universe... If heat was your love and care, how I wish the sun was beside me... Can you see me? no? Turn around, can you see me now? no? Turn again, can you see me now? I can see you because you have a special place in my heart! MY EYES MISS UMY FELLINGS LOVE UMY HANDS NEED UMY MIND CALL U MY HEART JUST 4 UMY LIFE IS UI WILL DIE WITHOUT UI LOVE UAISA MERI MAMA MUJH KHETI HAIN . I want you,to be with me in a nice Restaurantto have candle light dinner…. &to say those sweet three words to U…....“Pay The Bill” Dil hai tera dariyaa, Aankhen hain teri JheelSo my darling … What’s The Big-Deal? When are you going to marry me?I can’t live without you.I love you dear, marry me within this month otherwise i will die.See, how Aishwarya Rai messaged me! Silly girl. A smile gives red colour 2 ur cheeks,White 2 ur teeth,Pink colour 2 ur lips,Silver colour 2 ur eyes,So keep smiling&enjoy the colours of life 12345123456789101112Very good!Intelligent Ho!Kal A-B-C-D sikhenge... i look at the moonthe moon is beautifuli look at youi..i...i rather look at the moon again Keeping a place for me in ur heart is ok, but keeping a place for me in your mind might be dangerous because people say... I’m Mind Blowing! U luk sweet when u read my message. U luk sweeter when u read my message & smile. U luk sweetest when u read my message, smile & reply. So, try to look sweetest. I think you are very careless! U come & leave things behind! See now what u have left? U just came in my mind and left a smile on my face. We do update this website on daily basis. So Come back for latest Flirty Text Messages. If you like these flirty sms/text messages, then don't forget to recommend this page to your near and dear ones.

Sweet Love Quotes

Are you looking for sweet love quotes to send to your loved one. Then you come to right place baby. This page provide some of the best Cute And Sweet Quotes. Use these cute sweet love quotes and maked your loved one feel happy and express your love.For one human being to love another:that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks;the ultimate, the last test and proof,the work for which all other work is but preparation. ----Rainer Maria RilkeWhen you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out. ----Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973) Love is everything it's cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. -----Erica JongWild Nights! Wild Nights! were I with theeWild Nights would be our luxury.Futile the winds to a heart in port, Gone with the compassGone with the chart--Rowing in Eden.Ah the Sea! Might I but moor-- Tonight in thee ------Emily DickinsonFor one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. -----Rainer Maria RilkeLove can make you do things that you never thought possible! ---- Phil CollinsLove and electricity are one in the same, my dear. If you do not feel the jolt in your soul every time a kiss is shared, a whisper is spoken, a touch is felt, then your not really in love at all. ------ C. J. FranksIf you don't love yourself, How can you expect someone else to love you??????The world is too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love.We can never really love anybody with whom we never laugh.Love is in the giver, not the gift. ---- William Sloan CoffinA life’s worth, in the end, isn’t measured in hours, or dollars. It’s measured by the amount of love exchanged along the way.----- Douglas C. MeansLove is like an hourglass with the heart filling up as the brain empties.----- Jules RenardI recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.------ David BissonetteThe glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him.------Ralph Waldo EmersonTrying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never even knew.Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.- Aristotle