Funny Jokes [SMS]

☻We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!☻I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING☻All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.☻If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.☻When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.☻Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.☻Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.☻Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!☻Sorry, I don't date outside my species.☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!☻First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.☻Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.☻Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!☻Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.☻Bad sex is better then a good day in school.☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!☻Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…☻Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......☻My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...☻Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?☻I took an IQ test and the results were negative.☻Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…☻If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…☻Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!☻Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!☻It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do."☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.☻Why were males created before females?Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.☻I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.☻Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?A:About 45 pounds!!☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?A: There have been sightings of UFOs.☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?How do you breathe through that thing?☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?Popeye beat the crap outta him.☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.Employee: Who's there?Boss: Not you anymore.☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?Magnets have a positive side!☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?A: What, what?☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?He was looking for Pooh!☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?You don't, you've told her twice already!☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?A: Her IQ goes up.☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?Only one. To slam the car boot shut.☻For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.☻Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.☻Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!☻What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?A: We don't know. Never happens.☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?A: An f****ing know it all.☻ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.☻ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.☻ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...☻I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.☻ It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.☻ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?☻ Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.☻ You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.I will bring something hot! Hope you will come back or subscribe by email !