Full Bodied with a Bouquet All Her Own

During my expat days it was not possible to buy imbibing liquids but it was possible to distill, brew and ferment. Having made product, it is in the nature of man to share and to compete and we had several Fests and Festivals throughout the year. At one such Festival each competitor was invited to extol the virtues of his/her product and this was my extolment

You are welcome to use all or some of these verses for non commercial purposesHoose of Geordie Wine

What can ah tell yer aboot me wineAh suppose ah could tell yer it’s just fineThat it beats aall the restCos it’s British at its bestFrom the vineyards in the Valley of the TyneIt’s so good it meks them Froggies jealousCos when it comes to wine they can be ower zealousWint yer tell us how te forgeVotre Chateau de GeorgeVotre secret vous must tell usHadaway, says I, vous’ll niver larn from meDiven’t ask cos vous’ll niver get a ouiWhey they analyzed me winesAnd tuk cuttings from me vinesBut sacre bleu, they cudn’t trouve the keyWhey the key, ye see, isn’t in the way the grapes are grownIt’s how they’re aall squashed up in a geet big vat of stoneTrodded doon by Big SallyThe best squasher in the ValleyShe’s full bodied with a bouquet aall her own

Big Sally at work

Aah cud ta’alk aall neet wi zeal and zestAboot me wine that’s undoubtedly the bestBut me marketing techniqueIs to stand here and speakAboot the crap that comprises aall the restChateau Wales reminds me of the liquid thatYer find on yer windscreen where the flies are aall squashed flatAh suppose it is quite drinkableBut to me it’s just unthinkableAnd ah wadn’t even give it to wor cat(And ah hate wor cat)Chateau Scotland am telt was made last JuneBy some wifies roond a cauldron neath the moonStill yer might think it’s the trumpsIf yer spit oot aall the lumpsAnd yer use something canny to wash it doonHave yer tasted the Southern Softie stuff, it’s the pitsIt’s full o’ floaters and other chewy bitsTho’ it’s nee gud as a drinkIt’ll clean yer bog and sinkAnd it’s great for getting rid of aall yer zitsThe Yorkshire wine is a rather putrid sightThe makers claim it’s a cheeky little whiteIn their advertising blurbThey say it is superbBut te me that’s aall a load of …verbiageAnyhoo since Hoose of Geordie is undootedly the bestThere’s nee point in me just slaggin aall the restSo bonny lads and canny hinnies, Mesdames et MessieursVous etres obviously connoisseursWho can recognise the ultimate testWhat yer need is a wine that is suitedFor just getting totally newtedOr at a do such as thisJust quietly nissedHoose of Geordie, it’s the best, nee doot aboot it

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