Insurance Claim with Humour

I was the Insurance Advisor/ Risk Manager for Newcastle City Council at Christmas 1980 when this claim came in

On Christmas Eve to our dismayThe dust cart knocked our gate awayThe driver said he'd tried to parkBut hit our gate 'cause it was darkHe scattered bricks both near and farAnd blocked the entrance for the carWe really are in quite a stewBecause the wooden post went tooThe driver was a helpful sortAnd said the damage he'd reportShould we have the wall built newAnd send the bill in, Sir, to you?Or will you send some men to usAnd have the wall built without fuss?We hope prompt action you will takeAnd soon our garden wall remake!

As it was a requirement of my job, I naturally sought to wriggle out of it by sending this reply

It's a most unusual incidentThis tale you send to meI know that we're not perfectWe hit the occasional treeA bus, perhaps, a van or twoEven market stallsWe've wrecked the odd 'Keep Left' sign

But rarely garden wallsYou've lost your gate but not your styleI'd like to say "We'll pay"

But to admit liabilityOur Insurers say "No way"

They like to take their time you seeWith this kind of claimIt might not be our fault at allYour wall might be to blameWe have to show this cautionWe get the occasional gemOur lorries get attacked sometimesWhen walls leap out at themNow you might think you've a strong caseBut it may be turned down flatYou thought you had a good strong wallLook what we did to that!

But seriously about your wallIt can't be any funSo if you get your wall rebuiltJustice will be doneI'm writing to our InsurersTo say your wall's a wreckThey might just send a poemBut I hope they send a cheque

Good enough the Insurers sent this response to the claimants

We've got your poetic claimSimilar claims have come our wayAnd happening on Christmas Eve"Now there's a clue" we say

Around the offices up to nowAssurances have comeAll of us left somethingTo warm up Santa's tumThese are the facts, so it's clearRudolph let him downAnd didn't guide as he shouldWhen Santa came to townSo our advice is send your claimTo the likeliest tormentorWe mean the one in LaplandNot the Civic Centre!But hang about, we've had a thoughtIt's pointless to pursueBecause like the dust carts, we insureSanta's reindeer tooIt's obvious we'll have to giveConsideration to this claimSo let's have some particularsTo work out who's to blameWe'd like an estimate to showThe cost of the repairTo enable us to decideIf the charge is fair

The claim was settled promptly

The lesson? Next time you need to make a claim, stay clear of those horrible ambulance chasing shiesters and conduct the claim yourself....in rhyme!!